Birthdays? (Levi x reader)
Cw: small mentions of negligent parent and sibling's death.
Note: Omg, reader is almost disgustingly optimistic here I'm almost cringing 😭. I found this as an old WIP and I'm too tired to even edit it lol. So it's kind of ew.
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"Birthday?" Levi stared at you sceptically, unsure where the curiosity came from.
"Yes, sir. Birthday."
When Levi had stared at you silently, you looked up. Actually horrified. "Wait, no way. Tell me you know what birthdays are–"
"Of course I know—what the hell do you think of me?" He huffed defensively, scowling at you in annoyance.
"Yeah well, just in case you don't, it's the day when you're born."
"Shut up," he groans. "What do you actually want?"
"What? I'm just curious." You leaned back on your chair, raising an eyebrow at his accusation.
"Why would you want to know that? Why would you even care?"
"I don't know. I just do. Go on, tell me."
"No." He replies flatly. "You tell me what's actually your intent. You're always up to some shit. I don't trust you, this has to be a trick of yours of some sort."
"Ouch?" You gasp in mock offense.
Levi stared at you, searching your face. Then he sighed. Caving. "...I'm not sure"
You were surprised. You didn't expect that answer. "Like...at all? You don't remember at all? What did you put in the forms when you joined the military?"
He hesitated, thinking about it. "....I remember. Sort of. Just..not sure." He shrugged. "I remember my mom doing something special for me on a certain day every year but it was so long ago I can't pinpoint which day it was."
"Pick a guess, go on." You leaned forward excitedly, eyes shining.
He scoffed at your eagerness, but then shifted his eyes downcast. And he was deep in thought, in a time long gone. "I mean.." He spoke in a low voice, his tone unsure. "If I had to guess, I'd say late December. The weather would be cold. And...a lot more people would come down here from the surface to for...entertainment because of new year holiday."
You remembered that his mom was a prostitute. You waited a few seconds, closely observing his face for any hint of uneasy or that he was uncomfortable before continuing again.
"So...like 30-31 December?"
"Nah." He shook his head. "A little earlier perhaps. Like around 25th I think. At least that's what I submitted in the papers."
You thought about it for a few seconds, eyes on him as he stared of to somewhere distant.
"So.." You said. "You've... never celebrated your birthday since..right?"
"Are you joking?" He huffed frustratedly, almost affronted that you even thought of it. "Look at my life, this seems celebratory to you? I try not to die everyday."
"Yes but...that's no reason not to celebrate a birthday." You spoke slowly, shrugging.
Levi shook his head. He couldn't even believe you thought he would celebrate such a... thing like a birthday. As if there wasn't enough shit in his life.
"What am I? 11? It's just a day. It's nothing special. The sun rises in the east, sets at the west. There are 24 hours and the clock ticks just regularly. Why should it be any different?"
"But.." You seemed almost surprised about how he viewed it. "That's not true. Birthdays are special."
He raises an eyebrow, unamused.
"Well, I mean," You add almost defensively, but also in an attempt to make him understand." It means that..many many years ago, a life was created right? In this very day, a heart started to beat and a pair of lungs took their first breath. A whole damn human being... how is that..how is that not special, captain?" You say, resting your head on your folded arms above his desk, staring at him.
He frowned at you, as if he can't quite understand why you're so insistent to convince him. Also slightly confused to hear the way you thought about it. "...you romanticize everything."
"That's because the world is a beautiful place."
"Not for people like us. For you perhaps."
"No, sir. You just need to know how to see." You grinned, rising from the chair. You walked to the window that was behind his chair, leaning over the edge as fresh air caressed your face gently. "Have you ever seen the sunset? And the sunrise? That smell when the first rain hits the ground, soaking up earth? The soft little sounds, and maybe if you're lucky a rainbow too? When stars glitter all over the sky and it's a full moon night? You see it everyday, and yet it's everyday you're left just as mesmerized than the day before."
"I don't like it when you're being philosophical"
You sighed. "Look..I'm not saying it's not cruel." You turned your head so you can look at him. His head was turned, eyes on his paperwork. "But..that's the price to pay. Being alive is a wonderful thing, sir. Being born, even more so. You may think your existence is a small thing comparatively, but that's so wrong, captain. Because just think for a second, what would the world do without you? What would've happened to humanity?"
"There would've been someone else to replace me." He replied nonchalantly, not even bothering to look at you.
"No, captain." You say softly. "Everyone has a reason. No one comes here without one. Being born.. that's a gift. That's a chance to live, love and laugh. And birthday's are a way to remind that to yourself when life becomes unkind. That many years ago, your mother held you in this very same day for the first time." You paused when you saw his shoulders tense, considering if you should say the next words. You hesitated. Would it be okay for you? Would that be crossing a line? Then after several seconds of silence, you parted your mouth, the next words soft but firm. "And I don't know how I know, captain." You sigh. "But believe me, and I assure you, you were the best thing that happened to her."
Somewhere in the room a clock ticked away, your heartbeat beating along with it. And with every second of silence, it got harder to breathe.
Have you crossed the line?
"..you've put a lot of thought into this." He finally responded. The same bored, monotonous tone, not a single hint that your words had affected him in any way.
You exhale in relief. "Not really." You said, shaking your head. "It's my little brothers birthday today. A reminder that he existed once."
Levi shifted this time, just the barest turn of his head towards you.
"...I'm sorry to hear that."
"Don't be. I'm not." You tell him, waving him away. "Perhaps it's better this way, the world wouldn't have been any kinder to him had he survived."
You stared at your feet. It had been years since you've watched your family die in Shiganshina. The pain was less now, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. You swallowed.
"...so," Levi asked suddenly. "When's your birthday?"
You were surprised, completely caught off guard by the sudden question. He's the last person you thought would ask such a question. "Mine?" You thought. Then smiled. "I don't know." A nervous laugh.
"...you're joking." He turned to fully look at you this time, eyes narrowed.
"Yeah no." You say sheepishly. "I just randomly selected a date when I had to fill out the papers. I have no idea what my actual birthday is. I don't even know my age."
"How do you not know?" He says in disbelief. He didn't expect to hear this.
You shrugged, flexing your arms absent mindedly. "My mom wasn't ever really sober for me to ask such casual things. And I was too busy trying to keep us alive to care."
Levi observed you quietly. There was a strange sort of shadow in your eyes. Not quite sadness..it was more melancholic really.
"So all that shit, and you don't even know it yourself?"
"That's fine, captain. It's everyday I wake up and am grateful because I was born." You leaned back from the window, turning to look at him, your eyes gleamed in the sunlight.
"...I will honestly never understand where you get that energy from." Levi shakes his head, almost mortified hearing your answer. He never understood how someone could be this unbelievably hopeful.
I grin. "Look outside, captain. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Live it."
-
Levi hadn't thought much of the conversation. He had almost forgotten it. Until it was the 25th of December and he found a package of his favorite tea placed on his desk.
A note was scribbled on a post-it on top of it.
'Thank you for existing. I hope you smile a little today, captain.'
He did. Just a little.
He stood stiffly, staring at it, eyes going over the short lines and the small words over and over, memorizing every little curve. He almost snorted when he saw the little balloon you drew in a corner.
Maybe life wasn't so bad after all.
Perhaps the world was indeed, as beautiful as you had said.
How could it be not when you existed in the same world, right beside him?
