More ramblings, I can't be stopped!
Yknow when Cale saves Raon and is happy when he finds Raon is still ready to fight? Let me quote it:
Cale liked the dragon because it was so different from him. Growing up an abused orphan, Cale- well, Kim Roksu- had given up. After his childhood, he didn't want to be the main character of a story, like Choi Han was. And, after giving up in the place he called home, he felt too weak to fight against the world.
Being difficult is also a factor in why Cale doesn't want to be a hero, but maybe he doesn't think he can be a hero because he couldn't even protect himself. What he always fails to realize is that he was a child. The fact that he got out of that house ALIVE, without much physical trauma from what I can remember, is a testament to Roksoo's ability to survive.
I also think he wrongly equates giving up to surviving. Again, he was a child. He didn't have money, a job, a way to get a roof over his head, hell he probably didn't even know where his birth certificate was if his uncle even kept that. A child is a dependent, the only thing he could do was live while biding his time to get out of his uncles house and then the orphanage.
But that isn't what a hero does.
Heros are strong, directly confronting whatever stands in their way even in the face of hardship.
But surviving isn't pretty. A lot of the time you just have to take it because, as a child, you don't have supernatural abilities or absurd physical capabilities, and you're dependent on the adults around you for everything. For Cale, this was probably super apparent. With his love for fiction, I wonder just how many books he's read or shows he's watched about some powerful young adult or child fighting off monsters and the like and decided that he wasn't that.
Heros fight, he didn't, he "gave up".
I think he still believes he is in a way. All his plans hindge on living a peaceful life, something he's been working towards ever since he was a kid. It's not until he becomes Cale and gets the shield that he even does anything physically. A lot of his actions are under the table, he's a strategist and more so delegates tasks rather than fighting. Heros also don't do that so another tally to why Cale doesn't think he's a hero, but I digress.
Surviving and being the brains behind something is still fighting. Being alive is still fighting.
What I'm getting at is that Cale believes he's doing the bare minimum, and has been doing the bare minimum since childhood when he had to take his uncle's abuse. He goes on the battlefield because he wants to survive, not out of heroic reasons (or so he believes anyway). He NEEDED to.
If he didn't take his uncles abuse then he'd die on the street. If he didn't fight the monsters then he'd die if they got in. If he didn't change the plot, he'd die in the war coming over the horizon.
He doesn't deserve praise, to be called a hero, because he's simply trying to survive.












