I watched all** the chained life povs and ranked them by which ones hold my queer little heart the most :)
My playlist where I collected all of them if you want to catch up on/find any you like (I will update as more sessions come out)
Anyway, rankings under cut (because it's long) :) (ALSO SEMI-SPOILERS)
Magicsings pov of her and Cass - I know everyone loves deepslate pact so far, but. Cass and Magic one-upped them. Magic "came out" to Cass in the mines and they both proclaimed themselves as lovers in the caves and promised each other to take the other to the end of the game.
Maegon (pov) and Jophiel - Maegon used the Jophiel my beloved gif like ten times do I have to explain.
Sidefall's pov of him and Ymi - They’re just a couple of besties and I love them for that (also they may or may not have been adopted by Flux and Saps). Truly the giggle and kick my feet pov
SaltySurvivalist pov and his "other half", KaNukei. I hate them. I hate them so much why are they so wholesome. Salty just wanted to build and Kanukei wanted to make a community 🥺
Lingulini's pov with Cynikka - they don't even hate each other. The flowers?? Cynikka giving flowers and diamonds to the girls?? Lingulini carrying the team hardcore?? They are so <3
KaNukei's pov of him and Salty - I still hate them. Kanukei cuts out a lot of the moments that were included in Salty's video, but the general wholesome vibe persisted :3
ItzzEnder's pov with Burney : I'm sorry, I'm a sucker for toxic yaoi. They hate each other and say shit like "thanks hun 🙄" they're so divorced core. They literally spend 20 minutes bickering and I live that for them. The ending of his video also makes me want to cry wtf
Ymi's pov of her and Sidefall - phenomenal editing, but Ymi scares me. Sidefall titled his episode "this random player in mc is stuck with me" and Ymi titled her episode "I got chained to my best friend" and they act the exact opposite. Sidefall hyping up Ymi definitely got me going like a dog but Ymi was out for blood with Sidefall lmao
Lampeyre's pov with Gray : I'm like yeah she's fine. Wonder when she'll be mine. Something something press rewind. And I got this snow block. This snowblock was sponsored by Thomas5200 and Micr0spr. Anyway these two are ranked higher in the listing because I'm scared to fuck up both of their pronouns. They call themselves the Elevator Boys
LegacyAN's pov with Benji. He cut out the two guys fishing in a pond five feet apart cuz they're not gay bit and trying to pull Benji out of the way of a projectile really contributed to how much I love them as a pair.
LordBurney's pov with that chump Ender. More toxic yaoi. Burney is so controlling and knowing he stopped Ender from going to see what was up with Kanukei and Salty when they were chased out of the woodland mansion really has me. (They’re mutually really toxic and I love that for them)
KagL's funeral pov. It's 2 minutes long. It is a 2 minute long video and it gives genuine arg vibes for literally no reason. Would recommend
awobbuffet's pov with Jaw. Hear me out. Neither of them do anything terrible to the other, they just "don't like" each other yet spend the entire time giggling and poking fun at each other.
JawUnleashed's pov with Wobb - he cut out a lot of their bickering :((((, but the production quality is through the roof (ig that's what he gets posting it later). AND Jaw does include a new section of them just singing for a little. Honestly the chemistry is there, they both aligned themselves to a single goal and did it in one session and I think that’s based as hell.
Benji_Button's pov with Legacy. His editor didn't cut out the 2 bros 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay. There was a save from Benji where he went "well…" in response to being not gay but most of the fishcast was also cut out in favor of showing progression and gameplay which I think is homophobic (for legal reasons this is a joke)
Saparata... and Flux..... I waited to watch these two last. I just could NOT. They were hella domestic and honestly, there was a lot less homoerotic tension than I thought there would be.
WhaleMilk's pov with Panda - I knew nothing about WhaleMilk before this so it was a good introduction to him. I could connect with him when he admitted to being nervous about getting paired with someone he doesn't know. Then relief when he got paired to Panda. Also big props to WhaleMilk for being the straight (gasp) man of this duo
Hvyrotation's pov with KagL - I love this video, the editing is phenomenal, the shenanigans are stupid (wdym they burned down Saps' face). The intro is genuinely the best one of them all I almost died. I can't believe KagL freakin died
DaHouse_Panda's pov with WhaleMilk - They’re funny, I like them. Panda and WhaleMilk scaring the shit out of some people was honestly 10/10. They're one of the pairs who participate in the woodland mansion raid which I personally think is by far one of the best bits from the first session.
