#sailorslove

[sophiathesailor]

Burning

This passion has me tearing up

Together furiously riding and killing the miles

Yet still we do not find the way

Throttle back I’m racing along

Burning the fuel inside me

One spark and I’ll be gone

Driving each other past the point

Of no return for this love

Chasing the comet streaming past

Rubber imprinted on the miles I leave behind

Running always from it all

Our journey entwined but on different roads

I’m a gas tank running on half a life

Throttle back I’m racing along

Burning the fuel inside me

One spark and I’ll be gone

Flashing in its burning aura

Promising a cure to this maddening ride

We chase the dream like impassioned fools

Our love for each other radiates power sublime

Sparks do light the fires of our worst sides

Love turns to cruel words spat out

Throttle back I’m running away from them

Burning the fuel inside me

One spark and I’ll be gone

Chasing the cure to our curse

Catch the comet which will burn out our love

Briefest second and our eyes do meet

Everlasting moment in my mind

Before the spark burns us whole

My powers gone I awake from this dream

My life with him but a fantasy

No need to run anymore

I’m empty to the core

[sophiathesailor]

Your forgotten world

There was always a gap

A part was missing

The ache of yearning

For someone not yet known

Satisfaction alluding me fully

Life played a game on me

Hide and seek with my love

Chewed me up and spat me out

Told me I was unworthy and alone

Flawed and unloveable

Reset the playing board

Made my first move boldly

Strumming my heart to my own rhythm

Bold and brave shining for all to see

Then you saw me

But you hadn’t waited for me

Ignored the unsaid whisper

That I was your forever

You took me when you couldn’t have me

The truth dawned when my adoration encompassed you

Now you’re cursed to know that I was meant for you

Too late the pain has taken root

When your world is with you the angels sing

Yet that final farewell

When he leaves for his world

Because you’re not part of it

Sickening punch I cannot recover from

Truly now I am unloveable

For who would love one

Who can never love you back

[sophiathesailor]

Darkness

The edges of my world are black

Threatening to encompass and overpower

My present haunted by my past

Focusing on the simple delights

I endeavour to shut out the pain

Dark tendrils from the outside

Creep in and choke me when I am weak

I can’t breathe as they taint my soul

Escape is but temporary

Each day the blackness creeps in further

The joyful colours in life I once saw

Fade further becoming but a dream

Of a time when life was pure and innocent

I was not made for this world

Protected always I am now exposed

They left me here to drown

The blackness becomes my reality

In the depths of her darkness

I will either lose my soul

Or gain my life

[sophiathesailor]

Reality

Different realities to each of us normal

You live in your world of privilege and class

As I child I ran amongst streets of horror

Red stains on pavements cold

The bitter choice the young had to make

Cries for change against the state supreme

A heavy price paid for freedom

In your perfect world

You ran towards the ice cream van

The only horror was found in the theatre

Bellies always full

Toys abundant

Survival but a game played

You cannot comprehend my reality

Pity fills your gaze as you mourn

A loss you think I had

United in our current world

Forever divided in our past

Naivety fuelled by ignorance

The sins of our parents

Heap upon our heads

I bear my cross and rise above it all

You wallow in your precious pit

Unable to see

The real world beyond your reach

[sophiathesailor]

Festering

The unspoken lie

The known deceit

The bitter taste of pleasure entwined with pain

The softly spoken endearments

The unsaid rejection

Knowledge I’ll never be enough

I give you all of me

You give me nothing but insecurity

I allow you to use me

Abuse my mind and soul

Because I’m a fool

Always craving that which I can’t have

Underlying the knowledge

I’m unworthy

You reaffirm my lack of hope

When you leave

I’ll crash and burn once more

Each time diving deeper than the last

Praying I’ll stay buried

As to rise again

Burns with the torment of hell

I cannot bear it

Yet for now

The peaks of pleasure distract me

Before I disintegrate

And you shatter what remains

[sophiathesailor]

Pride

Does my pride

Stop my enjoyment

Nature in all her beauty

I love her

She is beautiful

Wild and carefree

She destroys

Yet builds again

But we are just fickle humans

I see only shallowness and disappointment

I distance myself

Am I too scared

To let you in

To let anyone in again

I see myself better than you

You see me

And pity me

You see the husk a soul

I see the barren field of hope

I still dream of hope

Yet the sun is setting on it

My pride overpowering

Together we embrace for eternity

Hate and pride

Dreadful combination

Shame on me

I once trusted too much

I now hate always

Seek pleasure in attention

Drown in drink

I know not myself

Too scared of my reflection

My saviour lost

Family forsaken

Friends adrift

I cannot pity myself

I made my grave

Bury myself whole

Don’t look for me

I left you long ago

[sophiathesailor]

The Game

We play

Each other to our crescendo

Fingers stroking

Words caressing

Reading the language

Of each other’s hearts

Using and counter blocking

Adequate foes

Due acknowledgment given

Levels increased

Challenges remain

How can you trust

When you’ve heard it all before

Played the same note

Been played for a fool

To hurt you would be easy

Yet you could destroy me

Trusting you terrifying

Play the player

Or be played

Either way

I’m going to hurt

Grant me pleasure

That will override the pain

Otherwise

Grant me my dignity

I deserve that much

[sophiathesailor]

Insecurity

The mind ever churning

Shadows of doubt

Lurking in the corners

At night they overwhelm me

Drowning my mind in blackness

Sadness pain grief hurt

Joy is choked by the tendrils of darkness

I hate my reflection

The insecurity which stalks me

How do I find my release

Escape this haunted life

I see temporary relief in you

But the savage exchange

Means deeper pain

Is it worth the passing ecstasy

Forget the spiralling black hole

Which will break me further

Enjoy the bliss

Stop thinking

Stop feeling

Embrace the pleasure

Time continues it’s maddening dance

Decisions must be made

And consequences forever embraced