Things my boyfriend has said/done on our trip to San Francisco that is totally in character for Ivan the Orc from Will You Lead Us:
I like trees
Corn! It smells like corn!
Donkey!
Moomoos (aka cows)! Beef for dinner!
Do you need to pee? We can pop a squat over there.
*using voice command to text the others in their car* My lady has to pee. *the device doesn't understand him so he speaks louder and enunciates* My LaDy hAs tO pEe.
me: can I have some water, please?
Him, talking to the passengers in the back, using his deep man voice: Water.
AHH! SQUIRREL ON THE ROAD! Actually, he kinda looked like a horse... squirrel...
Day Two- On the Way to Sacramento!
Look! Oo! Cows! *unintelligible excited sounds and banging on the side of the door* MOO! MOOOO! *in an effort to get them to moo back*
*Later passes by an entire field of cows* HOLY SHIT! MOO! MOOOOOOO!
Oh, oh, look! SHEEP! THERE'S SHEEP!
Oh, falcons. They're just waiting for the cows to die in this heat.
Oh my God, bees! They have beehives, do you see them?!
*pouting* Aw, I just killed a butterfly. (while driving)
*imitaing turkey gobbles* I laugh
Him: What? I'm communicating with my fellow animals, ok?
*sees roadkill* Wah, nooo! *he leans into my hand for a short and comforting snuggle while driving*
Me: it's okay, love. You didn't do it
Our friend in the backseat: What? What happened?
Me: He hates roadkill, it makes him really upset.
Day Three- Trip to Six Flags!
more mooing at cows
bewildered amazement at the size of various birds
*offers me his hand when we get in line for entry* It's for your social anxiety. I know you need something to hold.
screams and laughs in childlike joy throughout the entire day and on every ride
(paraphrased) Him: Are you hungry? Eat.
Me: No, but it's expensive.
Him: I'll get you whatever you want. You're hungry, eat.
Me asking for him because he doesn't want to make a societal faux pas: Do you have turkey legs?
Constantly checking in on everyone and making sure they're hydrated. Corralling the group and guiding them to the next place. Finding rides for all of us to get on (I'm a wuss).
Look at the sunset!
(paraphrased, again) I told him I wasn't feeling well when we got home. He had to leave for Dollar Tree after. Queue this procession when he got back
Him: You want a Hot Pocket?
Me, waiting for my current Hot Pocket to cool down: I have one, thanks.
Him: Oh, ok. *goes downstairs and comes back* I brought you soda. Do you want tea?
Me: Aw, thanks! Um, maybe later? *gestures to the soda*
Him, after going downstairs again: Here's some pork. I just made it. Do you want more?
Me: Mm, this is delicious.
Him: OK, then. *goes down and comes up again with a few bowls* Here, comida. Fettuccine Alfredo and chicken and some pork.
Me, almost in tears: Thanks.
Him, after we sit down to eat: Do you want a Hot Pocket?
Me, laughing and no longer feeling as sad: No, I'm so full. I already had one!
Him: Oh, ok. You okay?
Me: Much better, thanks.
Satisfied with this, he snuggles me and covers me in blankets.