Bizzy_Brit's pov of her and Light Rocket - for what these two are known for (Barbieland), I think it's hilarious that they have the most cishet guy and girl best friends vibes ever. The "our so's aren't worried about us being besties because we'd never look at each other like that" vibes are immaculate. Brit has a funny laugh too which had me laughing along with her :)
Thomas5200 pov and….. "Micr0spr"…. ok there's a reason this is last and it's not because of straight man behavior. I'm just deeply unsettled by the Longdawg and Micro swap. And also the fact that Longdawg knows how to make a landmine irl. ALSO THEY SPONSORED LAMP AND GRAY TO DO THEIR TIKTOK WHICH HAS BEEN EARWORMED INTO ME AFTER HEARING IT SO MANY TIMES. I hate them, awesome pov tho
**I lied, I didn't watch them all. There are FOUR vods in circulation from Zam, Light Rocket, Cass, and Cynikka and honestly I am a full time college student and work part time at a Spirit Halloween I do NOT have the time or energy to watch allat. They're not ranked but they are still in my playlist in case people do want to watch them. I'm just here to document man
National Geographic learned that 42 wild elephants are being rounded up to be sent abroad, to unidentified buyers who bought them in a Namibian government auction.
PHOTOGRAPH BY WOLFGANG KAEHLER/LIGHTROCKET/GETTY IMAGES
This week’s Chained Life episodes ranked by how happy they make me as a queer person (very relevant)
Disclaimer: spoilers and just because something is ranked low doesn’t speak to the video’s quality. All of them are really good, even the lowest ranked one (spoiler it’s Saps soz but he does not get the first thing about flower trading)
If you’re struggling to find povs here’s my playlist, I obsessively check channels daily for their uploads. (trust me when I say that navigating channels through descriptions has gotten exponentially worse this week)
Quick key: the first person listed is the one who posted the video so if a pair is listed more than once that’s why owo
Salty and Lingulini coming in with a steel chair??? What. the Hell. I was fine making up my own angst thank you very much I didn’t need to open a video to Salty trauma.
Lightrocket and Flux the deadpan kings. Lightrocket’s video is 100% worth it to watch because of the Taco Truck. “Down in the mines…” is a new stim for me.
Meagon and Benji. Meagon misses Jophiel and makes my gut hurt with laughter for half an hour. Also apparently Saps hates the poor, don’t shoot the messenger my queen said it.
Thomas and Kanukei. Obviously the murder negotiations are really funny with their pregnant pauses. But Thomas includes a really good cinematic before they launch and the Longdawg cameo had me nearly in TEARS. Thomas is fr ride or die for Micro and that little freak (Longdawg) 🥺🥺🥺
Lingulini with Salty. Lingulini “WHO”ing Salty had me crying. And then Salty sounded like he was gonna cry when they got Boogey. I love a pair of peaceful kings doing peaceful things and also inciting violence. SaltyPasta is their chosen duo name. Also loving the Salty being an omen for death that’s so cute (they watched so many people die)
Burney and Turkey. Ofc the breakup, Burney became even more of an alcoholic (I understand why they call him that now). There’s less homoeroticism than in Turkey’s pov, but. Burney’s editing is genuinely hilarious and the chemistry is 10x more consistent
Benji and Meagon - autistic lesbians in the mines. Meagon also misses her queen Jophiel 🥺 hewwo pwincess
Turkey and Burney. WHAT DO YOU MEAN TURKEY IS GETTING CUCKED BY GOTOGA. Messiest breakup (divorce) of the server
Magic and Gray devastated about losing their soulmates :((((( They’re besties now. The lovers lore persists. Gonna be interesting to see how their dynamic changes with recent Cass boundary changes
Lamp and Ender. Lamp's lavender marriage was broken up. Ender, Lamp, and Burney all have the same vocal fry and I can tell them apart the best in Lamp's video. They really committed to completing their civil duties
Gotoga and Zapynubs, homewrecker pov. No words. Just homewrecker pov. He even stole the chaintastic four’s bit.
