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Tried to formulate thoughts and expressed an opinion so I will be utterly convinced I’m a garbage human for the next 48 hours or 307 years it could go either way

#I hate #ocd #ugggh #anxiety #mental health #emotional health #why is it so hard to human #like being #imperfect #is okay I know this logically #but aaaaaaaahhhhh #neurological Lyme disease #lyme disease #bartonella warrior

Me, at 2:40AM, extremely tired but writing anyways: IMMA MAKE SUPERMAN THE ASSHOLE, MUAHAHAHA @lenoreofraven :

#look #I love Clark #he is bby #but #it is 2:40AM #and I feel #like being #an asshole #so #hehehehe #for future maribat #just for context #well #for one of them #ellie needs to deal with my nonsense

Times like these I reminded ahhh yess that is why I want to save up to move out

#because I hate this and his stupid power over everyone cause I say so bullshit #I fucking hate it I despise it and I can't say shot about it or I'm being ungrateful or as he's been saying recently #I'm a spoiled princess #I don't #like being #fucking called princess #ever

Well. My mood dropped drastically again.

Factor A: I tried recording my singing voice and guitar using my new mic, just to experiment. It was horrible. I understand if my guitar playing skills are bad, since I started practice relatively recently, but I honestly felt pretty confident in my voice. Now I'm not so sure. So yeah, I have yet another addition to my plentiful insecurities.

Factor B: Yet another relationship success story on facebook. I feel bad for feeling bad about it, but it just is horrible. People write about like it was no big deal. "Oh, I went to the dance and now I got this awesome girl and I'm so happy and lol it's no big deal." I know they're probably writing the event in a manner that's cool and all, and it's probably not as magnificent (or maybe it is), but still really gets to me.

So yeah. I honestly thought this day would be okay, with the kids and the family dinner we had at this Israeli restaurant, but I guess that just didn't work out. I don't even know what I'm going to do tomorrow. Probably just sit at home and feel bad. Maybe my dad and I'll go out for a movie tomorrow (my mom's not getting the day off), but honestly I just don't think I'll want to wake up. I wonder how people without serious anxiety live. I can't imagine. Sure, everybody has insecurities and all, but normal people probably don't want to jam an icepick into their throat because their voice is more screwed up than they expected. It's irritating. I honestly try not to overthink such matters, but that just makes me think more about them. So yeah. I guess I'm kind of a fucking mess. Well, I guess a lot of people have it worse than me, so I'm just a little bit of a fucking mess. Like, a banana peel compared to a landfill. Or something. I'm pretty bad at analogies, just like monkeys and typewriters and little hats are sometimes combined to create an awful joke.