Yeah I know james loved lily, pursued her for years, asked her out on inappropriate occasion(s) (one is canon), pulled many stunts and impress her, but do you really think that is love? Love is not loud and attention seeking. It is something that thrives in quiet places, stolen glances, eye contacts that last longer than normal, memorizing their timetable, romantic dreams, making a big deal out of holding hands, blushing a little too hard when your friends mention them, worrying a little too much when they don't show up for a day's class. When something happens to them, love may not shriek the loudest, but it breaks the most. But love is also disappointment. What do you do when you love them and they do nothing but hurt you, unknowingly? How do you forgive them, and more importantly how do you forgive yourself? Can you not see lily sitting in secluded classrooms, empty dormitories and abandoned tower tops, wondering all of this? Can you not see her being utterly in love with james potter, which nobody knows about, while he is out there, making a huge show out of his "love"? Can you not see why she was so disappointed in him and only him? Not sirius, him. Because yes he is sweet and cares about her and that made her fall in love with him, but he is also this fucking arsehole who does the weirdest things, hurts her friend severus, does not know when to stop with his pranks, does not know when he has stopped having fun and started hurting people and cannot for the life of him figure out why she won't agree to go out with him. She has seen him with people he loves. She knows he will do anything sirius tells him to. She knows he, Sirius and Peter take care of remus every full moon. She knows he helps Peter with his anxiety and always tries to make him feel included. But she also knows he ignores whatever she says, doesn't take her seriously when she tells him to stop, doesn't take her seriously when she tells him his harmful pranks aren't "attractive". She knows he does not love her. Love is also contained in heavy sighs. Sighs of realization that they will never be yours, you will never be able to accept them, and they will never try. Can you see sixteen years old Lily being on the verge of a breakdown when he comes jumping around, with his three friends, and tells her he bets she hasn't seen this trick that he can do on his broomstick, and he is sure that it will impress her? Can you see him answering "because i love you" to her question "why do you try so hard?" Can you see her finally breaking and telling him to fuck off and that he knows nothing about love because if he did, he wouldn't be doing these elaborate tricks, that he would be really paying attention and see how much this bothers her, and "I know you don't love me because unlike you, I pay attention to your actions, your words, your everything because I love you. And I regret every bit of it and very much wish I didn't."? Then she storms away, not with tears but mere disappointment in her eyes, but is disappointment really "mere"? That was when he stopped. That was when she told herself she stopped.
