Light On Me- Brief/Messy Observations and Comments Ep 1-4
I mean I just... Korea finally, FINALLY has a BL that has a semi proper length and number of episodes, and it’s adorable and fluffy and I’m absolutely obsessed. This is also meant to be a harem but I feel like it’s been shortened to a love triangle that’s so good, dramatic for sure and also very conflicting. But I could mention everything that everyone has been saying so far about this show, but I just want to focus on Taekyung receiving the phone call from Shinwoo after he had stated that the day had been exhausting and he wasn’t feeling happy about it. Only for that to switch once he heard Shinwoo say thank you. Him being like this was actually a good day and smiling at the thought of it, because Shinwoo called him plus him being pissed each time Shinwoo pulls away just make me so giddy. One because he doesn’t even know it himself how pulled to Shinwoo he’s been, how he’s made it his goal to make him closer to him when he normally doesn’t try with people because he gave up on all that, I love the way he doesn’t even realize that he actually does have feelings for Shinwoo secretly and how he won’t focus on them because he already built a wall in his head/heart about Shinwoo saying he wouldn’t like him ever. Taek is like that, he resigns easily and he doesn’t try to bother with changing people’s thoughts on him because there’s no point. He’s used to futility of people liking him, and he’s used to being disliked. Even if he does have a whole load of secret feelings he doesn’t know about Shinwoo, it’d be hard for him to process it because in his head because to him Shinwoo is never goanna see him that way, or like him like that. So yes the feelings are secretly there, there’s a foundation for them., they just will be buried whilst Taek unknowingly acts on them each time he and Shinwoo interact. But as much as he’s going to transfer all that to Daon who is nice and sweet (makes sense why it’d be Daon he starts to fall for, he’s a fantasy, a goal to make Taek feel good about himself, he’s someone who Taek doesn’t necessarily believe would like him but he’s fine dreaming about the potential without it becoming real) , it’s pretty obvious that it is Shinwoo who Taek acts different for, it’s Shinwoo who’s the anomaly for Taek. the one who pushes him despite his frustrations to do things he normally won’t for others.
Why Shinwoo, why is him not giving the time of the day so frustrating. why does Taek fully trust he is a good person with good intentions despite his rowdy, rude and obstructive persona and why the desperate attempts to prevent him from reverting back to pulling away from him? Shinwoo is the only person Taek has had to automatically try to get to be his friend, not just because he has to but because he clearly wants him near him, he’s happy when he does things for him, even though he’s awkward as fuck. Taek finds him intriguing and comfortable to just be with and I find it so funny how he’s his true, blunt, honest self with Shinwoo and believes that he’s worth being nice to whilst with others he never tries or pays attention to what they think. Taek has a wall, he decided that people don’t like how he is, he even notices and tells Daon that the way he acts isn’t a good thing for people. He tries to normally stay away from others so they don’t misunderstand or feel bothered by how he really is. But when it comes to Shinwoo he’s sure he can make him like him for him. He’s sure Shinwoo and him can get along if they try to, and he doesn’t even try to change anything about himself to do so.
Shinwoo stays in his head as a goal, a mystery and a frustration ha; he also doesn’t like the thought of him sad and hurt, he’s protective of him, thoughtful about him and wants to be recognized by him. Shinwoo on the other hand is basically trying so hard to run away from his feelings, it’s not easy and he doesn’t know why Taek is so determined to make him stop running. For all his life it’s been a good thing to hide who he is, and pretend away what he feels, to push the people he wants away by saying he dislikes them so his feelings don’t scare them, to accept he’s abnormal and have a façade of being closed of, unbothered and harsh when in reality he’s awkward, full of anxiety and panic and frustrated by the secrets he holds. He’s been clearly bullied/hurt because of people guessing about his identity and because of that he ran away and decide to start over by pushing others away and keeping all of it to himself. This is similar to Taek, although we don’t know the full reason why, he also chose to run away and restart by not making effort with people anymore, ignoring people and refusing to make friends because he had accepted they viewed him as abnormal. He was fine with being on his own, it was a choice he made. Shinwoo did the same, he decided to keep his secret tucked in his heart, and only stay close to Daon and Namgoong whist avoiding any sign of danger which could make his real truth leak.
Taek from just meeting him, the first time they even saw each other already was that warning sign, he made him already flustered, and exposed Shinwoo’s secrets no matter how much Shinwoo tried to regain control once again. But although Taek is his warning sign, the alarms blaring that he’s about to lose that control of his truth, Taek is also the opposite, the answer to his issues, and the person who will protect and defend him instead of push him away. By Taek even showing up to defend him from people mocking him about his sexuality secretly and giving him advice on how to trust and let him in, is already the sign pointing to what Taek is going to be for Shinwoo. , Taek will actually be the person who reciprocates and makes him find himself and accept who he is later. Taek becomes his protector and also tells him to not let it prevent him from opening up, because he wants to get to know the real Shinwoo. The one person who he has feelings for that he can’t escape and won’t be hurt or rejected by once he accepts to let his truth out. Taek wants him by his side and not far, and Shinwoo makes Taek be brave and confident and also accept being himself truly without any walls. They both become what the other has been wanting/needing. They’re so similar, and Taek senses that, this is why he’s been drawn to Shinwoo from the start, someone who acts like him, who does what he does, and probably has a lot of scars that made him do what he does/ The way they push others away to prevent hurting themselves but finding each other and becoming each other’s balm and aid to those past wounds, becoming the right person they have been waiting for without knowing it.
