#literally procrastinating instead of editing

[golden-clouds]

just announcing that the new fic based on the Armin scenario I've written will be called baker blue :))

I hope you all enjoy it when I finally get round to editing chapter 1 :')

-Sunny xoxo

[lifemod17]

:::)

[bagelqaq]

i thought this fits them pretty well hehe

[randomsloredrops]

Random's Lore Drops - Socially Anxious Lemon, Alpine Heights- (/j)

Well, if you've been catching onto the wacky-af trend of my posts not referring to the characters by the right name, then this one isn't a surprise. That's right...

The one who made the mfin amalgamates is here, ready for her post. After all, her fish gf already got one, why not her? Plus, like in chronological order, shes in hotland. and also the first (excluding sand undertable who sits there, and undyne who wants you DEAD) major character you meet.

there we go, made a keep reading. time to YAP to my hearts content. Now then. About that part where you meet her for the first time? Well, it's true. But she doesn't meet you for the first time there. Because...

THIS MF'S BEEN SPYING ON YOU (ignore the frick beneathstory). In this bush is a camera, and when you meet her, it's revealed that she's been using those cameras to watch you. Yeah, she literally just watches you throughout the whole game. AND she also made the tile puzzle that Papyrus uses, and it's assumed that she rigged it so you could get through first try. She's the socially anxious lemon that people are split on apparently. First, because she made the amalgamates and went into a mental breakdance- i mean breakdown breakdown (IS THAT A JOJO REFERE-) and completely went back on her promise to return the people to their family, because she thought that everybody would want her dead. She's also the one who made Flowey, as the True Lab only has notes on Alphys' progress with the DT + Monsters (and inanimate objects), GASTER DOES NOT HAVE ANY FUCKING RELEVANCE IN THE TRUE LAB ASIDE FROM ROOM GASTER WHERE ONLY ONE THING MADE BY HIM IS THERE, LITERALLY ALL OF THE OTHERS ARE BY ALPHYS. Mettaton is also a creation of Alphys, made by making a robot body and letting a ghost inhabit it, with the ghost being Napstablooks cousin (also Mad Dummys/Mad Mew Mews cousin), and... Alphys is lesban. Yeah, she likes Undyne. She's a LEGO CITIZE- wait that's not the term. Uhhhh, SHE'S A LESBIAN! Nothing bad about that tho. Also according to my sources (mettaton/the wiki), Alphys also had a crush on Asgore, but not as much as Undyne, so, uh... she's bi, not lesber. Wild, ain't it? She, despite having the power to deactivate EVERYTHING, every puzzle, every trap, everything. Despite her power to do that, she doesn't do it. Instead, she makes you do the puzzles, and when YOU fumble, she goes all 'ah fuck, i messed up' and starts talking down on herself. Yeah, she's depressed. That's, uh... Surprisingly all I can find. I literally went on this to add onto the draft to post it, but seriously, what the fuck? This feels shorter than all the other posts. ...Oh yeah also she never frees the amalgamates except for in the pacifist ending and a neutral ending where she becomes the ruler of the Underground (it's abandoned genocide in hotland, where you kill Undyne in the Undying form, then abandon geno), where she outright tells you that she should've just killed you when she had the chance, BUT, it also made her become a better person as well. So, here's the rant about the Alphys neutral ending to extend reading time. Honestly, she's actually sort of right. She KNEW you were killing, she has cameras to watch you EVERYWHERE, and she also controls the puzzles and stuff around the map. However, it also forced herself to reveal what happened to the Monsters who had Fallen Down and were taken. Instead of what she actually thought, which, honestly, I'd think I'd be hated for making the amalgamates if I did make them, she actually got praised for being able to make the fallen Monsters live, even if they're blended in together. It was a means to an end after all. The Monsters were going to die, so, it really is a miracle, isn't it? ✋︎💧︎☠︎🕯︎❄︎ ✋︎❄︎✍︎

[amethystina]

Oh gosh, sorry to hear you’ve been getting lots of critiques recently. Even when it’s valid and solicited criticism can be rough, and the out of the blue stuff is always worse :/ And I say that as someone who works in the arts for a living.

I wish I had something better to say than that every artist you admire has likely felt the same way at one point or another, as even the best of the best of the best get complaints, but I don’t, so know at least that you’re in good company. (In theatre we actually have a saying that the day you can truly call yourself a professional is the day you get your first really bad review, so I always take comfort in the universality of the experience, even if it super fucking sucks lol)

I know I could also tell you that your writing is phenomenal and for every person who has a complaint there’s a bunch more who are having the BEST time (myself included xD), but I also know that doesn’t fix it when someone’s made you doubt yourself. For the record though, I will say it. Your writing IS phenomenal, and it DOES bring both me and others quite a lot of joy. I get very excited every time I see you’ve updated (either fic that I’m reading xD), and I find it genuinely a bonus that this particular story is so long. Because it means that the experience of reading it for the first time doesn’t have to be over yet.

I’m VERY much rambling now, but try and be kind to yourself is I guess at the heart of what I’m saying. Take care of yourself, take your time, and come back to things when you’re ready. You’re allowed to feel hurt, or doubtful, or whatever, and if time is what you need to take care of yourself, then you should take it <3.

To be honest, I would be genuinely surprised if I was somehow able to avoid getting criticism. It's just a natural part of posting online, it would seem, no matter one's skill level or the fandom.

And, usually, I can handle it pretty well. It just so happens that everything piled up on the same day and that got a little overwhelming. It honestly felt a bit like the universe was ganging up on me for no apparent reason xD

Thank you so much for your kind words, though 💜 It's true that there are no immediate fixes to the kind of doubts that arise from unsolicited criticism, but it certainly helps to know that there are people who enjoy what I do. Because, in the long run, it's not about writing the most perfect, flawless fic, but rather sharing the joy and excitement I feel over the stories that I write. So thank you so much for taking the time to tell me 💜

And yeah, I'm doing my best to rest right now, partly because I did end up getting sick. So I've mostly been drawing highly questionable Strangers From Hell fanart and, earlier today, I hyper-fixated for hours and randomly did a playlist for Who Holds the Devil. Which is VERY unexpected since I don't really connect music to my writing?

