Don't Spill Your Guts ('Cuz That's A Mess No One Wants To Clean Up)
Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Monsta X Category: M/M Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationship: Lee Jooheon/Lim Changkyun | I.M; Background Chae Hyungwon/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu; Lee Minhyuk/Shin Hoseok | Wonho/Yoo Kihyun Characters: Lim Changkyun | I.M, Lee Jooheon, Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Yoo Kihyun, Lee Minhyuk, Chae Hyungwon, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu Additional Tags: Monsta X Bingo, Canon Compliant, Canon Square, Idol Life, Coming Out, Anxiety, Fluff, Teasing, Fluff and Smut, Smut, First Kiss, First Time, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Unsafe Sex, use condoms kids, Porn with Feelings, Porn With Plot, Friends to Lovers, Supportive Members Summary: No, Changkyun wasn't in love with Jooheon, he could simply recognize beauty when he was around it. alternatively, Changkyun comes out as gay to Jooheon and a lot of friendly, not-so-platonic teasing ensues. A/N: Title is from Breathe Carolina's 'The Dressing Room'. This is my second fic for the Monsta X Bingo and is for the Canon Square. As always shout out to @dirtyretrowrites for not only beta'ing this for me but also for dragging me into being a Monbebe.<br /> I hope you enjoy~
It was one of the few and far between nights that the boys had off. The dorm was oddly quiet, considering all of the members were home for a change. Occasionally the sounds of Minhyuk and Hyunwoo playing some random video game could be heard; or the sound of Kihyun arguing with Hoseok about what could and couldn't be kept in the refrigerator. Hyungwon was in his room catching up on his sleep before dinner was ready. Jooheon was alternating between scrolling on social media and playing a game on his iPod while laying down on his bed. Everyone was at ease and enjoying their evening. Everyone, that is, except for Changkyun.
Changkyun was pacing in front of the door to his room. No one was paying any attention to him; they were too absorbed in their own activities. The one person he wanted to talk to was currently on the other side of the door and was the reason he couldn't stress himself out in the privacy of his own room. He left the room earlier under the guise of taking a shower, which he did, but it didn't do much to quell his nerves. This left the boy pacing in front of his dorm room with slightly damp hair, wearing baggy sweatpants, a loose tee shirt, and a towel around his neck.
Just get on with it already, Lim Changkyun, he thought to himself. You promised you would tell someone before your birthday and you are quickly running out of time. After taking a deep, stabilizing breath, Changkyun grabbed the doorknob and twisted it, pushing the door open slowly.
Nothing changed from before he left to take a shower. Jooheon was still laying on his bed playing on his phone. When he noticed Changkyun was standing at the door, the older boy smiled and Changkyun was convinced he was cured of all of his ailments. No, he wasn't in love with his band mate, but he could simply recognize beauty when he was around it.
Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Changkyun sat down on the bed across from Jooheon's. "Hyung, can I talk to you?" he said quickly but quietly, afraid he would lose his determination if he hesitated any longer.
"Sure," Jooheon said. After locking his phone, he looked up and took in Changkyun's nervous aura. The light brown-haired boy was sitting on the edge of the bed as though he was going to run away at any moment. His leg was bouncing incessantly, and he had his hands drawn up to his mouth; his whole thumbnail was practically in his mouth. Jooheon sat up to face the other than patted the bed beside him and said, "Come here, Kyunnie." The leg stopped bouncing, but Changkyun waited a few minutes before he decided to move.
Once Changkyun was sitting beside him, Jooheon broke the silence again. "What's up, Kyunnie? You know you can talk to me about anything."
"Hyung," Changkyun started but cut himself off, too afraid at the implications of what he was about to say. "Hyung," he started again after clearing his throat. It was going to come out eventually, he needed to just say it. "I think I'm gay," he said it so very quietly and pulled his legs up to his chest.
"Oh, Changkyun," Jooheon began to say after being stunned into a brief silence. He had known for a while that the youngest wasn't quite heterosexual, and he had suspected for quite some time that he was, in fact, homosexual. He never wanted to entertain the idea, however, too afraid he was projecting his fantasies onto his friend. "It's perfectly natural to be gay."
"Yeah, but what if the others find out? They might hate me again," Changkyun half whispered, his voice coming out rough and uneven due to his shaking and increasing panic level. "What if the fans find out? It could ruin us. I never should have joined No.Mercy. I'm sorry." Changkyun let his head rest on his knees and shuddered out a sob. He preferred to pretend the members never hated him, as though he was always a part of No.Mercy, but he couldn't fool himself forever.
"Hey, hey, it's okay," Jooheon said, wrapping his arms around his best friend, holding him against his chest as his body was wracked with sobs. "We all love you. All of us. The other members, the fans, me. We all love you. The others never hated you, Changkyun, not even during the first day you came. I was the closest to ever hating you, but I love you now, Kyunnie, whether you are a gay or not."
After letting his words sink in, Changkyun's sobs began to calm into slightly uneven breathing. He eventually pulled away from Jooheon and let his legs down so he could properly face his friend. "Really?" he asked, not wanting to believe the look of pure acceptance on his friend's face.
"Really," Jooheon said, opening his arms to pull Changkyun into a proper hug.
"Thank you," Changkyun whispered against Jooheon's neck as he let himself relax into his best friend's arms.
It had been a few weeks since Changkyun came out to Jooheon, and the younger was convinced the older was teasing him. The other rapper would walk around the dorm without a shirt more often than with one. Sure, he had always walked around shirtless, but this was more than usual. No, Changkyun didn't know this because he always noticed when Jooheon was shirtless...
Jooheon also had began to make incredibly suggestive facial expression in the direction of Changkyun. Yes, a smirk was incredibly suggestive.
It doesn't help that the choreography for their new song gave Jooheon a dance break during his rap verse. A dance break that may or may not put a lot of focus on Jooheon's abs. The choreography was originally intended for Hoseok, but it seemed the fans thought he was being forced into overly sexual situations. After the release of Fighter, the choreographer and the group had decided to give Hoseok a break on the amount of skin-showing. It was hard to miss the look of disappointment on both Hoseok and Minhyuk's faces when the news came down.
Jooheon, however, seemed to be taking the choreography in stride. It was definitely not helping Changkyun's predicament of slowly falling for the other rapper. Especially when said rapper caught Changkyun staring in the mirror and locked eyes with him as he smirked and continued with the dance extra sensually.
