I don’t know why you’ve only come into my awareness recently. I feel like I wasted a lot of my high school experience by remaining stagnant. Maybe everyone does. I don’t really know.
I still don’t know exactly how to approach you. Every time I think I’ve made progress, I find my way right back to where I started. There are times where I feel as though I’ve gone backwards. It’s incredibly frustrating.
I don’t know how to identify my own toxicity. It’s so hard to recognize when you’re the problem or when the problem is other people. Am I the one stopping myself from growing?
It’s hard to grow when you don’t know who you are.
You’re romanticized in every book and movie I’ve ever watched. I’m too attached to the idea of everything being a story, Character arcs are rarely so satisfying in real life.
Growing is hard when the sun is obstructed. My sun is self love and it’s in such short supply. It’s incredibly difficult to make decisions for myself and not for others. I want to please people too badly and it stops me from embracing you.
Maybe one day I’ll figure you out.