I blame @sofapup17 who made a wonderful playlist for my Strangers From Hell fanfic, which I've been looping while drawing the aforementioned fanart xD (and I also stole three songs from it to my own playlist ;D ) And that of course made me wonder if I could do one, too. Turns out that I can! It's hella long but, uh, that's both on-brand and appropriate considering the fanfic, I guess? I honestly didn't expect to find as much music as I did.

So yeah. While I'm not writing on Who Holds the Devil right now, I'm keeping busy with other creative projects. There never seems to be a shortage of those, somehow x'D

Thank you again for your kind words. The fact that so many people are willing to take time out of their day to cheer me up is so incredibly humbling. Thank you 💜

[luulapants]

To the person who will be receiving my Steter Secret Santa fic:

I want you to know that I am waging a FEROCIOUS war against my attention span and it’s been very hit or miss but I’m happy to do it because I love you and I want this fic to be perfect.

[tenderestgem]

[celestialgallaghers]

𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 [𝟏𝟖+]

c/w: alcohol, oral f receiving, fingering, frottage, vomiting, oral m receiving, jealousy, sexting, mentions of phone sex, rough sex, p in v, unprotected sex Word count: 15.8k a/n: thank you everyone for being so patient. I spent so much time procrastinating this, editing it, re-writing it, and here we are. I can't believe I started this series back in april and it's literally november now...wow. I want to thank all of you guys for following along and supporting me i genuinely cannot believe so many ppl like my writing. Anyways, enough yapping, this one's for you guys im having a well deserved drink tn <3

Prelude | Saturday | Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | Epilogue

2 months later

You told yourself you were here for the music. That was the line you repeated to yourself. Like maybe you’d believe it yourself if you redirected your thoughts enough.

The truth was you’d been a bit lost since the vacation. Some nights you’d lie awake, staring at the ceiling, replaying the way his hands felt on your skin. The curve of his lips when he smiled. You cursed him for being so damn addictive. For lodging himself somewhere deep inside you that you couldn’t seem to reach and pull out.

You’d tried to bury it. Tried to convince yourself it was over when the plane landed. But then your phone rang.

He hadn’t texted. Hadn’t sent word through your dad. He’d called. 

Said he was working on something new. Thought you might have the right ear for it. His tone was casual, like it was nothing. Like you hadn’t spent a week learning each other’s skin. Just hearing his voice again had sent you spiraling.

You didn’t know what you expected. Honestly you weren’t sure you’d ever hear from him again. But he called. And you came.

Now you stood outside his studio, heart in your throat, the London air thick with the smell of rain. You weren’t sure how he’d look at you. Or worse, how you’d handle looking at him.

You raised your hand and knocked before you could lose your nerve. The door swung open and every bit of air left your lungs. 

There he was. 

Right in front of you again. Just as good looking, maybe even more so now that you hadn’t seen him in a while. He looked relaxed. More at ease than the night you’d stumbled through the door and found him moping in the dark all those months ago.

His eyes caught yours and for a split second, neither of you moved. Then, slowly, he smiled and stepped forward, pulling you in.

Your heart twisted. The feel of him was so familiar it almost hurt. You wanted to stay there, to fold yourself against him, breathe him in, let the weeks of missing him collapse into nothing. But you forced yourself to settle for a polite squeeze in return.

When you stepped back, you avoided his gaze, letting your eyes roam the room instead. The studio looked mostly the same. Just a few more posters on the walls, a few more memories wedged between them.

At least you weren’t alone. Noel’s producer was there and you were grateful for the buffer. It took the edge off of…whatever this was.

Noel introduced you and you exchanged a quick hello before he gestured down the hallway.

“Kitchen’s down that way if you want—”

“I remember,” you said before you could stop yourself. It came out softer than you intended, almost wistful, and the weight of the words hung in the air.

For a moment, one you suspected wouldn’t be the last tonight, you wondered if you’d made a mistake coming here.

Noel cleared his throat, mouth twitching as he looked away. “Right then,” he said, slipping back into his professional tone. “Let’s get to work, shall we?”

Hours passed. 

The song wasn’t really a song. More of a rough sketch. Just a recording of him strumming and singing softly, lost in thought. 

You’d always loved how he sounded acoustically. There was a certain quality to his voice that never seemed to be fully captured in the recordings. It made him sound more raw. Real. Sexier. 

Hearing that voice through the headphones, so close it felt like it was brushing the inside of your ear, had you near your wits end. There was an added layer of intimacy you hadn’t expected. 

And then there were the lyrics. The song, If Love Is The Law, gave you pause. It couldn’t be about you. Of course it wasn’t. But some of the lines…they landed too close to home. If he noticed the way you’d gone quiet, he didn’t say anything. 

At some point he reached for his guitar again and you caught yourself watching. You couldn’t help it. The way he played was hypnotic. It wasn’t just the music. It was him. The focus, the small frown of concentration, the way his lips parted slightly as he hummed along. You didn’t even realize you were staring until he looked up and caught you.

By the time the track had enough bones to stand on its own, it was late. The producer had slipped out an hour ago, leaving the two of you alone. Now the air felt heavier without anyone else there to absorb the tension.

Noel pushed his chair back with a sigh, running a hand through his hair. “That’ll do for tonight,” he said. His voice had softened, no longer carrying the professional edge he’d kept all evening.

You nodded, leaning back in your seat. Your whole body felt wired and loose all at once, not quite sure what to do next.

He looked at you for a long moment. You saw the hesitation flicker across his face. The urge to say something. The decision not to.

You swallowed, trying to steady your breath. “Guess I should—”

“You could stay,” he said.

Something in you bristled. Half with warning, half with want. “And do what, exactly?”

His mouth curved, slow and knowing.

And just like that, you knew the vacation hadn’t been a singular thing. It wasn’t going to be neatly filed away. 

You hesitated, every instinct warning you not to re-open the wound. It was still healing after all. 

“Noel, I…” you started, but you were at a loss of words. You couldn’t get into why it was a bad idea. Not without revealing what you felt. Letting him see how deep it had gotten for you.