The recording for their new song's dance practice was finally finished successfully. It took more takes than it should have, and the members felt the need to release the stress of recording a perfect dance. This was how they found themselves dancing as though they were in a club, despite still being in their practice room. The managers and production crew left a while ago, saying not to stay out too late and to head home as soon as they were done.
The music of a random western pop song was blasting through the room's speakers; the bass causing Changkyun's heart to beat along with rhythm. The members were bouncing and jumping together in the middle of the room. Someone was screaming along to the garbled lyrics; Minhyuk, Changkyun thought to himself with a smile.
Glancing around the room through the mirrors, Changkyun soon found the aforementioned man. His back was pressed against Hoseok's front while Kihyun was facing Minhyuk and had his arms on Hoseok's shoulders. Hyungwon was spinning in a circle while jumping, and Hyunwoo was nearby and the only one actually dancing and not just jumping. Just when Changkyun was about to look away from the mirror, someone caught his eyes. Someone who was moving closer to him.
When Changkyun whipped his head around to in front of him, a newly-dyed head of midnight blue hair appeared before him. Jooheon wasn't facing him, but he was very, very close. Quickly glancing around, Changkyun realized that in the matter of seconds, the group ceased their jumping and were now a large mass grinding against each other. Everyone was laughing and yelling and screaming along to the lyrics, except for Changkyun who had yet to move after Jooheon got so close.
"Come on, Changkyunnie," Jooheon whispered in his ear. After realizing the younger man wasn't moving, Jooheon turned around and now had his front pressed against Changkyun's side. He was slowly grinding against Changkyun's hip, and it was driving the younger insane. He could feel every time the older's dick moved against his body. Changkyun still wasn't sure if he would prefer to top or bottom, but he couldn't help but think what it would be like to have Jooheon's dick inside of him.
Logically, Changkyun should have realized how dangerous that line of thought was, but he didn't. Not until it was too late and he could feel himself getting hard in the middle of the practice room, with all of the members surrounding him. Quickly, he excused himself, saying he had to use the bathroom, and ran from the room before anyone could question his increasingly red face.
It had been two months since Changkyun had came out to his best friend. Only twice in that time span had he masturbated to the thought of a band mate; he was quite proud of that number, thank you very much. The first time was after the grinding incident in the practice room. The second occurrence was after Changkyun woke up from an extremely vivid dream of his roommate and best friend. In the dream he had made a joke about spanking Jooheon for his snark. It progressed rapidly until Jooheon was splayed over Changkyun's knee, ass in the air, bright red from the palm of Changkyun's hand. The youngest member of the group woke up with one of the worst boners in his life. He was forced to get rid of his problem, pressed into the corner of the shower, thoughts never leaving his band mate.
His record was shattered, however, after they all went out for ice cream.
They had had an early schedule of just one radio show recording and were being treated to ice cream by their manager. It was a hot Summer's day, so they sat outside at tables with their ice creams. Changkyun had chosen the end seat of a table, and Jooheon was seated across from him. While Changkyun had taken the intelligent route and went with bowl of ice cream, Jooheon had chosen to get an ice cream cone and was currently trying to not let any drip as it melted.
Changkyun soon forgot about his own ice cream as he watched the other rapper lick the vanilla ice cream from the edge of the cone. The latter only looked up once and made eye contact with the former before he continued to eat his ice cream. Jooheon failed, however, at keeping it from spilling over the cone and onto his hand. Without missing a beat, the older rapper took a finger into his mouth and slowly began to clean it. He made very lewd gestures even once his finger had to have been clean. When he deemed it clean and perfect, Jooheon pulled the digit from his mouth with a popping sound and took a long lick up the side of his ice cream.
As soon as they returned to their dorm, Changkyun claimed the shower by running in before the others and locking the door. He'd be lying if he said he tried to not think about Jooheon when he gripped himself in the shower. He could only think about how the other's skilled rapper tongue would feel along his length as he ran his hand down and gripped the head. He came that night with thoughts of Jooheon with vanilla ice cream on his lips and hands, licking it off lewdly.
A month passed after the Ice Cream Fiasco without any incident. Changkyun could proudly say he hadn't masturbated to the thought of Jooheon in two weeks, and honestly, he should quickly get over his crush. It was only going to cause harm to either him or the group as a whole. Said group were finally getting a night off and had a late schedule the next day. To celebrate, they decided to have a movie marathon in the dorm's living room.
Before the first movie was put in, the matter of who was sitting where had to be decided. Minhyuk, Hoseok, and Kihyun claimed the large couch, leaning on each other with warm arms wrapped around warm bodies. Hyunwoo decided to sit on the floor in front of the couch and Hyungwon chose to sit in the single seat to the right of the couch. Jooheon was in charge of popcorn that night, so Changkyun claimed the two person sofa for himself. When Jooheon came back from the kitchen, he distributed the bowls of popcorn to everyone and Changkyun assumed he would accept his fate and sit somewhere on the floor like he normally did. However, Jooheon didn't sit on the floor. He didn't follow his normal routine. Instead, he climbed on top of Changkyun who was laying on his stomach, facing the television.
"Ok, Hyung, get off, I'll sit up," the youngest whined after a few minutes of Jooheon laying on top of him.
Grinning like the cat who caught the mouse, Jooheon slid off of Changkyun and waited until the younger situated himself on the sofa. Once Changkyun nodded up at Jooheon, he sat down on the plush couch and draped his arm around the youngest member. The movie began with Changkyun attempting to control his racing heart and stuttering breath at the close contact from his best friend.
As the next movie was put into the DVD player, Jooheon got up to retrieve more popcorn and drinks for everyone. When he sat back down, Changkyun was disappointed when Jooheon didn't sit back down with his arm over the younger. As the movie progressed, Jooheon's hand seemed to progress onto Changkyun's body. At first it started with a simple pat on his knee after the older boy handed the youngest a bottle of water. His hand, however, never left Changkyun's knee. When Hyungwon, who was across from the sofa, slid down to the floor to rest his head on Hyunwoo's thigh, Jooheon's hand slid further up Changkyun's leg to land on his thigh.
When Jooheon got up to use the bathroom, he came back and sat the same way he did before left. His hand did not remain still, though. Instead it began to gently knead the flesh of the youngest's thigh.
