#lildevyl's rant

[lildevyl]

Getting This Off My Chest (Rant/Vent) 😔

I know this isn't going change anything and I just need to get the off my chest! I haven't fully gotten the chance to see Quackity's or TommyInnit's VOD but from all the clips and posts that I've seen.

Well, THANKS Cannon! Now, I have to scrap all the AU planning that I have! Just thanks! Because I know if I start to write anything with c!Dream that isn't in character or even so much as even try that Second Chance!AU that was completely looking forward in doing that was going be so Canon Diverse that Canon wasn't even going to be a thing or it was going to be so diverse from that it was suppose be a completely different time line!

But now?! Now, I know I can't write it! I can't write it even though it was inspired by a comic from an Artist that I'm huge fan of! I can't write now! Because if I do, then people are going to think that I'm c!Dream Apologist when I never been one! I like his character! I like analyzing it trying to see what makes him tick! But I even attempt to write this AU for c!Dream? Yeah, it's going to be coming out of the fucking wood work of something that I'm not or worst!

I feel like I'm back in the god damn JackSepticeye Community Controversy when came to writing AntiSepticeye! That you couldn't fucking write a Soft!Anti story because if you did then you were "Ruining the Character!" Because in Canon AntiSepticeye is this "Monster of an Evil Villain" he's not "Nice!" And writing him like that is just wrong!

And I hated it! Because I felt so guilty and bad for enjoying that guilty pleasure of mine to the point where, it took so long to just write let alone even attempt to post the damn Swap!AU!

Now, feel the exact same way with this! So, thanks Canon! Now, I'm just going to pretend that I'm actually a somewhat decent writer and write the "Safe" stuff with Dream SMP when it comes to c!Dream! Otherwise, I'm going be labeled at a fucking "Dream Apologist" and that's just something I don't have the time, the energy, the mental compacity to even try to explain myself for why I'm writing a fucking Canon Diverse AU of a character that's going be OOC and very non-in character!

I'm ending this here! If read this, don't even bother coming in my DM's or Inbox with the whole, "You're Dream Apologist?" or whatever the fuck! It's going be deleted b/c no, I'm not! There's was an AU I wanted to write about giving c!Dream a Second Chance at life that would have been completely Canon Diverse.

But now? I'm not so sure I'm even allowed to even write let alone even try to post!

Am I going to do other Characters for the Second Chance AU? YES! For Dream? I don't even fucking know now!

[lildevyl]

Me (sees so many cool animatics):  Cool, maybe I should try to make one.

Also me:  Oh wait, I can’t draw.

Me: I should buy a tablet then I can draw!

Also me:  *After a few hours of practicing*  Yup, still can’t draw.  Back to the drawing board. 

[lildevyl]

What the hell’s wrong with me today?!  I feel so Blah!!!  I kept saying I want to try doing art again, and yet my digital art tablet still sits in it’s box.  I told myself and my husband that I want to try some drawing today.  Yet, I’m still scouring the internet to preoccupy me.  I say I’m going write.  I write when it hit midnight and wonder why I’m so tired in the morning.

What the absolute fuck?  What’s wrong with me?

[lildevyl]

This probably going to be an unpopular opinion, but after today and after checking my student e-mail and my Community College Website.  I need to vent here.

Okay, so I work at a Big Chain Main Stream Grocery store here in the tri-state area (MD, Penn, VA) and after tonight.  OH, MY GHOUL PEOPLE!!!!!  But I can’t fully blame the parents on this.  It was a non-stop cart to cart to cart shopping cart full of everything!  We literally just got hand sanitizer and toilet paper in, and the toilet paper is gone!  The hand sanitizer will be gone by tomorrow.  And I’m surprised we still have bottles of water left!

But what has got me and this is what I can’t really blame the parents here for, is that every single College (yes including Community Colleges) and Universities:  Have officially sent everyone home!  All the students home!  The staff will contact them via Blackboard and e-mail for the class material.  All events regarding the students using the campus all have been canceled until further notice.  All staff members are still to come to campus for regular hours.

My question is, what about the students here?  What about the students who are on scholarships?  What about the students who need the scholarships?  What about the students who are not in state but are from out of state and are either living on campus or in the campus area?  Are you guys going to make sure they get their money for the tuition fee?  Or are you going to reimburse them?