Just a fling. The words you’d uttered to him months ago echoed in your head, mocking you. You’d been so stupid to think you could get away unscathed. That you could touch him, get to know his warmth, the weight of his body against yours, and just walk away from it. 

You forced yourself to look up. His eyes met yours and whatever resolve you had began to crumble. There was lust there, yes, but also something softer. Understanding. Longing. It shook something loose in you.

You exhaled, a little shakily. “Okay,” you relented. “You got anything stronger than tea here?”

He smiled, slow and sure, and that was all it took.

Stupid indeed. 

A few whiskies later all caution had been thrown to the wind. 

Why did it matter, really? There was a handsome, charming man at your disposal and his focus was solely on you. And god it felt good. 

Good to laugh. Good to be looked at like that again. By him. 

There had been no others in the months that had passed. You hadn’t wanted anyone else. Hadn’t even bothered to try.

At first you’d wrinkled your nose when the only bottle he found was an expensive whiskey that was gifted to him. You and dark liquor did not mix well. But you still accepted when he poured it, his brow lifting in amusement.

He’d laughed when you tossed back the first glass in one go, eyes glinting as he refilled it. “It’s meant to be sipped, you know,” he’d said, that faint teasing lilt you’d missed so much.

Your cheeks had warmed at your own naivete, but the fondness in his gaze quickly melted it away. 

Unfortunately, the steep price tag did make it slide down smoother than the cheap stuff you’d learned to stay away from. Bastard. He was teaching you to crave a taste you couldn’t afford.

The studio after dark had a different sort of vibe to it. The lights were dimmed, casting everything in a faint golden glow. Music drifted out of one of the vast speakers. It was almost serene.

You and Noel had been on the couch for hours talking. Or rather, he had been talking. About the new album, the genre shifts, the inspirations that had been haunting him lately. You nodded, half listening, mostly using his long winded explanations as an excuse to watch him. Observe him. The way he leaned forward when he got passionate. The small frown when he searched for the right word. The way his tongue darted out to wet his lips after a sip.

The warmth curling low in your stomach should've been a warning sign. But you leaned into it instead.

At first you’d kept a respectable distance. But somewhere along the way, that space had vanished. He was speaking slower now, his voice dipping lower, that Mancunian accent curling more and more around every syllable. You couldn’t tell if it was the whiskey making him speak softer or if he was doing it on purpose, but either way, it worked. The more he talked, the more you found yourself leaning in to hear.

Your pulse had settled somewhere low and steady. Your skin felt too warm. From the drink yes, but also from him. From the weight of his gaze. The implication that you both knew what your staying here really meant.

You were mid-sentence when the song changed and you gasped suddenly, springing to your feet.

“I love this song,” you said, the words a little too slurred as the opening chords filled the room.

Noel chuckled at your sudden outburst, but you could feel his eyes on you as you began to sway to the music. Your hips moved slow, your voice soft as you sang under your breath.

Then your eyes found his. You held his gaze, something playful flickering there as you extended a hand toward him.

“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away,” you murmured, the words half lyric, half invitation.

He leaned back against the couch, watching you with an unreadable expression. It was enough to sober you. The movement in your hips slowed, your hand faltered midair before falling back to your side. Embarrassment crept up your throat. You were making a fool of yourself.

But then you heard the soft clink of a glass being set down. And before you could process it, his hand was on your waist, settling warm and heavy like it had every right to be there.

His other hand reached for yours, fingers curling around your palm as he lifted it. You looked up, breath catching in your chest. The blue of his eyes had gone stormy, almost gray in the low light.

For a moment, neither of you moved. You just stood there, holding something fragile between you. Then he gave the faintest nod toward your free hand.

You blinked, realizing what he wanted, and lifted your hand to rest against his arm. You hoped he didn’t notice the faint tremor in your fingers as they brushed over the firm muscle beneath the fabric. And then, unbidden, came the flash of a memory. The same arm pinning you against him in that infamous shower when he touched you for the first time. The recollection twisted low in your stomach, heat curling through you.

Slowly, he began to move. You followed, the motion easy but unbearably intimate. He led you with surprising ease. You’d never pictured him as the dancing type, but maybe it was the whiskey. Or the song. Or the soft quiet that wrapped itself around you both. Whatever it was, it had brought him here. Into your arms.

Your eyes stayed locked on his. It was almost too much. The faint spice of his cologne, the steady pull of his body guiding yours, the familiar lines on his face. You had to fight the urge to look away. The sheer weight of his gaze made you feel small and seen and wanted all at once.

You didn’t even notice the distance closing until you felt the solid heat of his chest press against yours. Your heart was pounding so hard you were sure he could feel it. 

His thumb traced a small circle against your hip. A thoughtless motion, but enough to make goosebumps rise on your skin. His eyes searched yours, flicking from your mouth to your throat and back again. The look in them was equal parts question and confession.

You wanted to move, to close that gap, but something held you still. It felt inevitable though. Like every word, every glance tonight had been leading here. 

Then he leaned in, just the slightest bit, and the faintest brush of his nose grazed your cheek. The touch was featherlight, almost not there, but you felt the tremor of it all the way down to your knees and knew you were a goner.

He paused, so close you could feel the ghost of his breath, the warmth of his lips hovering just inches away. Every single nerve in your body was tuned to him. The world narrowed to the space between your mouths.

Your lips parted, aching for him, and you leaned in, just barely. Almost unconsciously. Like your body was chasing him before your mind could catch up. His eyes flicked to yours, searching, and you saw it there. The same need, the same hesitation.

Then finally, finally, he closed the gap. 

The world spun when his lips brushed yours. It was nothing more than a sigh, a whisper of contact, but it ripped through you all the same. It lasted two seconds, maybe less, before he pulled back.

He didn’t go far. He lingered, breath mingling with yours, like he was trying to convince himself to stop.

A small sound escaped you, like he’d taken something vital when he pulled away. The loss of it ached in your chest. Until he closed the distance again.

This one was different. More sure. Like you’d both barely gotten a taste and needed more. 