Throughout the movie, Jooheon's hand did not ease up on the massage on the youngest's flesh. After the third movie was put in and Hyungwon was fast asleep with Minhyuk chasing after him, Jooheon's hand began to travel even further up Changkyun's leg, pausing every few minutes.
When Jooheon's hand almost came in contact with the crook of Changkyun's hip, the youngest quickly stood up. The members who were still awake sat and stared at the youngest of the group. He mumbled out an excuse about not feeling well and ran out of the room into the safety of his bed and blankets.
A week after the Movie Chicken Incident, or so Changkyun dubbed it, Kihyun, Minhyuk, and Hoseok went out for groceries. Hyungwon and Hyunwoo were still at the company working on a dance for a side project. Changkyun, not wanting to be left alone in the room with Jooheon for too long, decided to take a hot shower in hopes of burning his indecent thoughts away.
However, Changkyun was too caught up in his thoughts after he stripped out of his clothes. He didn't notice that he carelessly kicked his pants to the side right in front of where he was walking to step into the shower. As he opened the door to the shower room, Changkyun's foot got stuck in the hem of his jeans.
"Fuck," he muttered to himself as he hit the tile floor of the bathroom.
"Chankyun!" Came a cry of frantic concern from the now-open door to the bathroom. "Are you okay?!" Jooheon asked, the concern palpable in his voice and on his face.
"I'm fine, I just tripped," the man on the floor replied, face tinged red with the embarrassment at his clumsiness.
"Okay, good," Jooheon said, still holding the door handle and fidgeting slightly. "The hyungs and I were worried about you and thought you were getting sick, so I was told to listen to make sure you're okay. I heard the thudding sound, and I thought you passed out."
"Yeah, no, I'm good," Changkyun said awkwardly from the floor of the bathroom, attempting to casually cover his genitalia with the offending pair of pants he tripped on. The last thing he needed was to sprout a boner while his crush was staring at him on the floor. "If you don't mind..." he started to say, staring pointedly at the door.
"Oh, right, yeah," Jooheon stuttered out, looking embarrassed in his own right. "If you need anything, don't be afraid to call for me."
Changkyun nodded his head, then added as an afterthought, "Thanks, man."
Jooheon murmured a brief ‘no problem’ before he closed the bathroom door and gave Changkyun privacy.
Apparently, after Changkyun's first vivid dream about his bandmate, his dreams were destined to continue increasing in realism. However, his nighttime thoughts did not stay only in the realm of happy and sexy; they eventually dipped into nightmares only his imagination could create. One night, Changkyun woke up in a sweat. He had a startlingly realistic dream that his mom was in a plane crash on her way back to the States. All of sudden, he was hit with a wave of pure, unadulterated homesickness.
"Changkyun?" He heard whispered quietly over the sound of his ragged breathing. "Are you crying?" Jooheon asked softly from across the room.
The youngest hadn't even realized he was crying until he reached up and felt the wetness under his eyes. "I'm sorry for waking you, Hyung," he said quietly, unsure what else he could say without embarrassing himself.
Suddenly, he felt the bed dip near his knee. Then, there was a warm presence against his side. "Move over, Changkyunnie," Jooheon whispered near the younger's ear.
Changkyun obliged and moved until his back was pressed against the wall. Jooheon moved a little bit more until he could comfortably lay to face the youngest group member.
"Changkyunnie," Jooheon whispered softly as he pulled said man against his chest. "What's wrong?"
"I miss my mom," Changkyun whispered pitifully. Everyone was missing their families; it happens when you become an idol.
"Oh Changkyunnie," Jooheon whispered as he rubbed his best friend's back soothingly. "I know, Changkyun. I know."
That night, Changkyun cried softly into the tee shirt-clad chest of his best friend, his bandmate, his crush. Jooheon held onto his friend until the sobs quieted into soft whimpers. He continued to hold onto him until they were both sound asleep. Their legs were entwined together, but neither seemed to care as they slept the best they had slept in months.
Jooheon had always prided himself on his compartmentalization skills. He knew for a while he had a crush on his best friend, but he ignored it under the assumption that Changkyun was straight, and because he needed to keep his love interests separate from his professional life. Once Changkyun came out to him, Jooheon knew that he had a fraction of a chance to confess his feelings, but it didn't feel right. The rapper couldn't help but think he was projecting his emotions onto his best friend when he would see the other staring at him.
There was simply no way Changkyun would like Jooheon. No chance.
And that is exactly what Jooheon found himself crying to Hoseok about. Hoseok was already out to the group as a pansexual individual, so Jooheon knew he would understand and not judge his sexual preference.
"Hey, hey," Hoseok whispered, pulling the whimpering rapper up to sit. They were sitting in an empty practice room when Jooheon confessed his love for the other rapper. Hoseok, shocked, didn't know what to say and watched as Jooheon crumpled to the floor, sobbing. "Why don't you take deep breaths and calm down a little. It'll be okay. We can talk about this properly once you can talk, okay?"
After a few moments of slow, deep breathing, Jooheon was able to collect himself and form a proper sentence.
"He came out to me, Hyung. I know I shouldn't be telling you this, but he did. When he did," A hiccup interrupted Jooheon's line of thought for a moment. "When he did, I thought I had a chance finally. But he hardly looks at me anymore. He avoids being in the same room with me. I know I have been teasing him a little bit lately, but I didn't think he would react this way."
"Oh, Jooheonnie," Hoseok began as he pulled the younger against his chest, cradling his head. "Have you ever thought maybe Changkyun likes you back? He didn't act like this before you started teasing him, maybe he is just awkward around you because he doesn't know how to feel."
"Yeah right, Hyung," Jooheon said, chuckling in a self-deprecating manner as he wound his arms around his friend.
"You know what I think might help both of you?" Hoseok whispered, unsure about how to word his next point.
"After a few minutes of silence, Jooheon spoke up, "What is it, Hyung?"
"Maybe you should tell the others that you are gay or bi or whatever."
"I'm gay, Hyung," Jooheon said quietly, mulling the idea around in his head.
"I think you would be surprised to find everyone is supportive and no one is heterosexual. It might help Changkyun to realize that as well," Hoseok said quietly, fidgeting with the hem of the younger's shirt.
