#letusbesuccinct

[languidlimbo]

I love women and want to be with women, because only they realize what my body is up against. what I am up against.

[languidlimbo]

THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY IS:

We’ve been friends... No, you-can-kiss-me-anytimers just until someone newer comes along.

(Two years go by.)

DOING THE SAME THING How many times have you invited me over and seemed interested in keeping this friendship going?

OVER And every.single.time.I.get.excited. and.look.forward.to.it. “I’ll pick you up, we can make sandwiches to take to the creek then love each other for awhile?” Sounds beautiful. “Okay see you then peaches.”

(Guess what never happened)

AND OVER “I want to hang out. Let’s have lunch this week. You can tell me everything. I am a good listener. Come over Thursday and sleep here.” Yes. Oh honey, you know I am going to spend the next few days looking forward to seeing you.

AND OVER “Oh sorry tomorrow isn’t going to work out, I just realized I have a—” An excuse. That’s what you meant to say.

AGAIN You asked what I wanted for my birthday. This was my answer:

Really what I’d like for my birthday is to spend time with you. Let’s watch a movie at your place or mine. I don’t care really. I love YOU.

“No, it’s not a good idea.”

AND EXPECTING “Lets do dinner in at my place. I’ll pick something up for us and you sleep over?”

A I finally took a stand: I’m back now! We can finally commence to plan the ‘Girls Night’ that in all actuality, will probably never happen.

DIFFERENT “I just painted my whole room. You must see it!” So I come to visit without announcement and you turn me away before I enter the room.

RESULT The responsibility is now on me. After all of this. I’m the insane one. The only way this could hurt more is if you were ACTUALLY cheating on me.

[languidlimbo]

the love i have to give is no longer free. it needs to be earned. I’m no longer the self-sacrificing fountain of kindness I once was. officially way too damaged and broken-hearted for that.

[languidlimbo]

I have accepted my path change.

So I studied photography in college. While in school (and some time after) I dreamt of becoming a photojournalist. I really wanted it. But now, looking through a coworker's work, I realize I am not and will not ever be good enough. Nowhere near good enough for that matter. So, I am working on slowly accepting that. Day by day I am trying to hone in on new skills and aspects of myself I would like to share w the world as much as I thought I did w photography. That's where I am now. That's what's new.