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This is what i looked like after about a year of marriage. Within 5 years, I weighed more than 320 pounds. I wrote about all of this in my story: "Max and Ann Get Fat" (which is about 90% true). If you ever wish to read any of the things I have written... you can put the name Max Freeman in the Amazon search and all my books will be displayed.
👋 Welcome to Carrie Ray Books!
I'm an independent author and founder of Ray of Light Publishing.
I've written more than 90 books across mystery, fantasy, science fiction, western, faith, and young adult fiction.
I'm excited to connect with readers, writers, and fellow storytellers here on Tumblr. I'll be sharing new releases, behind-the-scenes moments, Coffee the Chiweenie, and plenty of stories.
Thanks for stopping by!
As I write about the wildest, darkest and most chaotic years of my life, I realize this is the most deeply, most personal and revealing story I’ve ever told. From my first day back at 854, to Paul Junior High, to the madness of the D.C. underworld, to Cardozo, running amuck all over Montgomery County, Maryland, and finally the shocking death of my cousin Keshia Semple—this chapter of my adventures came to a close.
At just 15 years old, I was already deep in the music world, quietly working as an independent scout for labels like Relativity, Profile, Tin Pan Apple, Cold Chillin’, and the legendary Uptown Records (1989–1993). I corresponded with label executives about new talent, receiving promo t-shirts, hats, stickers, exclusive mixes, remixes, and even European editions.
One summer in 1988, at Nobody Beats the Wiz in downtown D.C., I met a music industry representative who already knew about my family—and the rest is history.
Only a few people knew the full extent of this life: my father, my uncle, and those who came to my apartment on Park Road, N.W.
My studio was a miniature empire(2 bedroom apartment): four DAT machines, a three-turntable setup, four double cassette duplicators, sequencers, a TR-808 drum machine, a TASCAM 8-Track Reel-to-Reel, and three studio headphones. I owned 1,500 CDs, 800 cassettes, 150 8-tracks, 300 vinyl records, and hundreds of VHS movies.
Coming Soon...
HOW I SAW IT: The Life, The Times, The Tribulations and The Great Mis-Adventures of Lelund Nathaniel Hollins— Every Move I Make.
Release window: Christmas 2026 or New Year’s 2027.
The fifth installment of LIFE LOGS serves as the first release since Jaevonn has become a licensed attorney. The lessons in this book occurs
LIFE LOGS VOL 5: Lessons from Apr 2018- Sept 2018 [PAPERBACK]
2 Store Reviews
$11.00
The fifth installment of LIFE LOGS serves as the first release since Jaevonn has become a licensed attorney. The lessons in this book occurs before he gained his esteemed title but they’re all the things that led up to such a monumental moment.
But being lawyer as many know isn’t end all to Jaevonn’s life, the creative arts takes a bigger precedent in his mental wheelhouse, which is explored through the various articles in the book.
Please use these as writings as an entertaining tool as much as an educating tool. but don’t take him too serious these are just his thoughts ladies and gentleman.
Weekly Writing Update
What I accomplished: • Book 2: currently 216,727 words (up 4,494 from last week) and 42 chapters; 3 more to write. • And discovered an idea for a Novella featuring a character we meet in Chapter 13 This week’s focus: Write at least one of those three new chapters for Book 2
Chapter 1 - Unblanking
Paramedics and the police arrived swarming Andy and Patrice’s home in this upscale and exclusive subdivision.
The chief of police found Andy curled up on their king-size bed in the master’s bedroom. He was quiet. He didn’t even flinch when the cop walked in.
“Sir, may we have a word please?” Chief of Police Officer Ed Cho, sternly asked Andy.
Although the Chief of Police Officer was a short and stout man with dark eyes and bushy eyebrows, not physical descriptions to be feared, he was very intimidating. He could look like a happy husband and a loving father when he was off from work, but he sure was daunting when he put his blue uniform on.
There had been rumors about him being a bad cop, planting drugs on suspects and framing his enemies, just to make an arrest and get his enemies off his back.
Andy didn’t like him.
“Sir, we just wanted to get your statement regarding her death.”
“Okay,” Andy said weakly.