"Maybe I should," Jooheon said slowly, thinking seriously about the idea. "It's not like I'm afraid to, I just never thought about it."
Hoseok smiled softly when Jooheon pulled away from the embrace. The younger man seemed to have made up his mind. Hoseok was happy he could finally offer help to the raging storm he watched form for months.
It was another night where the group had free time. Kihyun was in the kitchen making their dinner. Minhyuk and Hoseok were sitting on the floor of the kitchen, attempting and failing to stay out of Kihyun's way while still offering company. Hyungwon was napping on the couch while Hyunwoo was playing a video game on the TV. Changkyun was lounging on the sofa scrolling through his iPod. Jooheon was... well.. Jooheon was pacing the floor of his bedroom. Tonight was the night he was going to tell the group. He had been thinking about it for a while, but Hoseok solidified his desire to tell the group.
Taking a deep breath, Jooheon stepped out of the bedroom. His destination was the living room, but he took a detour to the kitchen. Only Hoseok noticed his presence and glanced up from staring at Kihyun while he worked. Noticing Jooheon's uneasiness, Hoseok nodded softly before gesturing his head in the direction of the living room. Taking the hint, Jooheon made his way to stand near the door of the living room.
After a few moments of Jooheon awkwardly standing near the door, Kihyun, Minhyuk and Hoseok filed into the living room. They each took a seat on the floor beside where Hyunwoo was sitting while playing his game. Kihyun reached over and hit the pause button on Hyunwoo's game controller while Minhyuk reached behind them and jostled Hyungwon awake. Once everyone seemed to have undivided attention, Hoseok looked up at Jooheon and nodded at him.
"I'm sorry for gathering everyone here without an explanation. I wanted to be able to tell you guys something at the same time," Jooheon began to say, nervousness palpable in the air.
"Go ahead, Jooheon," Hoseok said after Jooheon made no move to follow up.
"I'm," he started to say before coughing and interrupting himself. "I like boys," he finally said. Then before anyone could register what he said he started to speak again. "No, not even that. I am gay. Very very homosexual."
There was silence in the room before Minhyuk broke it with a soft laugh. The soft laughter soon turned into a full chuckle. Jooheon remained silent feeling moderately offended.
"Minhyuk," Kihyun hissed, elbowing the other boy in the side.
"I'm sorry, Jooheonnie. I'm not laughing at you," Minhyuk said after he calmed down from laughing. "I'm laughing at how nervous you are. Honestly, I don't think anyone here is Super Heterosexual. I mean, Kihyunnie, Hoseok hyung, and I are all pretty much together if you haven't noticed. And it's not like Hyungwonnie and Hyunwoo hyung are hiding their thing, whatever it is. None of us have a right to judge you."
Jooheon, taken aback from Minhyuk's honesty, began to tear up. Hoseok immediately jumped up and grabbed the young rapper in an embrace.
"Hey, hey," the older man said, as he rubbed the other's sides. "Why are you crying?"
"Because, I didn't expect everything to be so easy," Jooheon managed to say in between sniffles.
"Well, you should have. Because we will always love and support you," Hoseok said, pulling away and glancing around at the other members, all of them nodding their heads at his words.
A month had passed since Jooheon came out to the group. The way the group treated Jooheon didn't change at all; instead, the way he treated Changkyun changed drastically. The younger boy couldn't help but feel as though he did something wrong. Jooheon made it a point to not talk to Changkyun unless someone else was around or it was absolutely necessary. Jooheon was so obvious that the other members decided it was time to intervene. Hoseok, having already talked to Jooheon about Changkyun once, volunteered to talk to the young rapper. Kihyun, being the closest of the hyungs aside from Jooheon to Changkyun, volunteered to talk to the youngest.
“Changkyunnie~,” Kihyun called sweetly as he pushed open the workroom door.
“Ah, yes, Hyung,” Changkyun said, quickly taking off his headphones and turning around in his computer chair. Definitely a good investment, he thought to himself. “Is it time to go already?” he asked once he was facing his friend.
“No, Changkyun-ah, not yet,” the older boy said, closing the door softly behind him. “I actually want to talk to you.”
“Okay,” Changkyun drawled out, suddenly nervous in the presence of Kihyun.
“What is going on between you and Jooheon?” the older singer asked, deciding it would be better to be straightforward. “And don't say ‘nothing,’” he added quickly after seeing the look of hesitation on Changkyun’s face.
“I told him I'm gay about...” Changkyun cut himself off to count the months in his head. “...eight months ago? After I told him, it seemed like he was teasing me. He would touch me a lot and make borderline inappropriate comments. After he came out a month ago, everything changed. He avoids me like I have the plague. I don't know what I did, but I just want my best friend back,” his voice broke at the end of his sentence, but the rapper refused to cry.
“I'm sorry he is avoiding you, Changkyun. I wish I knew why. Rest assured, though, for I will find out,” Kihyun patted Changkyun on the shoulder before quickly exiting the small room.
Changkyun was left feeling as though he imagined the whole exchange and turned back to his computer.
“Jooheon,” Hoseok said, dragging the rapper from his thoughts in the practice room.
“Yes Hyung?” the younger asked tentatively, seeing the hidden fire in the older’s eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Hoseok was standing like an immovable force, arms folded across his chest.
“Uhh, practicing my part?” the young rapper replied, glancing around the empty room in search of an escape.
“Jooheon,” Hoseok sighed out, exasperated. “I mean with Changkyun. Why are you avoiding someone you like?”
“Oh, that,” Jooheon trailed off, sliding to the floor against the nearest wall.
“Yeah, that,” Hoseok replied, sitting cross-legged in front of his young friend. “Come one, Jooheonnie. Talk to me.”
“I just… I don't know, Hyung. I feel like I betrayed his trust. He told me he is gay, and I wait half a year to return the favor, and I didn't tell just him. I told everyone. I don't want him to think I was trying to upstage him.”
“Jooheon, all of that is in your head. You're his best friend. He trusted you enough to tell just you. If anything, you are betraying his trust by ignoring and avoiding him. Go back to being his friend, it's what you both need,” Hoseok moved to be sitting beside Jooheon and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“You're right as always, Hyung. I promise I'll stop avoiding him,” Jooheon said, leaning into the older’s embrace.