You were glad to give it to him.

The minute you melted into him, his breath shuddered out through his nose and his lips pressed harder against yours. His hand at your waist tugged you closer, the other cradling your face.

The world outside the studio ceased to exist. There was only him, only this. The faint taste of whiskey on his mouth, the heat of his lips, the shiver that ran down your spine.

Your hands found the back of his neck, threading through his hair as you drew him closer. You kissed him like a woman starved, like all the time you’d spent yearning was finally catching up to you.

Each slick slide of his lips against yours pulled you deeper, made you crave more. It was an echo of the vacation, the nights you’d replayed in your mind, the ache that had lingered since. And now it was real, present, and impossibly alive.

You pressed closer until there was no space left between you. A small voice in the back of your mind whispered about consequences, about what this meant, but the slide of his tongue against yours was enough to smother it.

When you finally broke apart, you hovered there, breathless, foreheads almost touching, still tasting the ghost of his lips.

Neither of you spoke. He just looked at you, eyes half lidded, thumb brushing over your hip. A quiet hum left his throat, like a sigh or a curse, you couldn’t tell.

Then, softer this time, he leaned in again. His lips traced the corner of your mouth, your jaw, the spot just below your ear. You felt your pulse spike as heat bloomed heavy in your stomach.

Your fingers slid further into his hair almost without thought. You shouldn’t. You knew that. But his breath was warm against your skin. His voice was even warmer when he murmured something low against your ear. You couldn’t make out the words, but the tone cut straight through you. 

It wasn’t teasing. It was want. Dangerous, urgent want.

You weren’t sure who moved first. One second you were just breathing each other’s air, and the next, his mouth was on yours again, hungrier this time.

A small, broken sound escaped you, the kind you couldn’t have held back if you tried. He answered with a quiet groan that hit you somewhere low, his hand tightening on your waist.

Your fingers threaded deeper into his hair, tugging lightly for balance. He pressed closer, deepening the kiss until you weren’t sure where his mouth ended and yours began.

Everything blurred. All that existed was the pull of him, the taste of his lips, and the damning realization that you had never stopped wanting him.

The next thing you knew, you were on the couch, still warm from where you’d been sitting earlier. His weight pressed you into the cushions as you kicked your shoes off. Every inch of space between you was claimed in seconds.

His hands were everywhere. In your hair, tracing the curve of your waist, gripping with the kind of need that left you trembling. It was a frenzy of lips and teeth and want.

He shifted, pressing himself against you, and the shock of heat made you gasp into his mouth. Hard, impossibly hard, against the seam of your jeans. The slow, torturous grind of his hips had you shuddering beneath him. 

A helpless sound escaped you. That’s what you were. Helpless. Helpless to the gravity that pulled you toward him. Helpless to the inevitability of your bodies intertwining. Deep down, you’d known this would happen the moment he’d called.

And yet, with each press of his lips to your neck, with each blissful grind of his body against yours, you surrendered to it. Because you needed it. Needed him. With a ferocity that almost frightened you.

You didn’t stop him as he stripped you of your clothes. Didn’t pause when your hands found his belt buckle. Couldn’t think beyond the throb of your core. 

He pressed kisses down your chest, across your stomach, until he hovered just above where you ached for him most. His warm breath ghosted over you, and you couldn’t help but squirm.

Then his lips closed around your clit, and a long, shuddering moan ripped from your throat as your head fell back against the couch cushion. Your body fell limp beneath his touch. His hand found your hip, steadying you, holding you open to him, making you feel utterly exposed and utterly wanted. 

Your brain went numb as he nipped and sucked at you, the sound filthy in the quiet of the room. Then he slipped two fingers inside of you.

“Noel, fuck,” you gasped, the first words you’d uttered since this had begun, tearing out before thought could catch them.

You could’ve sworn you felt him smirk against your skin before he began working you open with expert fingers. The way he touched you with such familiarity was heady. Every glide of his fingers, every press and curl, was practiced and sure, drawing every small, messy sound from your throat.

One particular curve hit so sharply you gasped and jerked uncontrollably, a pleasure so keen it teetered on overwhelming.

And then he was gone altogether. The absence of him was almost as strong as his touch. Your eyes flew open in protest, your breath catching in a frustrated, needy sound.

But then you saw him. Stroking himself, positioning back over you. 

You blinked rapidly, hardly believing this was happening again, but then his mouth was on yours again. The taste of yourself on his lips sent a familiar fire burning right through you. You shifted, urging him closer, desperate for friction. 

At that, he pulled back slightly, eyes locking on yours. Then he pressed forward again, guiding himself toward you. The head of his cock nudged your entrance, and you faltered, pausing to catch your breath. The stretch felt unfamiliar. It had been months since you’d had anyone.

He cursed softly at your tightness, but he stilled, holding himself there despite the need thrumming through him. You responded, shifting closer to hook a leg around his back. Your lips met again and he pressed his firm against you, reassurance laced in each kiss and you melted into him.

Slowly, he sank deeper, moving with a steady rhythm. Your arms wrapped around him, pulling him close. One of his hands brushed your hair back, gentle and attentive, and the small intimacy of the gesture made your chest tighten.

You realized you were trembling slightly, overwhelmed by feeling and sheer emotion. He paused, pulling out just enough to make you gasp, then pushed back in until he was fully seated inside you.

You felt so full. Of him. His whole being. You were engulfed in it. Your body seemed to hum with recognition, remembering what it had been missing. It’s him.

Your arms curled tighter around him as you began moving, seeking him, matching his rhythm. The closeness, the warmth, the press of him against you. It made the rest of the world vanish.

It was slow. Sensual. Every motion slick as he rocked into you, twin sounds of pleasure escaping your mouths.

It felt like coming home. Like a piece of you had been missing until now, waiting for this. His head dropped to your shoulder, arms tightening around you as his hips picked up pace. He had you gripped in a vice, body locked beneath him. 

Your fingers dug into him, clinging as he drove you further into a pleasure so intense you thought you might black out. Every moan, every press of his against you, every tiny friction, became impossible to control. Your shoulder was damp from how heavily he breathed into you, and you could feel your own heat soaking into him as the rhythm built, unrelenting and perfect.