“We just want you to walk us through what happened and how you found her.”
“Okay… Uhm… Well, I arrived from work and she usually greets me the moment I walk into the front door, but she didn’t. So I went looking for her in the kitchen, but I didn’t find her there. I came here to the bedroom, but she was not here. So I went into that room and then I saw that she had hung herself.”
The chief police officer stared at him with a hint of incredulity on his face.
“Look, if you think I might have something to do with this, I don’t know how you come up with that. She took her own life. And if you will be incriminating me for her suicide, then I must speak to my lawyer first.” Andy hesitated.
“Did you find the suicide note?” the officer followed up quickly.
“No.”
“Then there is a reason why we need to question you at the station. You might want to call your lawyer now, we’re going to take your official statement. And meanwhile, stay out of that room. We wouldn’t want to disrupt any potential evidence for a potential crime.”
“I did not - fine. I will call my lawyer.”
Andy spoke to his lawyer, Atty. Alonso Yap, shortly after speaking to Cho for over half an hour. They made their way to the police station where Chief Police Officer Cho was posted.
After he had given his statement to the cops for more than three hours, he went home to the very home he found his dead fiancée in.
Andy went into the bathroom to do his nightly routine hot shower. His mind was blank and he felt numb.
He finished his bath and got changed into his night clothes and crawled into bed.
“This can’t be real.” he sighed.
He rolled to his fiancée’s side of the bed and lit the lavender-scented candle on her side-bed table to feel her presence.
Patrice had always done this when she was preparing to go to bed every night.
“How could you do this to yourself, Trizzy?” he caressed her pillow in hopes to hear her voice. In hopes that this is all nothing but a nightmare that he was about to wake up from and Patrice would be there sleeping next to him.
Andy just lay there for hours, unable to get any sleep. His mind was blank but at the same time in complete chaos.
He was troubled by the thought that there was no suicide note. Or perhaps there was but Cho and his team were just trying to frame him so he could add him to his tally of arrests.
Andy took his phone for the first time since he called the emergency number and went to check his Instagram.
“Trizzy always leaves trails about her mood on her social media. Cryptic most of the time, but I can figure it out.” he thought to himself.
Patrice’s was the only account he followed on Instagram. He noticed that he was no longer following anyone on his account. Zero.
“Did she block me before she killed herself?” he wondered.
He then remembered that he and Patrice used to have a dummy account to catfish and play pranks on random people years ago. So he logged in to the account and searched Patrice’s handle on the search box.
“No results found for pa3ssss”
“Then this must mean she deleted her account.”
He knew her login so he went on to log in to her account instead.
Error. It said the account did not exist.
“So she did delete her account.”
He went on to check all her other social media accounts. Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Discord, Twitch, Reddit - none. Even her Pinterest account no longer existed.
“And the police said they could not find her phone nor locate it at the moment,” he recalled.
He checked to see if her email still existed, and it did.
The couple shared all their logins and passwords because Patrice always forgot her logins. He kept a list of the logins and passwords on his Notes app on his phone to keep track of all of them in case they needed them.
He went on his Notes app to look for her email login so he could try to get in. But this was set up to ask for a 2-Way Authentication from her phone number and her phone was missing. He could not get in.
He hated the fact that the police had suspected him of foul play. He can afford to get her an autopsy to prove his innocence, anyway. Why should he not do that?
“No, they’ll cut her up just to prove she killed herself. That would do more disrespect to her death,” he continued to think.
He was so tempted to get into the writing room to look for clues. He knew well that she kept her journals in there. Did the police take them for evidence? There was only one way for Andy to find out.
He jumped out of his bed and strode toward the writing room.
He went in slowly making sure he does not disturb the police tapes around it, then he scuffled through the cabinet on the left wing of the room where she kept her notebooks.
He couldn’t find her journals. He most certainly knew what they looked like because, after all, he bought them for her every year. They were not there.
“She must’ve hidden them somewhere else,” he muttered.
He went through another cabinet, but he still could not find any of those notebooks. He went looking through every drawer and checked for compartments. None.
“I wonder where she hid them,” he exhaled.