“Good, then maybe you'll finally fuck and all of the sexual tension will go the fuck away.”
“Hyung!” Jooheon cried indignantly while pushing the older boy away from him jokingly.
Hoseok just laughed, happy progress could finally be made.
“I don't know what you and the hyungs did, but thank you,” Changkyun murmured to Kihyun when they were alone in the kitchen. It was just a few days ago when Kihyun had cornered Changkyun in his workroom. The next day, Jooheon was back to acting like his old self. There was no way it was a simple coincidence.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Kihyun said with a sly smile that contradicted his words.
"Okay, Hyung," Changkyun said as he continued to stir the simmering broth for Kihyun.
"Okay, that's good, Changkyun-ah. You can stop now," the older boy said when Hoseok and Minhyuk entered the kitchen; Hoseok going straight to back hugging the smaller man.
Changkyun, taking a hint when it was presented to him, left to sit in the living room. Before he could make it to the couch, Jooheon stopped him.
"Can you pick that up for me, Changkyun-ah?" he asked, pointing to the game controller that was behind Changkyun's feet.
"Sure, Hyung," Changkyun said as he turned around and bent over to pick up the controller.
"Okay, stay like that," Jooheon said, a smirk audible in his voice.
It took a few seconds for Changkyun to realize what was going on, and when he did, he stood right up and turned around to glare at the older rapper. "Fuck you, Hyung," he said as he tossed the controller in the other's lap.
"Really? Because I'm down," Jooheon said, voice devoid of all humor as he stared intently at the younger boy.
The two rappers remained in a staring contest not exchanging a word, until Minhyuk ran into the room to announce that dinner was ready.
"We're leaving, Changkyun-ah!" Hoseok called from the front door, causing Changkyun to look around the corner of the kitchen.
"Where are you going, Hyung? Is everyone going?" he asked, curiosity piqued at the sudden announcement from his friend.
"We're all going to go eat. Jooheon is in the bedroom and not coming. We'll be back in 2 hours," the older boy said, winking at the young rapper and closing the door before he could react.
What the fuck? Changkyun thought to himself as he continued to dry and put away the dishes from the previous night's dinner. When he was finished, Changkyun decided to go see what Jooheon was doing.
"Hey, Jooheon hyung," he said as he opened the door of their bedroom.
"Hey, Changkyunnie. Did the others leave already?" Jooheon asked as he looked up from the iPad.
"Yeah, they did," Changkyun said before he decided to jump into the free space on the edge of Jooheon's bed.
"Changkyunnie," Jooheon whined with a laugh as he threw a leg over Changkyun's waist to make himself more room. In a fight for room on the bed, the two of them rolled around and fought until Jooheon was straddling Changkyun and awkwardly half-sitting up due to the low bed above them.
"Did you mean it?" Changkyun said randomly.
"Mean what?" Jooheon asked, laying down entirely on Changkyun due to the strain on his back.
"What you said last night."
"Oh, that," Changkyun didn't need to elaborate, Jooheon knew exactly what he was referring to. "Yeah, I did," he finally said quietly.
"Hyung," Changkyun whispered, pushing Jooheon up slightly to make eye contact with him. "Kiss me."
Without another word from either boy, Jooheon leaned down and sealed his lips against his friend's. The kiss was soft and languid; neither wanted to rush such an important step in their relationship.
"God, I have wanted to do that for forever," Jooheon said quietly when he pulled away and nuzzled into Changkyun's neck.
"Then why don't you do it again?" the younger asked as he was already pulling Jooheon up to him.
Their second kiss moved quicker, both feeling relieved to be expressing their feelings. Tentatively, Changkyun turned his head slightly to better align their lips, increasing the depth of the kiss. He had kissed a girl a few times before, but he was still new to everything and would never claim himself as an expert.
While Jooheon lead the kiss, Changkyun's hands wandered underneath the hem of the older boy's shirt. His fingers dragged along the notches of the older boy's spine, his hands following a path down the man's sides. When they reached the hem of Jooheon's sweatpants, he boldly slipped his hands inside. When Changkyun groped the other man's ass, Jooheon gasped slightly, shocked at the younger man's boldness. Changkyun, always one to seize an opportunity, slipped his tongue inside the other's mouth to trace the outline of it.
"Changkyunnie," Jooheon whined when he pulled away to hide his face in the crook of his neck. He ground his hips slightly into the other's, letting out another whine at the subtle friction.
"Jooheon," Changkyun groaned, foregoing the honorifics in his passion. "Jooheon, how do you want to do this?"
Without saying a word, Jooheon reached above Changkyun's shoulder and underneath the mattress. When he came up from digging around under the frame, he had a small bottle that was a little under half-full. He then proceeded to roll off of Changkyun to lay on his back.
"I guess that settles it," the young rapper said as he rolled onto his side. "Are you sure?" he asked, hesitating slightly. When the other nodded his head, Changkyun couldn't hold his curiosity back when he asked: "Have you done this before?"
"No, I haven't," Jooheon said after a few moments of hesitation. "I have only played with myself. I have never done anything with anyone at all. Not even a kiss."
"Wow. Well," Changkyun said softly, smiling at his best friend. "I have kissed a girl before, but I haven't done anything else so, this should be an experience."
"Why do you act like an expert then?!" Jooheon asked indignantly.
"Because I'm nowhere close to being one. Fake it until you make it, you know?" the rapper chuckled from embarrassment.
"Well, I think the first step might be getting rid of our clothes," the older rapper said as he tugged sharply on the younger's shirt.
Laughing softly at the other's antics, Changkyun climbed out of the bed and began to take his clothes off. Jooheon, for the most part, avoided looking at his friend while he pulled his own clothes off.
"Okay, so you have lube, do you have any condoms?" the young rapper asked as he laid back down on the bed, facing his best friend.
Jooheon, despite his previous cheekiness, looked embarrassed as he said, "No, I don't. I haven't needed them, and I didn't want to be the one to buy them." He covered his face with his hands, too embarrassed to look at his partner.
"Well, shit. Umm. I mean, I don't have anything, it's not possible for me to. And you shouldn't either. We can just do this without one?" Changkyun said, caught between genuine concern and being too turned on to pass up the chance to have sex with his best friend.
“I'm okay with that,” Jooheon said with a soft smile before he moved to be centered in the bed. He spread his legs to make room for Changkyun and reached down to lightly grasp his cock, and said, “Are you going to join me or am I going solo?”
