TAL’S GUIDE TO 1313
Welcome to Level 1313. You might get stabbed. Here’s how not to!
Congratulations, you’ve made it to the most cursed place in the galaxy. We make Mos Eisley feels like a resort on Scarif! Whether you got lost, chased, or just got a bad result from a fucked up truth or dare game - doesn’t matter. You’re here now! And you better learn how to survive.
Lucky for you, I’ve compiled THE 1313 SURVIVAL KIT. Read this, commit it to memory, and try not to get yourself killed.
RULE #1: DON’T LOOK LOST.
1313 eats lost people for breakfast. You look around like a tourist? Someone will notice. Best way to blend in is to ALWAYS walk like you know where you’re going, even if you don’t.
Pro tip: If you do get lost, don’t ask anyone in a clean outfit. That’s either a con artist, an underworld cop, or a trafficker. Instead, ask someone who looks tired but not overly excited. That’s a local. They might charge you, but hey we all need money down here.
RULE #2: CREDITS FIRST, QUESTIONS NEVER.
On that note, want to buy something? Want directions? Pay first. We don’t do free information, and we sure as hell don’t do refunds!
Pro tip: If a deal seems too good to be true, it is. If someone’s too friendly, they want something. If someone says “Trust me,” you should absolutely not.
RULE #3: EAT SMART.
Not everything down here will kill you, but enough of it will. The safest bets:
☠ Bug’s Fry-Up Joint (Krezzi Quarter)
> Get the fried rice & nerf meatball soup.
> Don’t ask why it’s so cheap. It’s good, it’s hot, and it’s not laced.
> If Bug likes you, he might give you extra. If he doesn’t, he’ll serve you anyway because credits are credits.
☠ The Wharf (Market & Food Court, Dockside 1313)
> Street food heaven. You want skewers? Soup? Weird shit you can’t pronounce? It’s all here.
> Be careful around the water (there are baby dianogas in it. They’re cute now. They won’t be later).
> Vendors will try to hustle you. Haggle like your life depends on it especially if you look clean and rich.
☠ Desi’s Noodles (Near the Warehouse District 7)
> Best noodles on 1313. Hands down. I mean it’s a popular chain in the Underworld!
> No menus. You get what you get. Desi doesn’t do substitutions.
> If you’re in a hurry, don’t bother. The one in 1313 serves when they feel like it! Operational hour: whenever they like.
RULE #4: KNOW WHO RUNS WHAT.
1313 is not completely lawless. It just has different laws. These are the people who actually run things:
> The Pykes: Spice trade. If you’re buying, you’re funding them. If you’re selling, you better cut them in or disappear.
> Crimson Dawn: Other syndicates have issues with them, but if you work for them (or at least have a good rep) you could enjoy nice facilities in their district.
> Blood Nebula: The closest thing 1313 has to a local government. Horrible at it.
> The Raptors: Not what they used to be, but still looking for dumbasses to recruit. Mostly street kids, lots of pickpockets and petty thieves.
> Hutt Cartel: You’re still asking who they are? Are you even from this galaxy?
Pro tip: If you don’t know who controls a place, assume someone does. Look for signets and symbols. Act accordingly.
RULE #5: NEVER TRUST THE COPS.
The Coruscant Guard doesn’t come down here unless they have to. The local security forces are all bought. If a cop helps you, it’s because:
1. They’re setting you up.
2. They want lunch money.
3. They’re bored.
RULE #6: WHERE TO GO (AND WHERE TO AVOID).
✔ SAFE-ISH PLACES:
(“Safe” meaning you might not get stabbed today)
> Moshi Bar: Moshi Bar. Tiggs Leo, the Volpai bartender who run the place, is an info broker who operated on a strict need-to-know basis. He doesn’t tolerate violence in his space, and he made sure the regulars knew it.
> The Wharf: Safest for non-local, see point above.
> Sleeeeeemo Pit: Fight club. Enter at your own risk.
> Krezzi Quarter: Markets, cheap food, good for blending in.
✖ AVOID AT ALL COSTS:
> The Old Turbolifts: Half of them don’t work. The other half are death traps.
> Side entrance to Level 1312: This is where cleaners dispose bodies. If someone tells you to meet them there, they’re planning to kill you.
> Pipelines 31: Used to be a transport line. Now it’s home to corridor ghouls.
RULE #7: IF YOU FUCK UP, OWN IT.
No one respects cowards and liars. If you owe money, pay it. If you start a fight, finish it. The underworld runs on reputation, and yours is the only currency that matters (well, credits too, but you get the point).
If you can’t handle that, you don’t belong here.
FINAL NOTE: 1313 doesn’t care about you. The best you can do is learn the rules, play smart, and stay ahead.
Good luck. You’ll need it.
—TAL.
