Lilith in 8H Synastry (18+)
Because this was requested, let's talk about it! ☺️
Lilith in 8H Synastry, if I'm honest, is not my favorite Lilith Synastry to have. Lilith being in someone's 8H is raw, deeply magnetic, kind of unsettling, and addictive in ways that are sort of unexplainable.
I have touched base enough on the 8th house in terms of general meanings so let's talk more about lilith. For the sake of the post I will be referring to Lilith with she/her pronouns, but obviously apply lilith to whatever gender is relevant to your synastry. In your birth chart, Lilith represents the parts of us that we refuse to change and compromise. It's where we can't, won't, and refuse to be controlled. When were looking at your Lilith, we're looking at your inner or darkest desires. We're looking at your anger, your sexuality, how you use your sexuality ,your autonomy, the parts of you that was shamed by others, where you feel rejected, etc. it is a powerful placement that could be very exposing of your control issues, or of the things that you just don't want the outside world to see.
When this Lilith person meets the 8th house, it feels almost immediately addictive and dangerous. This connection is full of power struggles and that's because power and control is like one of the main themes of the relationship, or it's part of how the two of you met in the first place. There is something taboo about this connection and it's not always that it's forbidden, but rather that the two of you bring out very primal and raw sexual desire in each other. There is a lot that could be said about this synastry, but to start I should emphasize that there is nothing casual about this connection or situation, and both parties tend to be very extreme. When they meet, both people have their own shame, and secrets that they bury. Or, the both of them start the relationship off on a lie.
The house person feels seen in a way that is both very exposing for them, but very exciting. It's in a way that nobody has seen them before, or in ways that nobody has appreciated them. This is not always in a sexual manner, this could be that you could have a hobby or a passion that you gatekeep because you've had really bad experiences with sharing your passions with others, but the Lilith person just genuinely makes you feel comfortable being yourself, doing those things. I feel like the 8th house is really all about gatekeeping the things that matter most to you, your sensitivities, etc. so when Lilith is here, you see two people coming together and just truly letting themselves unravel and just be. Because this is the 8th house we're talking about, this could be about being sexually vulnerable, trying things you've always wanted, but it could definitely be about sharing your deep dark secrets with one another. Sharing the side of you that you hide from others. The intimacy probably could feel unmatched and it's what essentially causes such magnetic obsession for both people.
The house person will likely naturally feel exposed because nobody before Lilith has dared to "go there" with them. They may have never felt such a deep connection with anyone and so of course it's scary. They can also feel an overwhelming (and damn near compulsive) sexual desire for the Lilith person. This is like a shock for house person's system, because they otherwise are pretty chill when it comes to desire and sexual appetite. But when they meet Lilith — it's like holy shit, who is that? How do I get them in bed? Etc, etc. Lilith brings out the house person's inner freak and maybe even their inner sexual demon. The house person will feel almost like, possessed by the connection. This is likely because of that addictive nature of the connection. What I will say is that they don't have consistent feelings for the Lilith person, and they will go through phases where they're fascinated by them and they will go through phases where they're dreading being around them. Either way there is like a silent or unspoken pull towards the lilth person that the house person doesn't really understand.
Usually the house person is preoccupied with thoughts about what the Lilith person thinks of them. Some of these questions / thoughts they are are: why can't I stop thinking about them? Why do I feel out of control around them? Do I have boundaries with them? What are they doing? What are they feeling? What are they hiding? Etc.
In the house person's shadow, they can be really paranoid about the Lilith person, especially after sleeping with them. They can become controlling, secretive, and manipulative to feel like they have a grasp on the Lilith person. They like to test Lilith's loyalty by pushing their boundaries because the house person tends to lack them when interacting with the Lilith person but they are unaware that Lilith is a autonomous agent herself, so there's never going to be any controlling of lilith.. this can drive the house person crazy. The house person may want to control Lilith in its worst manifestation. The problem is that there is such a push-pull dynamic between them that the house person often subconsciously causes. The cycle involves them wanting closeness, then panicking when Lilith gives them the closeness that their soul desires, they pull away, and then they come back chasing that feeling. The sexual desire and love that the house person feels for Lilith can feel like an awakening for them, or like extremely destabilizing.
From Lilith's perspective, they could feel very exposed by the house person as well but just in a different way. Lilith could literally feel like they've triggered something in the house person that is hard to ignore. For some, they could be very empowered from this connection because Lilith finds her power when she's in her raw, most sexually primal form. Sometimes, Lilith loves being the center of sexual desire and affection. However, there are times that she can feel very objectified and even fetishized by the 8th house person.
Just as a sidebar and from my studies through reading other charts, I've noticed that this is really the synastry between two people who are very different. Their differences could really be the initiation of this primal attraction that I've been discussing. Some of these differences are a difference of age, difference of social or economic status, different race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, etc. I will always be super honest about this synastry because it's not always pretty and some of the uglier aspects of this involve that there is a lot of fetishization that can happen here. Especially fetishization of the Lilith person.