Your body clenched around him, holding on as he hit that perfect spot again and again. And then it happened without warning, you shattered completely, your release tearing through you. Pleasure radiated throughout your entire body so hard you couldn’t breath. 

He followed almost immediately, a low, muffled cry escaping as he trembled against you, his release spilling into the taut heat between you.

For a long moment, you both remained still, limbs tangled, bodies pressed together. Slowly, you realized both legs were hooked around his waist, your heels digging into his back as though your body hadn’t gotten the message yet. It was an intimate, almost tender position. Too tender. The realization sent a flicker of panic through you. You hadn’t even noticed how close you’d been holding him.

You took a deep, shaky breath, trying to calm the riot in your chest. Slowly, he slid out of you and slumped beside you in the tight confines of the couch. The air felt heavy with the remnants of everything you’d just done but already cooling.

“Missed that,” he murmured, tilting his head to press a lazy kiss to the back of your hand. 

Your heart shattered into a million pieces. Did he mean you? Or was it just the sex?

Your throat went tight. You wanted to ask, to make him say it plain, but the words wouldn’t come. You closed your eyes, biting down hard on your lip to keep the sudden tears at bay.

“You were good today,” he said softly, voice easy. “Why don’t you stay on for the whole album, hm?” He leaned in, brushing a kiss against the top of your head like it was nothing. Like it meant nothing.

The ache in your chest hardened into something sharp. Because you knew what this was now. What it wasn’t. He wasn’t trying to hurt you, he just didn’t realize that he already had. He could roll over and talk about studio plans while you were still shaking from having him inside you. He could separate the two. You couldn’t.

Your heart raced. The panic began to bubble up, desperate and ugly. This was exactly what you’d feared. He was being casual about it. Normal. Like you should be.

But you couldn’t.

You couldn’t be around him without wanting him. Without needing him. And now that you’d crossed that line, there was no going back. It would happen again. And you couldn’t survive that kind of pain.

You sat up abruptly, forcing air into your lungs.

“Noel, I can’t just drop everything for you,” you said, voice sharper than you meant it to be, but it was the only way to stop yourself from breaking. “I have a life. A job.”

He stilled, eyes searching your face at the sudden edge in your tone.

“This was a mistake,” you said finally, quieter now. “I’m sorry.”

You pulled away from his warmth, the air immediately colder against your skin. You rolled out of his embrace and fumbled for your clothes, every movement clumsy, rushed. Your hands shook despite your best efforts to stay composed.

“A mistake? What d’you mean?” His voice carried both disbelief and something else. Something unspoken that made your chest tighten.

You froze for a second, staring at him. You wanted to believe that tone meant something. That maybe he understood. But the ache in your chest reminded you otherwise.

“Why did you call me here, Noel?” you demanded, your voice breaking on his name. “To play me this song about love? Tell me to stay? That you missed me?” You shook your head, breath coming out uneven. “We can’t keep doing this and you know it.”

He looked away then. Just a simple turn of his head, but it felt like a door closing. The silence that followed said more than any excuse ever could. That pause stretched out, confirming what you already knew deep down.

He wanted to keep it casual. Easy. Detached.

And you…you were the fool who’d gone and fallen in love.

You felt it sink through you like a slow, sick realization. The kind that left no air in your lungs, no fight left to give.

When he finally lifted his gaze again, it was too late. Whatever he meant to say was already swallowed by the quiet.

You were already pulling your jacket around your shoulders, forcing your trembling fingers through the sleeves.

“Wait—” he started, voice low, but you didn’t stop.

You were halfway to the door before he could even stand, ignoring the sound of your name echoing behind you.

He called. Waited a week to do it, but he called. 

You ignored it. 

It was easier that way. If you heard his voice, you’d give in. You knew you would. You were weak when it came to him. Soft in ways you didn’t even recognize in yourself until he’d found them.

You told yourself it didn’t matter. That one missed call wasn’t a big deal. That he’d forget about it and move on. But then he called again.

You’d stared at the screen for a long time, thumb hovering over his name. You’d almost answered.

The third time, you sent him straight to voicemail pretending you weren’t waiting for it to buzz again. Pretending you didn’t check for a message even though you already knew he hadn’t left one.

Eventually he got the hint. 

You kept replaying that night in your head. The way you’d clung too tight. Some nights, you cringed at yourself, hating how desperate you’d been for something he was never offering.

Other nights you hated him for chasing you when he knew he didn’t want anything real. For letting you believe it could be more.

But most nights…most nights, you hated yourself. For wanting him anyway. For missing him even now.

You couldn’t stop staring at it. 

It stared right back at you, the glossy cardstock reeking of self importance. His name printed in big, unassuming letters that made your stomach twist.

Your heart had dropped the moment you’d spotted it while rifling through your mail. The embossed gold edge caught the light like it was mocking you.

You're invited to the release party of Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds’ newest album: Who Built The Moon.

You read it twice. Then again, as if it might suddenly say something else. As if it might suddenly acknowledge you personally. But it didn’t. It just sat there, impersonal and pristine.

You dropped it onto the kitchen table and stared after it. It felt like it was staring straight back. Almost like it was watching you. Reporting back to its owner on your reaction. 

Was she angry? Hurt? Did she still care?

A dozen answers tangled in your chest. None of them kind.

You told yourself you didn’t care. That you’d moved on. But your hands betrayed you. They were shaking as you picked it up again.

A flurry of emotions surged all at once, but one was stronger than all the rest.

Anger.

It was easy to feel angry at him. He probably didn’t even know he’d sent it. Your name was probably still listed somewhere and some poor assistant didn’t even realize the damage they’d done.

Your chest tightened. You pressed your lips together, giving the fancy card one last look before ripping it clean down the middle. Then again. And again. Until it was nothing but scraps for you to toss in the bin.

Only when it was gone did you let out the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

If only it were that easy. 

You should’ve known better. Given your family’s history with him, it was inevitable that they’d been invited too. You’d made the mistake of mentioning that you weren’t going to your dad during one of your weekly calls.