With an endeared smile, Changkyun shook his head and climbed on top of Jooheon. He leaned down to kiss the boy before his hand slithered down to replace the older boy’s hand with his own. It was a strange sensation to touch a penis that wasn't his. The length and girth was different, so it fit in his hand differently; Jooheon was slightly longer, but not as thick. The veins had a different pattern and the color was different… not that Changkyun was staring after pulling away from the kiss.
When Changkyun tightened his grip slightly, the sound Jooheon made was as though he pulled the breath from his lungs. The older rapper wrapped his arms around Changkyun’s shoulders and pulled him in for another kiss. The younger boy continued to stroke Jooheon’s cock as he moved his head to kiss and suck lightly on his neck. Carefully, Changkyun began to move down Jooheon’s body. His legs, from knee down, were hanging off the edge of the bed, but his mind prioritized leaving cranberry-colored marks on honey skin. The makeup noonas wouldn't be happy, so he at least tried to keep them in easily-covered places.
Finally, Changkyun pulled away from Jooheon’s chest, leaving it covered in constellations of merlot and rosewood. Happy with his work, he smiled at his partner before sliding further down the bed. His legs were touching the floor, but truth be told, he didn't even notice. Changkyun had never given a blowjob before, but just the sight of Jooheon’s flushed cock, with its deep magenta head, made his mouth water. He decided he had to taste it. Tentatively, he lowered his head to lick the bead of precum off the slit; it tasted salty, but not in a bad way. With more confidence, Changkyun took the head into his mouth, sucking lightly. Jooheon’s hands found their way to Changkyun’s head; fingers entangling in tawny locks.
Changkyun lowered his head at a torturous pace until he started to gag on the tip of the older man's dick. He quickly pulled off, mindful of his teeth, and coughed a few times. As he regained his composure, he kept a hand on Jooheon, stroking him leisurely. Once his breathing was regulated, Changkyun took a deep breath before he lowered himself back down onto his best friend's penis. He took slow, calming breaths through his nose as he tried to get used to the feeling of flesh in his mouth.
The taste was strange, but far from terrible; it was similar to what Jooheon smelled like after dance practice. Cautiously, Changkyun swirled his tongue around the head, catching slightly on the edge. At the motion, Jooheon moaned loudly, fingers pulling harder on the strands of hair caught between them. At the tugging feeling, Changkyun let out a moan of his own, sending vibrations straight up Jooheon's body.
"Changkyun," the rapper gasped out before he grabbed the stranded bottle of lube and tossed it to the younger. "Please," he said as his hands found their place back in Changkyun's hair, but not as tight as previously.
The younger man pulled up and away from his best friend, leaving him whimpering from the loss of all stimulation. Changkyun patted the side of the older's hip comfortingly before he popped open the bottle of viscous fluid. He squeezed a generous amount onto his index and middle finger. He rubbed it around with his thumb, warming it up, as he bent down and took the head of Jooheon's penis back into his mouth. Once he was happy with the warmth of the liquid, he swallowed further down the rapper's penis and circled Jooheon's entrance with his index finger. As he pushed against the ring of muscle, Changkyun made a tight suction with his mouth, attempting to distract his partner from any discomfort. He pulled off, however, when he realized how easily his finger slid into the other.
Jooheon let out an embarrassed laugh when Changkyun looked up at him questioningly. "I played with myself this morning in the shower. I think I'm still loose from that," he said with a rouge tint to his cheeks.
Changkyun chuckled darkly to himself before he pushed in his finger to the knuckle, causing Jooheon to throw his head back against the bed. The older boy let out a long, drawn out moan; the feeling of someone else controlling his pleasure entirely foreign and exciting to him. After seeing and hearing Jooheon's approval of the situation, Changkyun slowly pulled his finger out to circle the ring with his nail. He slowly pushed it back in, enthralled at the feeling of Jooheon's body clenching around him.
"Changkyun!" Jooheon cried out, slightly aggravated at the slow crawl of a pace Changkyun had set.
"Alright, alright, Hyung," Changkyun said, placing heavy emphasis on the honorific. Jooheon started to let out an annoyed growl, but was cut off by Changkyun stepping up the pace and thrusting his finger quickly.
Jooheon arched his back as he let out another long moan. Having Changkyun's finger inside of him was incredibly different from having his own. When he was doing it himself, he could anticipate what would happen next so it wasn't quite as pleasurable. With Changkyun he had no way to know how fast the younger would go or where he would press harder. It was a whole other level of pleasure and he would be lying if he said he wasn't excited for what else was to come.
After a few minutes of Changkyun alternating between fast, rough thrusts and slow, languid thrusts, he bent his head down to take Jooheon's cock back into his mouth. With a particularly hard suck to the tip, Changkyun slid a second finger into Jooheon's hole. If it wasn't for the subtle burn of the stretch, the older rapper would not have even noticed the addition; he was too distracted to focus on the younger's every move.
Changkyun began to slowly drive his two fingers into Jooheon as he pulled entirely off his dick. He licked a long swipe from the base to the tip and collected the precum beading there with his tongue. As he did so, he began to gently spread his fingers, scissoring the muscle open. He kept the motion up as he kissed and sucked gently on the side of Jooheon's penis. He honestly had no idea what he was doing, but he kept thinking about his fantasies of Jooheon sucking him off and did what he thought would feel nice.
"Kyunnie," the older rapper eventually whimpered out when Changkyun swallowed him down as far as he could. "I'm going to cum if you keep that up," Jooheon said as he pulled the other's hair in an attempt to pull him off his dick. "Add another please," he managed to say once Changkyun pulled away and was staring at him while he thrust his fingers harder.
"Sure, Hyung, but only if you ask nicely," the young rapper said with a smirk, as he ceased all movement, fingers knuckle deep in the older's ass.
"Changkyun," Jooheon whined, not sure what he was supposed to do. "Please, for the love of everything good in the world, please add another finger."
As the boy was talking, Changkyun moved up his body so he could be face to face with him once more. "Anything for you, Hyung," he said as he dove down to kiss the older when he pushed his ring finger in to join his other two.
