#lifeofasailor

[sophiathesailor]

I tried

I left behind the chaos and uncertainty

I sought out predictability and routine

I embraced normality 

I explored new opportunities 

I found new experiences to try 

I conformed to the expectations of life

Yet I’m drowning under the mundane

I long for adventure and unpredictability

Yet I know it won’t heal the pain

I dream of shores far away

Yet I know if my feet touch that reality

I’ll cry into the loneliness of my soul

I seek for love and acceptance 

Yet no matter where I search

It is not to be found for me

The days blur and pass

My smile withers and fades

Hope appears when he is home

Yet is crushed when I’m discarded

My routine and his are not compatible

His door won’t open for me

The hope just a fantasy

I tried to be worth enough to enter 

I want to run away

Yet I’ve been to the corners of the earth

And there was no escape

So I’ll stay in the prison I’ve created

And dream of death saving me

From all that which discarded me

[ivtyachtsales]

My favorite ride #lifeofasailor #disneyland #piratesofthecaribbean #pirates (at Pirates of the Caribbean - Disneyland Resort) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4ibdFAAP1X/?igshid=tpnu975t1ljq

[sophiathesailor]

Resignation

There was no epiphany 

No ground breaking event that occurred

It was the relentless drip of life 

That one day shattered me

There is no hope for me

No future to wish for

No dream to pursue

Nothing can change the path I’m on

It’s empty and desolate

I’ve passed everyone and everything I was ever going to see

Love passed me by in a daze

Happiness whistled through me

Children laughed as they skipped past

The tinkle of their laughter haunts me

Family hid from me

Death held my hand and whispered sweet promises of a future together

Friends slowed their pace to avoid me

I’m resigned to my fate

And just pray the path before me is short 

[sophiathesailor]

Betrayal

You let me dream of a world with you in it

I lost myself in the beauty of that fantasy

Danced with the grace of love

Sang with the magic of hope

Yet as I span round with joy

I realised your hand was not on mine

Your presence had melted away

The words mouthed softly fading echoes

My feet stumble frantically

Mind focusing on the illusion of hope

I cannot breathe

I’m spiralling without oxygen

My eyes watch as your life continues

Without a beat missed 

Not noticing me crashing down

Dying without the crumbs you gave me

I’m crashing down into darkness

You glance back as I slip away

A slight smile crosses your face

The mask slips as your aim is achieved

[sophiathesailor]

Insanity

He very nearly loved me

I said love me always

I wanted him to love me

She said come back to me

She wanted him to stay safe

Inside the insanity of his other life

He very nearly loved me

Nearly threw away the key

Locked inside the insanity with me

But he didn’t love me

Kept the key for his sanity

Left me locked inside

My insanity of life without him

Walked away and threw away the key

[sophiathesailor]

Erasure

The love you feel so deep

One day will be buried

So far beneath the dirt of feelings

That only dreams touch on

Leaving you dazed and curious

As to whether it was real

Or just a fantasy of your mind

Your body shivers from the echo

Of the pleasure felt before from

Fingers caressing your body

Yet when you seek the memory

Only emptiness and darkness responds

The tantalising taste of desire

Has slipped from your reality

Leaving behind only crushed emptiness

Yet how can you be sad

When the memories no longer exist

And the man you loved

You wouldn’t remember

Even if he came and promised you

The world you always dreamed of

Erasure the only way to live

Otherwise those who love you

Would be burying your body

Under the dirt of reality

For only death could contain

The knowledge of you

[sophiathesailor]

Burning

This passion has me tearing up

Together furiously riding and killing the miles

Yet still we do not find the way

Throttle back I’m racing along

Burning the fuel inside me

One spark and I’ll be gone

Driving each other past the point

Of no return for this love

Chasing the comet streaming past

Rubber imprinted on the miles I leave behind

Running always from it all

Our journey entwined but on different roads

I’m a gas tank running on half a life

Throttle back I’m racing along

Burning the fuel inside me

One spark and I’ll be gone

Flashing in its burning aura

Promising a cure to this maddening ride

We chase the dream like impassioned fools

Our love for each other radiates power sublime

Sparks do light the fires of our worst sides

Love turns to cruel words spat out

Throttle back I’m running away from them

Burning the fuel inside me

One spark and I’ll be gone

Chasing the cure to our curse

Catch the comet which will burn out our love

Briefest second and our eyes do meet

Everlasting moment in my mind

Before the spark burns us whole

My powers gone I awake from this dream

My life with him but a fantasy

No need to run anymore

I’m empty to the core

[sophiathesailor]

Your forgotten world

There was always a gap

A part was missing

The ache of yearning

For someone not yet known

Satisfaction alluding me fully

Life played a game on me

Hide and seek with my love

Chewed me up and spat me out

Told me I was unworthy and alone

Flawed and unloveable

Reset the playing board

Made my first move boldly

Strumming my heart to my own rhythm

Bold and brave shining for all to see

Then you saw me

But you hadn’t waited for me

Ignored the unsaid whisper

That I was your forever

You took me when you couldn’t have me

The truth dawned when my adoration encompassed you

Now you’re cursed to know that I was meant for you

Too late the pain has taken root

When your world is with you the angels sing

Yet that final farewell

When he leaves for his world

Because you’re not part of it

Sickening punch I cannot recover from

Truly now I am unloveable

For who would love one

Who can never love you back