“What d’you mean you’re not going?” he’d said, his tone a mix of disbelief and irritation. When you couldn’t give him a decent explanation, grasping for words that didn’t sound childish, he’d only doubled down.

“You can’t just not show up. It’s a big night for him. The least you can do is support him.”

Right. Support him. What absolute bullshit.

You’d stood your ground for as long as you could, clinging to that small piece of dignity. But then Emily got involved and you caved. You always did when it came to her. At least she’d be there. That was the only reason you’d finally relented.

You’d thought about telling her about what happened at his studio. She knew, after all. At least about the trip. But the way she’d reacted when she’d found out kept you quiet this time.

In the end, she all but dragged you there kicking and screaming, muttering every excuse you could think of along the way.

“Em, please,” you hissed the second you stepped out of the car, looking at her with pleading eyes. “I’m begging you, please don’t leave me alone tonight.”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” she said with an exasperated sigh before scanning your face. Her brows furrowed like she’d seen something. Some flicker of panic you couldn’t quite hide.

It took her all of three seconds to put it together.

The teasing dropped from her expression, replaced with quiet understanding. “Okay,” she said softly. “I won’t.”

Only then did you breathe again, a shaky exhale leaving your chest. You managed a small, grateful smile before following her inside.

The room was dim and humming with low chatter, laughter, the faint clink of glasses. It was a stunningly gorgeous venue. But that couldn’t distract you from the thought of him. He was here. Somewhere. 

You kept your back to him the entire night. It took every ounce of discipline you had. Whenever his voice drifted too close, you turned. When the crowd shifted, you shifted too. New faces. New conversations. You didn’t look over your shoulder. Not once.

When it came time to sit and listen to the album, you chose the farthest seat in the room. And when the song you helped on began to play, you fixed your eyes on the table, willing your expression to stay neutral as the familiar chords filled the room. But your mind betrayed you, conjuring up memories of the night you’d heard it for the first time.

Of course things didn’t go how you’d planned. They never did when it came to him.

Emily had only stepped away for one second, one single second, and somehow that was all it took. When you looked up again, he was there. Standing beside you like he’d materialized out of thin air.

“You look nice,” he said quietly.

It shouldn’t have affected you. But some pitiful, traitorous part of you warmed at the words. You’d spent hours deciding what to wear to this stupid thing. 

You smothered the reaction as soon as it surfaced. Anger was easier. Anger kept you strong.

“Fuck off,” you said flatly, eyes locked on some distant point across the room.

You could feel him shifting his weight uncomfortably beside you.

“I tried calling you—”

“I know,” you cut in, raising your glass to your lips. The champagne was too sweet, cloying in your throat. It didn’t suit the bitterness you felt.

He hesitated, then stepped in front of you. You stared at the ground, but when your eyes flicked up, the look you saw there made you freeze. There was something guilty and wounded there. Like your silence had actually hurt him. 

It made your throat tighten.

You blinked, suddenly unsure, but before you could say anything, he straightened, eyes fixed on something behind you. You saw it happen in real time. The shift. The retreat behind that calm, practiced mask he wore so well.

“Emily,” he said suddenly, tone light, too light. “How you been?”

Emily appeared at your side. One look at you, rigid, clutching your glass too tightly, told her everything she needed to know.

“Fine,” she said tersely. 

The air went heavy. Noel’s gaze moved between the two of you, lingering on Emily. Something unspoken passed between them before a look of understanding washed over him.

She knows.

“Okay then,” he said finally, voice distant now. “Take care.”

He turned and walked away before you could exhale.

It should’ve felt good. Triumphant even. You’d wanted him gone, hadn’t you? Instead, you just felt hollow.

Emily didn’t say a word when you drained the rest of your drink in one go and made a beeline for the bar.

2019

You didn’t see him again after that night. Not for a long time.

Life had a funny way of moving on when you didn’t feel ready for it. The weeks bled into months, then years. Work got busier. You got busier. And then, against all odds, you met someone who made you forget. Really forget. He was kind. Patient. The sort of man who was easy to love. Who loved you without fail. You were happy. Truly, blissfully happy. 

Until you found out he’d been loving someone else too. 

It nearly broke you. You spent weeks on Emily’s couch, barely able to move from sheer heartbreak. Apparently, you were starting to put a damper on her own relationship because she eventually sat you down, gave you the tough love talk, and kicked you out.

It was time though. Spending that much time around her had turned you back into bickering teens.

But when you packed up your things and went back to your empty flat, the silence was brutal. It wasn’t just your ex you were grieving, it was everything. All the versions of yourself that had tried so hard to love and be loved. Every person you’d pinned your heart on who’d managed to walk away. And, inevitably, your thoughts circled back to Noel.

You hated that they did. You hadn’t thought about him in years, but he still had a hold somewhere deep down. In that quiet part of you that never got closure.

And yet, even those memories had started to fade. He wasn’t the open wound he once was. Just a faint scar. One that didn’t hurt anymore, but still caught the light sometimes when you least expected it.

Life marches on. That’s what you told yourself as you called up some old friends from uni and rallied together for a girls night out. What you needed now was to get absolutely shitfaced. 

And shitfaced you got. 

London was alive that night, breathing new life into you in a way you hadn’t felt in months. Maybe years. You had no idea where you ended up, only that when you stumbled back to the bar for another drink, something, or rather someone, stopped you dead in your tracks.

Noel.

Of all people. Of all nights.

You froze. For a long moment you just…looked at him. Waited for that all too familiar ache to crawl up your chest, to remind you of everything that once was and never would be. But it didn’t come.

Instead, there was only stillness. A strange flicker of something warm, almost fond. Like a memory you could finally look at without flinching. 

You blinked, a little dazed by the realization. Maybe time really had done what you never thought it could. Maybe you were finally past it. Past him. Or maybe it was just the alcohol talking, the thrill of being someone new, someone untethered.

Before you could stop yourself, your feet were carrying you across the bar, weaving between tables until you were standing right in front of him.

“Well, if it isn’t the one and only Noel Gallagher,” you said, your voice teasing as you swayed slightly. 