Jooheon made a soft whimper of discomfort, but it was mostly muffled from Changkyun's mouth molded on his own. It was bizarre tasting himself on the other's tongue, but it wasn't bad. He could still taste the younger underneath the new taste, so it was acceptable. After a few moments of mostly holding still, save for a little wiggling of the tips of his fingers, Changkyun began to slowly move his three fingers in and out of the tight ring. The sensation of Jooheon squeezing around him was stronger and Changkyun couldn't wait to feel it around his own cock. He had yet to touch himself since they began, but his penis was pressed firmly against his abdomen in his own arousal from just touching his best friend.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Changkyun recognized he should probably be ashamed of how aroused he was just from sucking Jooheon's dick, but he was too far gone to care.
"Changkyun," Jooheon whimpered against the other's lips. "Changkyun, please." After a while of casual kissing and languid thrusts, Jooheon was impatient and wanted to speed things along.
"What is it, Jooheon? What do you want?" the younger rapper asked as he kissed and lightly sucked his way along the other's throat and collarbone. He paid distinct attention to the middle of Jooheon's sternum, leaving deep cherry marks in his wake.
"Kyunnie, please," the older rapper gasped out when Changkyun bit lightly on his nipple. "Please, fuck me."
"Well, if you insist, Hyung," Changkyun said with a smirk as he pulled his fingers out of Jooheon's entrance. The pink muscle clenched around air as Jooheon whimpered at the loss. Changkyun shushed the other soothingly as he poured more lube on his three fingers. He once again warmed his up with his thumb before thrusting his fingers back into the older boy to coat the inside of his walls. Satisfied with his work, Changkyun pulled out and poured even more lube onto his hand. Finally, he gripped himself, sliding the lube around from the base to the tip.
Not long after, he lined himself up with Jooheon's entrance and began to slowly push in. In an attempt to relax the older boy, he pressed their lips together as he stroked Jooheon's cock. Once he was fully seated, Changkyun held still, giving Jooheon's body time to adjust to the large intrusion. The feeling of Jooheon's walls clenching around him almost sent him over the edge immediately, but he distracted himself by stroking Jooheon's cock. He didn't stop his motion's until, finally, Jooheon let out a loud moan. "Move. Please move," he gasped out, raising his hips off the bed in an attempt to spur the other into motion.
Changkyun let out a deep growl as he pulled out as far as he could, the head of his penis catching on Jooheon's rim, and slammed back inside. The older rapper, surprised at the motion, let out a loud gasp. His hands were holding the bars of the bunk above him, but he soon let go in favor of gripping onto Changkyun's back. His fingernails were sure to leave crescent marks in the other's skin, but Jooheon found he liked the idea of leaving marks on his friend. It helped him to understand why Changkyun seemed so set on leaving marks on his chest; he felt like he was claiming a piece of the other. It seemed like a fair trade considering Changkyun had claimed his heart, even if he didn't know it.
Jooheon was ripped out of his thoughts when an intense shock of pleasure washed over him. "There!" he cried, dragging his nails down Changkyun's back.
Changkyun smirked as he attempted to angle himself toward Jooheon's prostate again. He wasn't successful immediately, but eventually he found the right spot and Jooheon made it obvious with his loud moan. The younger rapper would like to lie to himself and the other and say he wasn't close to climaxing, but he knew that wouldn't work out well. Accepting his fate of his short virgin stamina, Changkyun gripped Jooheon's cock tightly and attempted to match his pace while supporting himself with one hand. Soon, his thrusting pace was faltering but he kept a steady pace on stroking Jooheon.
"Kyun, I'm so close," Jooheon whined, his head thrown back, baring his neck.
"Me too," Changkyun responded after dropping down to put his weight on his forearm. He gently sucked on Jooheon's ear lobe before he whispered, "Come on, baby. Cum for me."
Jooheon let out a long groan as he arched his back as high as he could and came over Changkyun's hand and their chests. The tensing of his inner muscles and Changkyun's irregular thrusts sent the younger over the edge not long after. He had originally intended to pull out so he wouldn't make a mess inside of Jooheon, but that was irrelevant when the older man held him in place by his waist.
Exhausted, Changkyun lowered himself to lay on his best friend's chest. Sweat, cum, and lube was sticking to their bodies, but they were both too blissed out to notice nor care. Jooheon was tracing soft circles on Changkyun's lower back, while the younger boy was licking the sweat off of the older's neck.
"Changkyun," Jooheon said after a while of relaxing in bliss. "I want to say this won't change anything, but I can't. Because I hope it changes everything."
"It will, Hyung. Don't worry, it will," Changkyun said before he pressed his lips against his Jooheon's.
Finally, after a few moments of kissing lethargically, Changkyun pulled out of Jooheon and rolled onto his side. He wrapped his arm around the older's chest and just stared at the planes of his face. They were still messy and the room smelled like sex and sweat, but for now they would lay in the comfort of being with their best friend.
"I'm sorry I avoided you, Kyunnie," Jooheon said after a while. He had zoned out as he traced the veins on the young rapper's arm, thinking about how he would approach the topic. "I felt like I betrayed your trust because I didn't tell you I am gay when you told me. I felt like I let you down and was a terrible friend. I only wanted to be there for you and show you that you could trust me, but I felt like I destroyed that by not telling you when you did."
"Hyung," Changkyun said, trying to get the older to look at him. When that didn't work, he grabbed Jooheon's chin and turned his head to make eye contact. "Jooheon," he said sternly. "When I found out you are gay, I almost cried from excitement. Not only that, I found out no one in the group is heterosexual and going to judge me for being gay. I was so overwhelmed with joy, I cried that night while I was taking a shower. But then," Changkyun trailed off, unsure how to word what he was going to say. "Then you vanished from my life. I know I was lowkey avoiding you beforehand, but I had to. I could barely be in the same room as you without popping a boner. It was getting a touch out of control. I thought I did something wrong to you and that was why you were avoiding me. Kihyun hyung even asked me about it, but I didn't know what to tell him. Then yesterday you were back to acting like normal."
"Hoseok hyung yelled at me," Jooheon said softly, not quite making eye contact with the younger man.
"He yelled at you?" Changkyun asked as Jooheon turned to lay on his side as well, winding his arm around the younger boy.
"Yeah, he yelled at me. He knew I liked you, so when he realized I was avoiding you, he yelled at me, saying I was being ridiculous and my fears were in my head. It was his idea to come out to the group," Jooheon brought his hand up to cup Changkyun's cheek, his thumb running over the boy's lower lip.