I mean I understand why the parents were stocking up so much.  They were making sure they have enough food for everyone for two weeks.  At least that’s what they're saying.  Translation: “We’re stocking up because no one knows how long the College will have all the students be home and just have them do their courses and tests online.”

So Senator Hogan, if you were going for the “Zombie Apocalypse/It’s the Apocalypse” Statewide panic.  Congratulations!  You have officially brought to life The Walking Dead.  *Note the sarcasm, sir, because this is utterly and completely ridiculous, and ludicrous*

Thanks for coming to my rant!

[lildevyl]

Okay, so I’m going to apologize ahead of time for this vent but at the same time I can really use some advice.  I have a friend that I practically adopted as a family member.  The problem?  I honestly don’t know how to handle their clinginess.

Friend:  Hey can you take me in town so I can get some Christmas shopping done?

Me:  Sure, but I have to be home around 8 for dinner.

*6 Hours Later*

Me:  Okay, we need to get going!  I need to get home now!  Are you done because I need to get home!  It’s late and I need to get home for dinner!

Friend:  Oh, okay, I’ll come over so we can hang!

======================

Me:  *Finds out that friend has serperate aniexty issues and can’t be by themselves for too long*

Me:  *Tries to down play it so as to not make seem like a big for them.

Friend:  When I told you about being by myself and how scare I am you just brushed it off like it was nothing!

===========

Friend:  Hey check this video by my favorite YouTuber!

Me;  Does this serious have anything with suicide in it?

Friend: Yeah, it does.  Oh it’s trigger.

Me:  *Tries to explain my triggers and that YouTubers even if it’s a blind playthrough, needs to put trigger warnings of games with that.  Then explains about the summary of games will have that and they do edit the videos they should know even it’s a blind playthrough.

Friend:  Yeah, I get it you have depression!  Let’s watch something else.

=========

*Friend moves away.  I’m sad but at the same time kinda glad b/c now we both have some space*

Friend:  Hey, can you take to the allergist?

Me:  Okay, but I have to be home by 6.  Promise Rose, I go play Bingo with her tonight.

*Goes to allergist then an improtue shopping trip*

Me:  Okay, I need to drop you off so I can get home.

Friend:  What?  I thought you can come in hangout?

Me:  I need to home remember?

Friend:  Oh, okay.

===========

Friend’s Cousin:  *Text:*  Hey, (Redacted) needs you to drive them to the allergist.

Me:  Yeah, I can do that, but I need to be home by 6.

Friend:  *Adds all the shopping to the list*

========

Friend:  Hey, can you come down?  I have you’re Christmas Present!

Me:  Sure, I have you’re Hanukkah Present.

*Exchange gifts and nothing but awkwardness b/c their too engross in their game.*

Friend:  Hey let me show you this videos of an artist that my sister and I like.

*15 minutes later*

Me:  Oh, cool.  I seen a video of them from EditingIsEverything!  Do want to see it?

Friend:  *Engross in game now*  Now, just text it too me and I’ll watch it later.

Friend:  *Too engross in game and never once invites or says anything that they want to me stay or hang out.

Me:  *After using the restroom*  Well, okay, I’m going to head out.

Friend:  What already?  I thought that you could you know, stay awhile and hangout?

Me:  *Feelings way too awkward especially, about being ignored* 

Me:  *Makes some kind of excuse that I need to head home*

=============

Okay, so I know it sounds bad and that it looks like I’m some sort of pushover.  But I’m not!  It’s just I have no idea how to handle a friend that really clingy!  And they say just to take them one place and then suddenly adds to the shopping list and no matter how much I keep saying I need to head home.  It doesn’t register.  And my friend is one of those people that if you don’t tell them bluntly what’s happening, they honestly don’t get the hints.

Just any advice will be helpful!  Thanks!  And sorry for the very long rant!

[lildevyl]

YouTube is bullshit now!  It logged me out of my account and now I’m going through hell for the past hour to just try to log back!  And I keep getting Error!  There was an error that’s all we can say.  Can’t log in at this time try again later!  Like what the hell!!!!!  YouTube get your shit together!  This why your losing people to Twitch!!!