For instance, if Lilith person is of another race than house person, then *sometimes* this can look like the house person only being interested in Lilith because of their different race, or they heavily sexualize the Lilith person's race or they sexualize Lilith person's body for the same reason. This could also be the case for their age so if Lilith is younger, the house person could enjoy having an age-gap sexual relationship and vice versa. It comes back to power and an exchange of power. In my opinion, it's not always safe for lilith because this is the 8th house we are talking about, this is the house of sex, death, mystery, taboo, what's hidden, etc. so, in a lot of ways, I would say that Lilith is very compromised here.
Lilith, however, could enjoy the power that she seems to have over the house person. In Lilith's eyes, it really does seem like they have the power in the dynamic, even if they're like aware of the fact the the house person is overly sexualizing them or treating them like a fetish. Guys, this shit gets weird lmao. This is because Lilith can sense that the 8th House person is obsessed with them, and they use that to their advantage.
The Lilith person could be asking themselves, why me? Why are they so obsessed with me? Why are they so intense with me? Why do they stare at me like that? Why do they only want to see me at night? Why do not they not post me? Lilith can literally feel like they are going crazy because when they are together with the house person, it could feel electrifying like nobody else in the world exists or matters more than the two of them. But when they are apart, they feel ignored and abandoned by the 8th house person even if they know that the 8th house person is consistent if that makes sense. The Lilith person will start to feel like a secret because in this house she unfortunately is. She could be a secret because the house person has somebody else, or because she comes from a different socioeconomic background like I mentioned. She could be a secret because she's literally like a stripper or s*x worker & house person doesn't want this sexual preference of theirs exposed. She could be a secret because house persons parents doesn't want them with a specific race/ethnic background, there could definitely be racism involved here but it's not always the case this will pan out how it will for each individual. This is true for religious aspects, career aspects, etc. There's something about Lilith that Lilith feels the house person is hiding from the world, and I think this could definitely mess with their emotions and self worth.
When Lilith is in her shadow, she could be very vindictive towards the house person. She could withdraw sex and withdraw seeing them and totally cut the house person out of her life. She could do this periodically and create an endless cycle for the house person, like a cat and mouse game that she dictates. Lilith will start playing into the power dynamic between them and the house person and she could make the house person feel mentally and emotionally insane. Her tactic is definitely the following: seduce, withdraw, repear, and it works really well for her.
In the darkest manifestations, both people will experience episodes of jealous rage. Physical violence is not necessarily common with this placement but it could happen. There is definitely a lot of emotional manipulation and blackmail that can go on. Unfortunately I do see sexual coercion going on here as well. Both could act out in a revengeful manner if they feel rejected by one another and they could take it too far. There's also a lot of possessiveness here, even without commitment. They could feel like you belong to them even if you've only had one or two nights with them and vice versa. Be careful with money too. In the worst manifestation, this aspect can signify theft or taking advantage of somebody for their money, this could be like a sugar baby/daddy/mommy situation. Someone could be exploited out of their money or financially blackmailed as well. Either way, money is going to be lost in this connection somehow and it could be tied in with Lilith-like themes: sex, sex work/ers, drugs, alcohol, illegal things. There could be secrecy surrounding finances and how one makes their money (mostly Lilith). Lilith could be in sex work, death work, spiritual healing, etc and house person could milk lilith from these specific resources (or vice versa flip it where it needs to be flipped). Financial control and domination is also a possibility. Sexual exploitation, revenge p*rn, selling your NSFW videos without consent, s*xual violence, r*pe fantasies, taboo, and victim/perp kink fetishes can take a bad turn here. On that subject, there's a real lack of sexual boundaries which can boarder on the lines of unsafe for both people. these things can happen.
On a lighter note, things are not always so bad, but they are always intense. The two of you can heal together and dive deeper in the issues that both of you can't talk about out loud. This is a great aspect for a couple that can do deep shadow work together and actually heal. The two people can transform together especially if they met each other at like the lowest points in their life. They might find strength in one another to do the hard work to make changes for the better and to trust again. I also feel like they could also both be very honest with one another even to like a radical level. They will feel like there's no need to sugarcoat or hide their truth around one another which could be very liberating. They also have a very strong sexual and psychic bond that is hard to break and only strengthens as the commitment deepens. There are definitely perks with this synastry, but the common factor is intensity and how much energy both parties are willing to give to the connection.
This observation has come from so many synastry charts that I have studied with this aspect. Out of my studies, I do feel like this couple if they are committed, can stay together for many decades. But sometimes, you have to ask yourself if it all was worth it? Because this is not a walk in the park to have this synastry with somebody. It seemingly affects your self-esteem when the connection is bad, and it vitalizes you when the connection is good, but to make this work, both parties have to be willing to transform otherwise they will be stuck and pretty much decay together if they are unwilling to grow.
