#lifeupdated

[written-by-m]

Is this love or just an attachment?

I am talking to a guy for 4 months now, if you can remember, he was the guy in my previous note. We are still happy and talking everyday, sometimes we don’t have a good topic but still we enjoy each others virtual company (or is it just me?) 

Now, I am confused whether if I do like him or I was just attached to him. 

Whenever I think that one we might lose our contact, I feel very sad. I don’t want to lose him, I don’t want to put all our conversation in a waste... so I think I like him. 

But, we haven’t saw each other yet, we haven’t still done a videocall. We only have each other’s picture, so I really don’t have the idea what does he looks like now. Is it really possible to like someone just based on how he delivers his text messages?... in that instance, I feel that it was just an attachment.

I tried to read some blogs in the internet based on the differences of Love and Attachment.. But I feel like it will not help at all, I just became more confused. So I decided to just feel what I really feel for him and try to tell him that. 

All I know is I care for this person, and I feel like my soul is connected to him. I feel like we are aligned with each other and we have the same wavelength. 

I don’t know how will he react if I tell him that... I have feelings for him. I just don’t know yet if it’s love or attachment. 

[ftn-luna]

The continuity of life.

Still breathing, alhamdullilah for it. As I’m writing this, I actually didn’t know what topic or what things that I can spill here. This is definitely some places for me to just escape from the hurtful reality. Eceh, kita bercakap seperti kitalah yang paling disakiti bukan? There are soooooooooo many things I want to do in my life. Aku rasa macam aku baru hidup. Ye, reality does hit me in so many ways. Being jobless at the early age of 24 isn’t a crime isn’t? I am actually waiting for the interview results. I tried to belief this process of growing, trying to digest and kinda forcing myself to believe that everything would be as it is. Or I can say that, let Him pave the way for me to always never waver as I walk by the road. Whether its bumpy ride, straight lane or criss-cross road, I need to get back to Him back isn’t? 

My schedule for almost like these almost two-months are not healthy at all. I felt very demotivated, feel restless even I’m not doing anything, yes literally not doing anything. I feel bad towards my parents of not being able to give back. I want to give back to my parents and family right now. There is no such important things than making my loved one happier. I would be happy for them to if only I can do so. But, I felt really useless now. Woke up so late, not being productive, doesn’t felt really good. I need to get out of my comfort zone. Being in this kind of state isn’t good for my mental health, my spiritual journey are so bad right now. I felt like I am really floating without any guidance. I miss being contented with loads of good and positive energy back then during my studies time. It is probably because I am surrounded by good people who always remind me of it is ok just to be myself. It is not that I’m saying right now I don’t surrounded by good people, it is just my emotions were roller coaster as heck. 

I miss walking by the lake, yes just walking and counting the steps. I wanna grow up to be able to give back to the community. I think by doing that it can help me of finding myself back. I wanted to believe of myself of being capable of doing something good towards other people. I actually don’t know how, right now. It felt like there’s always missing puzzle of here and there. The core of yourself wasn’t strong or grip enough. I wobbled a lot. The picture above were taken during those playful-stress-kind-of-time on our internship phase. I just wanted to keep it here. These people plays so much role in my few last chapter of years since 2018. I hope you guys are doing well enough. 

I hope you’re doing well enough too, my dear self. 

-f.n.r 

[1.37am, Batu Pahat, 12th February 2022] 

[quillandcunty]

Made it home. I'm ready. I got this

[anghelsalupa]

So, as october is fast approaching so do our 2nd Quarter and activities. Hindi ko na alam paano magpapahinga sa ganitong time. Lord, guide me and my decisions. Meron pa kaming thesis, pictorials and final revalida exam. Panabangi intawn among kwarta ani. Unta dili sa mi mabankrupt. 💕