“Or did she get rid of them like how she got rid of her social media?” he started to wonder, also worried that the police must’ve gotten them when they were sweeping up the scene earlier that night.
“If Trizzy’s suicide is going to put me in jail, damn her soul. I hope she rots in hell. She’s really managing to get on my nerves even in her death.” he felt an overwhelming resentment and anger toward his deceased fiancee. But at the same time, felt a pang of strong guilt that he could accuse her of something he is not even sure was her intention.
He stood at the left corner of the room, right beside the shelf where Patrice kept all the children’s books she had written.
He stared at the ceiling where she hung a few hours ago, and chills started to linger on his nape.
Andy wasn’t superstitious. He did not believe in spirits or anything supernatural. He wasn’t even a believer in a higher being in the sky either. But at that moment, he felt a damning presence. He started to feel goosebumps running down his entire body. At least that’s how he was feeling at the moment.
He quickly walked out of the writing room and closed the door. He jumped right back to bed and forced himself to sleep.
But he couldn’t.
Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the scene of Patrice’s dead body hanging in the writing room.
He was overcome with fear and anger. He hated her for leaving him a problem. He hated that she had to leave him first in the most inconvenient way possible before he could. He hated her so much at that point, that he could not remember why he even fell in love with her in the first place.
“All you ever offered was an inconvenience since day one, Trizzy.” he cried out.
“And now you just want to mess with me after all these years of always putting you above my needs!”
Andy sobbed hysterically.
The next thing he knew, he had fallen asleep and was awoken by his phone ringing.
10:54 AM. 71 missed calls. 90 messages. And a whole bunch of social media notifications.
“They probably just want to hear what I have to say about what happened to Trizzy.”
“And I’m very late for work.” he sighed.
“I think they’ll understand if I don’t come to work today. My fiancée just died.” he thought as he stared at the bathroom door, hesitating to get out of his bed.
He didn’t bother reading the messages. He just didn’t feel like he wanted to talk to anybody.
He succumbed to his thoughts about Patrice once again.
Last night he was angry and he hated her. But today, he missed her.
He recalled the day they first met.
She was a new hire in the same company where he worked. He was fortunate enough to have her be assigned the desk next to him.
He didn’t introduce himself at first. He was frustrated at his job because he always missed his quota.
But then she turned to him and said, “Hi! I’m new here.”
Her wide smile was brilliant, almost amusing that she seemed so happy to be in this wretched place.
“I can see that.” Andy returned.
“Someone is grumpy,” she said in a mocking tone as she turned her seat back to her computer screen ignoring Andy.
He didn’t know if he had to feel bad about it, but he was intrigued by her energy.
“I’m sorry. I’m just tired, that’s all. My name is Andy.” he pushed his seat nearer to her desk.
“Andy? Almost sounds like ‘Angry’. Just like your mood and your entire vibe.”
“Why is she so sarcastic?” Andy thought.
“Is it your dream job to call people and sell them stuff that doesn’t work? Or are you just here because you desperately need a job?” Andy asked her in a joking manner.
“The second one.”
“That makes the two of us.”
“Oh really? What did you want to be before deciding to work here?”
“I wanted to be a rich model sipping on a pina colada in a yacht with three or four hot chicks around me.”
“You’ll get there.” she retorted.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. What did you say your name was?” he shifted his posture to lean toward her.
“I didn’t tell you my name. But I’m Patrice. But everyone calls me Patty or Pat.”
“Then I am not calling you Patty or Pat. I will be calling you Trice or Trizzy.” his mouth arched upwards to a grin.
“No, you won’t.”
“Oh, yes I will.” And then he leaned back in his chair, pushed back to his desk, and returned to work.
A month went by, and they both easily got along. Andy was not making sales still, Patrice was getting the hang of the job, and they both became work friends.
Andy’s mood towards coming to work was a lot better now. He felt a little better about his job now that there is someone he can joke around with and hang around with within the office.
He lived up to calling her Trizzy and she often got annoyed and ignored him every time he called her Trizzy. But soon, she got around to the nickname he had given her and just gave in.
Little did Andy know that he was slowly developing strong feelings toward Patrice.
The phone rang again.