He looked up sharply, brows knitting. Recognition flashed in his eyes, followed by something more cautious, almost wary. “What are you doing here?” he asked, voice low.

“What are you doing here,” you shot back, half slurring.

He sighed, glancing at the people seated around him who were pretending not to watch. A moment later, he was on his feet, his hand closing gently around your arm as he steered you away from the table.

You stumbled beside him, half laughing. “What’s with the first degree?” you said, catching his eye. “I just wanted to say hi.”

But he only looked at you, really looked, taking in the state you were in.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

“What?” You blinked, thrown off by the softness in his tone. “I’m fine,” you said, dragging the word out, trying to sound casual.

He pursed his lips, glancing back at his table before exhaling hard. “Come on. You need some fresh air.”

Outside, the night air hit your flushed skin like a relief. You leaned back against the brick wall, eyes closing as you breathed in the cool air.

When you opened them again, he was still there, watching you with that unreadable mix of amusement and concern. He looked sexier than you remembered. Frustratingly so. A little more grey now, his shirt unbuttoned just enough to show a hint of chest hair. You had the sudden urge to slip your hand inside just to feel him.

Your lips curved at the thought. “Noellll,” you said, sing-song and affectionate, reaching toward him.

He blinked, sighing, that faint smile tugging at the corner of his mouth despite himself. “Okay,” he said warily. “Ok what’s going on?”

You squinted, trying to focus on him. “What do you mean?”

His voice softened, but there was something beneath it. Something careful. “Last time I saw you, you told me to fuck off. What’s changed?”

You frowned, confused by the weight in his tone. “Come on, that was ages ago,” you said, waving a hand like it was nothing.

He ran a hand down his face, muttering something under his breath before glancing toward the street like he wasn’t sure what to do with you, or with this.

“What?” you pressed, pushing off the wall to stand a little too close. “You seeing someone or something?”

The question slipped out teasingly, but even you could hear the edge beneath it. That quiet, ugly thread of curiosity. Or jealousy. You weren’t sure which.

He looked back at you incredulously, about to speak, when your stomach turned.

“Uh oh,” you murmured.

“Uh oh?” he repeated, wary now.

And then you bent forward and threw up all over the pavement.

“Jesus christ,” he hissed, stepping closer. “Come here—”

His hand found the back of your head, holding your hair gently as the night’s bad decisions came back up.

When it was finally over, you spat once, straightened, and wiped your mouth. You felt lighter. And utterly mortified.

He sighed, glancing between you and the bar, like he was debating whether you were worth the trouble. “Alright,” he said quietly. “Let’s get you home.”

“My friends—” you started, weakly gesturing back toward the bar.

“I’m sure they’ll understand,” he said, already pulling out his phone. “Come on.”

You swayed as he ordered the cab, your head buzzing. You were listening to the rhythm of his voice. There was a steadiness in it, one that used to make you melt.

The last thing you remembered before everything went dark was the car door opening, the world tilting, and strong hands catching you before you hit the seat.

You woke in an unfamiliar room, heart racing and head pounding. The sour taste in your mouth made you wince, and you pressed a hand over your face, trying to piece together the fragments of last night. You remember all the shots you took, cursing your ex after each one, and then…then it got a bit blurry. 

Your eyes fell on your purse on the floor. You fumbled inside for your phone. Dead. Cracked. 

There was a glass of water on the nightstand, condensation pooled beneath it. You grabbed it and drank until your mouth didn't feel so dry. You’d barely set it down when a loud clatter came from down the hall, followed by a string of curses. Familiar ones.

Your stomach dropped.

Shakily, you swung your legs over the bed. The oversized shirt hanging off your shoulders was definitely not yours. A wave of panic rippled through you. You pushed yourself upright, padding unsteadily toward the noise.

Noel stood at the stove, frowning down at a pan of what looked like charred scrambled eggs. He turned at the sound of your footsteps.

“Oh, hi. You’re awake,” he said, voice calm but edged with surprise.

“Hi,” you croaked. “Um…what happened last night? We didn’t…”

His eyes widened. “No, god no. Why don’t you sit down.”

You felt ridiculous as you sank into a chair at his kitchen table in nothing but a t-shirt and panties, hair a mess, makeup smudged. He poured another glass of water and set it in front of you before sitting across from you with a quiet sigh.

“My clothes—”

“You, uh, threw up all over them,” he said gently, almost apologetic. “So…”

Heat surged to your cheeks. Had he…taken your clothes off for you? Your gaze flicked down, ashamed, then back up.

“S’alright. Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

Your head snapped toward him, cheeks flaming.

“No, I—” he fumbled, rubbing the back of his neck, “I meant the vomit. Not—yeah, no. Christ.”

That broke a small, shaky laugh out of you. He glanced up at you then, the corner of his mouth twitching, as if he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Fuck, Noel, I’m so sorry to be crashing at your place like this.”

He shrugged. “Hey, it’s okay. I tried to get you to tell the driver your address, but you passed out almost immediately. So…here we are.”

You groaned, dropping your head into your hands. The weight of embarrassment pressed down on you. Your hangover, the shirt that had to be his, the faint memory of slurring his name.

“Did something…happen?” he asked after a pause. “You seemed pretty out of sorts last night.”

You drew a slow, shaky breath and forced yourself to meet his eyes. “Yeah I just got out of a serious relationship and thought I could drink my way out of it.”

He didn’t say anything right away. Just leaned back slightly, waiting for you to go on.

“He cheated on me,” you admitted. The words came out small, like you were ashamed of them. As if that one line could somehow excuse your drunkenness.

Noel exhaled slowly, jaw ticking once before his expression softened again. “Ah. Right. That’ll do it.”

There was a quiet moment before he slid the plate toward you. “Sorry,” he said simply. “Hope you can stomach it.”

You looked down at the uneven heap of eggs, your chest tightening. Even burnt, it was the kindest thing anyone had done for you in days. Heat crept up your neck.

“No I’m sorry,” you murmured, eyes still on the plate. “I hope I didn’t ruin your night.”