Kanukei with Thomas. He's still ride or die for Salty 🥺. Also knowing Thomas is still ride or die for Micro is kinda nice,,, Kanukei is so protective of chain haven, I cannot, his episode was the one that broke me (it was the first episode I finished). I think Thomas stole all the trickster fae bs from Flux this session
Zam and Micro. I know I’ve resolved to not watch vods, but like….. I saw moments of Micro legit wanting to die and being dragged away screaming help (Micro is not gonna post a chained life vid for a WHILE). I needed to see them in action. As someone on here said, they're simulating a real abusive relationship
Legacy and Panda. Legacy’s audio is fucked up but honestly… What they did during the warden attack honestly got me in the feels. They put themselves in danger to protect Magic, Gray (other yellows), Wobb, and Thunder (reds) and it cost them a life (and nearly a second life)
Ymi and Whale Milk. I LOVE Ymi’s editing style she’s so funny. Whale Milk the GOAT. I got a lot of second-hand Jophiel moments from Ymi’s video.
Wobb and Thunder (subbing for Jaw). I think it’s really homophobic that Wobb stripped Thunder of his rights for the one session he was here. But. ThunderUnderline makes me uncharacteristically happy whenever he's on screen so that offsets all the homophobia. They’re Boat duo, that’s what Thunder called them so it must be true.
Sidefall and Jophiel. Jophiel is one of the most relatable people ever half of my written down quotes are from her. Especially the “This is gore of my comfort character” when they were boiling Thunder. Also I think it’s hilarious that they missed the warden.
Brit and KagL (subbing for Cynikka) - Flux does something really nice at the start and I love these two going around and just witnessing chaos (also rip Thomas and Kanukei these two did that shit)
WhaleMilk and Ymi (also poverty quartet). I love them and their flower exchanging :3. Also Jophiel comes out as gay what an icon. I think Whale Milk was just happy that Jophiel was there when the full Poverty Quartet squad was together
Ender and Lamp. Femboy and chill guy fulfill their civil duties, the episode. Honestly, Ender’s reaction to the warden stuff has given me a new appreciation for Ender’s ability to take charge of a situation
Rotation and Saps. I didn’t realize how bad the Flux slander and Untitled Alliance betrayal was until I watched Rotation's pov. I hope Flux gets the kids (Sidefall and Ymi) in the divorce now what the hell. They STOLE Sidefall and Ymi's enchanting table??? Do you know how many people were crying over e tables in session 2 after Chain Haven's got stolen???
Panda and Legacy. I'm so sorry they got hate crimed so hard this episode especially by Zapynubs (full-naming him because Zapy is unfortunately close to my name). The queer energy is unfortunately in the trenches because of all the misfortune. Tho Legacy and Panda’s talk toward end is lowkey sweet
Saps..... with Rotation - Saps literally giving the flower trading girls a spider eye as a one up to a dandelion is so homophobic. Sure, we have a little trickster fae Flux behavior. But. Saps said he could do better than a dandelion and gave those girls a spider eye. As my son’s lesbian wife likes to say, don’t trust that white man. Doesn’t help that he’s also possessed by a demon
If you can’t tell, I don’t like conflict, conflict is homophobic behavior we should all get along.
Feel free to ask me anything because I have the brainworms and sometimes I say things that may or may not sound batshit crazy to others.
Chained Life Session 2 Spoilers !!!!!!!!!!!!! (namely for Saps and Lightrocket videos)
Flux literally has done nothing wrong. The moment Flux left Saps' sight, Saps went "I don't trust that guy" and made the move to destroy the very thing they established together on the first day, their sugarcane monopoly. Saps is also hiding stuff from Flux, unlike Flux who has established nothing outside of their alliance nor has he been hiding items or information from them in the slightest.
In Lightrocket’s pov you can see Flux has no intentions to betray Untitled Alliance, Flux even speaks to Lightrocket with full confidence that the alliance is steady and with 0 clue that he's potentially lost his standing with Saps.
Flux pulled ONE trickster fae bit and was a little vague when answering something. He took his normal pills for the rest of the session and didn't do any more trickster fae bits. And no, bringing up a warden does not count as a trickster fae bit in this context. Instead, Saps lying to Lingulini and Salty and prying info out of Salty namely (who does not know better) about sugarcane stashes and farms is a trickster fae bit.
As I put in my notes for the session 2 vids: Why can't we let a cryptic king stay cryptic? (Followed by the answer that Thomas5200 this week is why we shouldn’t let cryptic kings stay cryptic.)
I hope they break up, the angst would be worth it (it's already worth it) and I'm sorta excited to see what comes of them. I hope Saps gets the kids (Sidefall and Ymi) despite his recent homophobic behaviors 🙏