Andy saw it was a call from Patrice’s mother. He didn’t want to deal with her family yet. He was still trying to process everything for himself.
In the afternoon, Andy headed out to the mortuary to see Patrice. Her parents were already there.
Her mother, Roselyn was crying uncontrollably. Her father, Harold, was consoling his wife while he sobbed on her shoulder. Her younger sister, Kate, was also there. She cried quietly as she watched her parents hugging each other. The only one who was not there was her older sister, Stacey. She’s currently in Singapore on a trip with her husband.
Andy stopped his pace and watched her family mourning the loss of their precious daughter and sister.
He couldn’t face them. After his thoughts of wanting to break up with Patrice the night before, he felt this heavy guilt throbbing in his chest.
He turned around and went straight back to his car.
He felt numb again.
He was overwhelmed by the sight of Patrice’s family. He couldn’t watch the scene for one more minute. He could never face them - not because he was guilty of causing her death, but because he failed to identify whatever caused her to take her own life beforehand.
He was supposed to know. She was supposed to tell him things like this. He was supposed to listen and support her. But he felt that he was too busy and selfish to even give a thought about what could have been going on with her while he wasn’t around.
He should have been able to spot the slightest change in her demeanor. But he was too overwhelmed by his feelings of dissatisfaction with the relationship.
He went straight back home and planned to leave the country. He didn’t want to deal with any of this right now. He wanted to mourn the loss of his fiancee but not in an emotional territory with the rest of her friends and family. He wanted to be alone.
“Maybe I’ll go to Ireland. Trizzy always wanted to visit Dublin. I can mourn her there.” he said to himself.
“And maybe I should contact Atty. Yap first, so I would not look too suspicious for deciding to leave the country for a while.” he continued to think out loud.
He sat on his bed and turned his head toward the writing room’s door.
“I must find her journals.”
Andy shifted and rested his head on the pillow.
He thought, “She should’ve told me what was going on in that pretty little head of hers. She never showed any signs. She never said anything. The answer must be in her journals…”
Andy’s thoughts slowly flooded with different possibilities of why his fiancée could have taken her life.
Was it something that he had done in the past that hurt her? Was it a family problem? Did she have some sort of mental health issues he didn’t know about? Did something happen with her publishing deal and her career?
His mind swiveled to darkness. He had fallen asleep.
Art by @GM_work . . - 🔺Follows us @stacksofarkadia on YT Spotify or anywhere else you Pod @Anchor.fm - https://youtube.com/@stacksofarkadia Don’t miss reveal this world through music video ushering in the second part of the season, heavily geared towards sound design for a more cinematic experience. Pre-Save: Downloadable March 17th ☘️ 👇⚠️👇 https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/stacksofarkadia/new-game-3?utm_source=SendGrid&utm_medium=Email+&utm_campaign=website - #immersiveaudio #podcast #storytelling #cyberculture #cyberpunk #cyberpunkart #litrpg #indieauthor #independentauthor (at Cyberpunk) https://www.instagram.com/p/CpkvgN8LXs6/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
Do you ever just a see a picture/image that instantaneously inspires you to write a story? To create a character? This is one of them. While obviously the scene is not yet written, I will do my best to represent in my book love between two men the same way this photo does. The serenity and sensually is breathtaking, and, you guessed, INSPIRING. Thank you @captainyangpu for the beautiful, #Stellar photo. You two are magnificent together. 💫 #StayStellar 💫 #PorterMarcusMathias (Book 1) and #PorterWilliamChase (Book 2) are both available in digital and paperback on nmbobok.com (Those of you who know me personally, let me know if you don’t have my book(s) and I can get you a signed copy/copies at no extra charge) #MarcusMathiasSaga #Author #SelfPublished #Amazon #Kindle #IndependentAuthor #Writer #GayWriter #GaySuperHero #Fantasy #Book #NewBook #GayFantasy #LBGTQFantasy #Astrology #Geek #Astronomy #Epic #Saga #SuperHero #GayAuthor #Gay #LGBTQ #NMBOBOK https://www.instagram.com/p/CErRlALhcgl/?igshid=1tpsm29izvpzd