"I think we should buy Hoseok hyung that ramyeon he really likes. He has helped us enough. I'm sure it was his idea to get everyone out of the dorm," the younger rapper said before he took Jooheon's thumb into his mouth to suck on it.
"Yeah probably," Jooheon said with a laugh as he pulled his hand away to rest on the back of Changkyun's neck. "Especially since he said something to me akin to 'maybe you'll fuck and get rid of the sexual tension.’ So I would believe he had a hand in this."
"I'm going to bake him a cake," Changkyun said with a smile as his hand traveled down Jooheon's back to rest on the swell of his ass.
"Please don't, you'll burn the dorm down," Jooheon managed to say in between laughs. He moved to wrap his leg around the younger's waist, but was sharply reminded of the cum and lube on and in his ass. "We should go shower," he said with a disgusted face.
"Can we shower together?" Changkyun asked, smirking as he groped Jooheon's butt cheek.
"I wouldn't have it any other way," Jooheon said with a chuckle.
Half an hour later, the rappers were scrubbed clean but still very marked up. They might have even had a few more marks that were added during the course of the shower, but that was their prerogative. Once they were dry, they both dressed in loose sweatpants; Jooheon had on a baggy tee shirt, while Changkyun chose to go shirtless. If Changkyun had estimated his time right, they had roughly 20 minutes before the members were due to return. When they took a shower, they left the bedroom door open to air it out, but the room still had the distinct smell of sweat permeating in the air.
Jooheon stripped his bed of his sheets while Changkyun found an air freshener to spray in the bedroom. Hoseok may have arranged the whole situation, but that didn't mean the pair had to make it obvious what happened while the other members were out. Changkyun finally returned to the room after finding a can of citrus-scented air freshener in the living room. He sprayed a fair amount in their bedroom and continued to spray in throughout the dorm. His hope was that the hyungs would assume he decided to spray it for the sake of the dorm smelling nice.
After Changkyun returned the aerosol can to the living room, Jooheon returned to the bedroom from the laundry room, sheets and blanket in the washer. The older rapper was lounging on Changkyun's bed, which was fair considering they soiled his, and watching the younger rapper as he pulled a tee shirt over his head.
"The hyungs should be home soon," he said as he moved closer to the wall to make room for Changkyun.
"Yeah," the younger man said as he slid under the blanket on his bed to cuddle closer to his best friend. "Hyung," he started to say, suddenly feeling shy under Jooheon's intense gaze.
The older rapper hummed in a sign to continue speaking, but is took a few moments for him to gain to courage. "Does this mean... Are we... you know? Are we dating now? Like... Can I call you my boyfriend?" he finally asked, looking over Jooheon's shoulder and refusing to make eye contact.
"I think," Jooheon began to say as he cupped Changkyun's cheek and turned his gaze to meet his own. "I think I would like that a lot."
Changkyun's responding smile was blinding and the kiss that followed was soft and sweet. It was a shame it was interrupted by the door of the dorm slamming open.
"Jooheon! Changkyun! You better have clothes on, or I'll kick your asses!" Kihyun yelled from the entrance of the dorm.
"Shush, Kihyunnie," the younger boys could hear Hoseok say. "If they do, they do. If they don't, that's fine too."
"Well, why don't you go check then? Because I won't be the one to see that," Kihyun said sardonically in response to Hoseok's teasing tone.
"Okay, I will," the older vocalist said. Then there was silence as the two rappers remained cuddled together.
"It's okay, Kihyunnie! They have clothes on, but they are being disgusting and cuddling!" Hoseok yelled from the door of their bedroom.
"You're one to talk, you cuddle more than anyone else," Kihyun yelled back at the same time as Minhyuk yelled, "Oh, I want to see! Let me take a picture!"
Hoseok was quick to slam the door shut and yell no, protecting the dignity of the two youngest members at least for a little while longer.
"Okay," Hoseok said as he barged into the little workroom where Jooheon was. It was the day after the two rappers had slept together, and Jooheon was naive enough to hope Hoseok wouldn't bring it up. He was proven wrong, however, by his hyung's next words. "So did you fuck or nah?"
The rapper tried his best, he really did. He didn't want to outright admit it, but he couldn't lie to his hyung either. Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you look at it, his face turned the shade of wine, so he didn't have to answer.
"Oh my God you did!" Hoseok cried as he pulled a chair out to sit and face the blushing rapper. "Okay, come on. You have to tell me the details. Who bottomed? Did anyone give a blowjob?"
"Hyung," Jooheon whined, not necessarily wanting to answer the questions, but also knowing he would have to eventually if he knew anything about Hoseok. With a long, suffering sigh, Jooheon resigned to his fate. "I bottomed," he said with his hands covering his face.
"Oh my god, no way!" Hoseok screeched with excitement. "I mean, I never knew who would bottom, but I lowkey thought you would. Are you sore? I know my first time left me sore for like three days."
"I'm only a little sore," Jooheon said quietly, finally removing his hands from his face. "He was really thorough in prepping me so it wasn't that bad. Plus I had... played with myself that morning, so I was still loose." The rapper may not have been hiding his face anymore, but he refused to make eye contact with the singer sitting across from him.
"Wow, I'm impressed," the older man said with a smile. "So did anyone get a blowjob?"
"I did," Jooheon said softly, still not look at his hyung.
"You bottomed and got a blowjob?! Lucky boy! I didn't get that until I got two partners!" Hoseok complemented, excitedly.
"Lalalala!" Jooheon screeched, holding his ears. "Just because you are so interested in my love life doesn't mean I want to know yours!"
"Okay, okay, sorry," Hoseok said while laughing and prying Jooheon's hands away from his head.
"Okay but seriously," the older man said calmly, "Are you guys together now?"
Jooheon couldn't help but think of the night before when Changkyun asked the same question. They pair ended up sleeping with limbs entwined on the youngest's small bed, but it was the best sleep either had received since the last time they shared a bed. They woke up that morning to soft light and softer kisses. The future was unsure and a little unsteady, but they were happy right then. They would live in the moment and enjoy it while it lasted. That is what mattered the most.
"Yeah," Jooheon finally said with a soft smile. "Yeah, I guess we are."