***for Lisa @liamsgirl4eva. I love you bestie and I hope this doesn’t make things worse. It was my intention to make you feel love. I hope you feel that.
The phone rings, I reluctantly I answer it and sigh.
“What? What could you possibly want?” I huff with annoyance.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I never meant for things to be this way. I love you more than anything.”
“Whatever Liam, I have heard it before.” A tear slips down my cheek as I try to put on my best tough girl voice as my heart clinches with pain at hearing your voice.
“I love you Lisa, so much. When you said you wanted to break things off because you couldn’t stand my being on the road all the time and that we spent too much time apart it broke my heart. She was a comfort. I don’t love her. I love you.”
“Liam, don’t do this. You don’t have to do this.”
“I’m not doing anything. I need you. I need to feel you against me and I need to be able to listen to your heartbeat. I need to hear you say my name and I need you to know how much I love you.”
“I’m not staying on this phone. I’m sorry Liam but I can’t let you lie to me over and over, I can’t do this. I saw the picture.”
“I know you did and he’s beautiful, he really is and I hope that one day you want to meet him. I desperately want that.”
I hang up the phone. I lay back against my pillow and cover my face with my hands as the tears freely fall from my eyes. I don’t fight them this time. I just let them flow, hoping that this will help me release so much anger and sadness and the need to be with him still.
I finally cry it all out and I glance at the clock as I feel sleep washing over me, 4:17 a.m. I’ve been crying since hanging up on Liam at 11:43. The pain in my heart is so intense that every bone in my body hurts. My face stings from the tears burning my skin for the last four and a half hours. My body is so weak. But my mind is still racing with every detail of your face and your words ringing in my ears, “She was a comfort. I don’t love her. I love you.” Tears gently stream down my face as I drift off to sleep.
I wake a few hours later to the feeling warm lips against my neck.
As my eyes open slowly I feel strong, warm, familiar arms wrap around me. “Morning angel.”
My heart jumps and my hands quickly grasp at the hands across my stomach. “Liam?”
“Yeah baby? I needed to be near you. I hope you’re not angry, I still have my key.”
“Well, it is your place but this isn’t right Liam.” I try to sound strong as silent tears start falling, dripping onto my pillow.
“But lying to you, and everyone, for all of these months was? Lisa, baby, you need to hear me out. You need to listen to what I have to say. And, regardless of what happens, this place is yours. I will make sure of that. I will make the payments. This is supposed to be our home. I would never make you leave our home, your home.”
“WHAT? LIAM?” I yell as I roll over to face you with tears running down my face. I quickly wipe my face. “What do you need me to hear? You have a baby with his woman Liam.” I yell out of anger and pull myself away from you. I pull back the bedding and walk into the bathroom pulling on my fleece bath robe.
“Please, please hear me out Lisa.” Liam pleads with me, his face pulling a horrible sad pained face. “Please baby, please listen to me.”
I walk back into the bedroom and sit down on the love seat in the sitting area.
Liam walks over and sits down beside me.
“Sure, I’ll listen. I mean I’ve put up with the photos and the interviews about how much you love her and can’t wait to become a dad. Yeah Liam, I’m all ears.” I speak sarcastically, trying not to throw up in his lap. I clasp my hands together in anger and take a deep breath as he places his hand on my leg.
“That’s not how it is at all, I promise. Please believe me. I ran into her the weekend you told me you needed to break it off because you couldn’t handle all the time apart. I confided in her one night when we, all the boys, were out together at the bar. We ran into her a couple more times in the following ten days or so and one night I went home with her. Yes, we slept together but never, ever, did I dream this would happen.”
“Liam, you are not an idiot, I know that about you. You were always so careful. It makes this all so hard to believe.”
“I was drunk, okay? I am not proud of that lack of judgment. First, I was drunk, second, I fucked her and third, she fucking got pregnant. Lisa, it was never love, I have never once considered our time together making love. I have never loved her and if I can pay her off to have my son and be with you I will, I will pay her every last penny I have to my name because she is an awful human being. I love you more than anyone or anything, well besides my son. I brought this new little person into this world with someone I can’t even stand to be with. It’s painful and heartbreaking that he has to live with this.“
“Liam. I need some time. I need to be able to process all of this.”
Liam leans in and kisses me, immediately deepening the kiss. Grabbing me and pulling me close. Whispering against my ear, “I love you more than anything. Please don’t doubt my love for you, and that I’ve always wanted to be with you.”
I try to turn my face away but you won’t let me. Tears again begin to slip down my cheeks. “I want to believe you Liam, I really do.” I sigh and turn away so I am not facing you as tears fall quickly from my eyes.
Liam places gentle kisses on my neck. “I will prove to you baby, I promise you that I will. I love you far too much to lose you. This is all just a hurdle. I will jump this hurdle and show you just how much I love you and want to be with you, and only you baby. You are everything, I promise I will never do anything else to hurt you.”
