IMPORTANT: PLEASE, JUST READ THIS
I just want to take a few minutes to say something. I just finished watching 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. I read the book, not log after it came out, and it influenced me. A lot. And yes, it is completely coincidental that my name is Hannah too. I spent a lot of time in high school being bullied, just like Hannah Baker in the story. I've had a stalker, I've seen the aftermath of my friends, the people I spent all my time with in high school and afterwards, be raped, I've felt the pain and the heartbreak with knowing that there is nothing I could do to truly help them. I had someone I considered my best friend, try and rape me in fourth grade. In that instance, I was lucky. My little brother walked back in, and to this day, I consider him one of my heroes. I had a guy that I was dating try and rape me next to the lake where I lived my freshman year of high school, and nobody said anything, nobody did anything. I felt invisible until I heard the words that were spoken about me at school, and to me. High school was one of the hardest times for me. In the story, Hannah has all these people that are around her, but she sees only what she deems as wrong with them, and she doesn't think her life is worthwhile. I am here to tell you, right here, right now, that every person on this planet deserves to be here. Every person on earth deserves a chance to live a life that can prove to everyone around them, but also most importantly, prove to themselves, that they are strong, good, and that they just plain deserve to be here. They deserve to see the impact that the loss of them would have on the people around them. They deserve the chance to live, to grow, to thrive and be whoever they want to be. To grow up and be the person they, and their parents have always believed they could be. I got lucky. The people I kept around me, showed me that I deserve better than the way I was being treated. They showed me that they valued me. And sometimes, people aren't going to know how to tell others that. Even the people that are close to them. My parents, my family, had no idea how depressed I was, had no idea that I attempted suicide, they had no idea of anything going on in my mind. Because I didn't tell them. But, I found out a year or so ago, that they knew something was wrong, they could see that I was depressed, they just didn't have the words to tell me that. They didn't know what to say, they didn't know how to ask, they didn't know what to expect, or how to bring it up. And I was afraid to talk to them. I was afraid that they'd think I was crazy, or think that I wasn't strong, wasn't enough, to handle life on my own. As a teenager, I was terrified that if I told my parents, told my older sisters, or my little brother, that I would be judged. I was afraid that I'd be the black sheep of the family, that they would hate me for not feeling like I was needed, or wanted, on earth or in their lives. I was just afraid. This, this is me trying to share my story, although if you have questions you may feel free to ask me them. I'm saying, reach out. Talk to someone. Even if you don't know them. Open up. Share what's on your heart. Share your burdens. Someone cares. I care. Even if you can't see it right now through your tunnel vision of darkness, there are people in this world who want to help. There are people on this earth who care, even if they don't know who you are. THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT. IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WANT TO BE DONE WITH THIS WORLD AND TAKE YOUR CHANCES IN THE NEXT, THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT WILL MISS YOU. I WILL GUARANTEE THAT FOR EVERY PERSON YOU THINK DOESN'T CARE, THERE ARE 2 or 3 THAT DO. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, talk to someone. Write. Indulge in something you're passionate about. But most of all, PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE. If ANYONE, literally anyone, EVER needs to talk to someone, I'm here. I know what it's like to feel like you're stuck in the darkness. I know what it's like to feel like there is no way out. And I know what it's like to drag myself out of the darkness just to get a glimpse of the light, and little by little, there is more darkness than light. Some people suck, yes. But there are more people who love and care light it's going out of style. Find one. Reach out to someone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
