a scoff, and she wanted to throw her hands up in exasperation.
❛ trust me, i don’t know what i’m doing anymore than you do. ❜
of course that came out wrong, and clary was shaking her head, as if to prevent any offense before she could explain herself. she wasn’t exactly looking at him, but at the lines that curled out and spoke to her in a way that she now knew was unique only to her. all of this was so new, and clary had no idea how to control the things she had learned she could do ——the talents she’d apparently inherited. sighing — a defeated kind of sound, as if already aware that alec would never really accept her — she looked up.
❛ i don’t mean you don’t know what you’re doing ——i mean, i’m as confused about myself as you are about me. ❜ it felt as though she was tripping over the explanation even more — a part of her feeling as though she didn’t owe alec an explanation at all — and finally clary tucked the stele back into her pocket and stared off into the distance as if the horizon could offer her any answers.
❛ sorry, ❜ she murmured to no one in particular, not entirely sure what she was apologizing for in the first place, and glanced back down at the rune she had drawn. ❛ think it’ll work ? ❜
he feels the tension radiating off of her & it’s doing nothing to settle his own frustrations. at the comment, though, he raises an eyebrow but bites his tongue with unusual patience. it’s not in his nature to hold back but he’s learning that with Clary, barreling ahead doesn’t always get him the results he wants. exhaling, he counts down as he lets a strong, measured sigh rattle through his teeth as the only warning that she’s edging along the boundaries of his calculated & limited patience. he doesn’t need to give her more than that; clary knows.
and then, like that, it dissipates under the weight of a better explanation. he shrugs as if he doesn’t care, but gone is the fault line of irritation waiting to erupt at the slightest further provocation. it can lay dormant for now, but at least for now it’s been soothed & he can move on to more important matters. he’s learning. he knew part of who he was, part of the life he’s been raised in means he’ll be a student in many ways until the day he drops but this is something he hadn’t EXPECTED to learn. he feels a little old for personal revelations, after all, but the patience he’s cultivating has started to change him. maybe even for the better. but even so, that’s still not important right now, so he shelves that realization & moves on.
❛ it’s not something you need to apologize for. ❜ the next thing he says surprises even himself. ❛ all of us were new to all the REST of this at some point. guess I’ve forgotten what it feels like to have questions. ❜ he shrugs, as he looks at the paper. ❛ what’s it do? ❜ there’s no point in them fighting; they’re on the same side. so why can’t he channel more of this more often? his temper will be the death of him, he knows, but at least for right now maybe he has a grip on it.