A quiet laugh slipped from him. “Nah. They were boring me to death anyway. Reckon you saved me, actually.”

That coaxed a weak smile out of you. When you looked up again, he was already watching you, like he was making sure you were okay. His gaze lingered a second too long before he cleared his throat and nodded toward the counter.

“Tea?”

The next hour passed in slow, sleepy recovery. Dry toast, buckets of tea, and the faint hum of the kettle filling the quiet. It almost felt normal. Almost.

But inside, you were a mess of nerves.

What the hell were you thinking last night? This wasn’t how you got back at your ex. If anything, it was how you got back at yourself. Why had you asked if Noel was seeing someone? Why did it matter? You absolutely could not go down that road again.

He’d been kind enough to let you use the guest bathroom to clean up. But when you rifled through your ruined clothes, you realized you had nothing wearable left. You sighed, then cracked the door open just enough to call his name.

“Uh…I don’t have any pants.”

There was a pause, followed by the sound of his footsteps down the hall. “Right. Hang on.”

A minute later, his voice came through the door, a little hesitant. “These were, uh…Sara’s. Figured you’re about the same size.”

You opened the door just enough to take the folded clothing from his hand. The fabric was soft. Probably cost a stupid amount for a pair of sweatpants. 

Putting them on felt strange. They fit, sort of. They were a little snug on your waist, but they were all you had. You slid the t-shirt he’d given you last night back on, and caught your reflection in the mirror, an unsteady laugh escaping you.

Punishment, you thought. For getting yourself into this ridiculous situation. For ending up in Noel Gallagher’s house, wearing his ex-wife’s clothes, with a hangover splitting your skull and your heart still bruised from someone else.

You weren’t exactly sure where to go from here.

Leaving would be the sensible thing to do. You should call a cab, go home, sleep off your shame, and pretend this never happened. But something in you wanted to stay, at least for a little while longer. Maybe it felt good to be cared for, no matter how embarrassing the reason was. 

Still, you were acutely aware that you were in his house. You didn’t want to overstay your welcome. Not after last night.

You heard the sound of the tv and followed it. Noel was slouched on a plush looking sofa, eyes focused on some old western movie on the screen.

You hovered in the doorway, unsure if you were intruding, until he finally glanced up. His gaze swept over you—your damp hair, the borrowed clothes that didn’t quite fit—and something unreadable flickered across his face.

He cleared his throat, eyes darting briefly toward the kitchen. “Kettle’s on.”

That settled it. 

He didn’t say you could stay, not outright, but the gesture was enough. And truthfully, you were still too hungover to even think about getting into a cab.

You nodded, quiet gratitude tugging at your chest, and cautiously sank onto the other end of the couch.

“You seen this one?” he asked after a moment, nodding toward the screen.

You shook your head. “No.”

“What?” He turned, genuinely appalled. “It’s a classic! Alright, we’re starting over.”

You almost laughed at his earnestness but caught yourself, unsure if laughter would break the spell. It felt a bit strange, him talking to you like this, like nothing had happened. Maybe it was pity. But it was good. Comforting, even.

The next few hours passed in an oddly peaceful blur.

You watched what Noel called “the holy trinity” of westerns, though you could barely keep the plots straight. He pointed out details, quoted lines before they happened, and explained things you didn’t fully understand but listened to anyway. It was oddly endearing, this side of him. 

By the time the credits rolled on the third film, daylight had faded. You stretched beneath the blanket, realizing you’d spent the whole day there without meaning to.

“Right,” you said, peeling yourself away from the blanket you’d been cocooned in for hours. “I should probably head out.”

He made a small, noncommittal noise in response, eyes still on the screen. You stood, stretching the stiffness from your limbs, and started gathering your things.

Your clothes from the night before were a lost cause, crumpled and sour with the unmistakable stench of vomit. You grimaced, found a stray grocery bag in the kitchen, and shoved them inside before slinging your purse over your shoulder.

When you returned to the living room, he hadn’t moved much. The afternoon light slanted through the blinds, painting faint stripes across his face. He was still so stunningly handsome, even after a day of lounging. 

You, on the other hand, felt exposed, your head still vaguely pounding from the hangover. A sudden pang of vulnerability washed over you.

“Uber’s on its way,” you mumbled, hovering awkwardly near the door.

He nodded, but said nothing. It wasn’t a cold silence, but it was loaded, somehow. Like his kindness towards you today was running out. You felt the need to fill it.

“Thanks again for…all this,” you said finally, your voice smaller than you meant it to be. “You could’ve just kicked me out.”

That drew out a small smile. He stood, shrugging one shoulder like it was nothing. “Hey, I’d do it for any of my friends.”

The word friends landed heavy. You supposed that’s what you were.

“Right,” you echoed, quieter this time.

Maybe it was desperation. Maybe you still wanted him to like you. Or maybe you just needed the comfort. Whatever it was, you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around him before you could think twice.

He went still, surprised, before his arms came around you too, steady and warm. For a second, you let yourself sink into it.

It lasted a little too long. Long enough for you to feel stupid. When you finally pulled back, you lingered in his space. You looked up, meaning to smile, to say something light, but he was watching you, gaze unreadable and soft in a way that made your breath hitch.

You hesitated and then leaned in to brush a soft kiss against his cheek.

“Thank you,” you whispered, unsure what you were really thanking him for.

You stepped back quickly, heart hammering. “My car’s here,” you managed, the words catching.

And before he could say anything, you turned and slipped out the door. By the time you hit the curb, you were already asking yourself what the fuck you’d just done.

Two weeks after the incident with Noel, you got a text from him. 

Hey you awake?

Your stomach dropped. You forgot he still had your number. You blinked at your phone. It was half past twelve. You’d spent the night with a glass of wine and a movie, winding down from another long week. You probably should’ve been asleep by now. But you weren’t.

You bit your lip as your thumbs hovered over your phone. If this was what you thought it was…

The truth was you’d thought about him more than you cared to admit since that day. About how he’d looked, how gentle he’d been when you were a complete disaster. There was a sense of calm there that had never existed between you before.

You looked back down at his text. You could ignore it. Pretend you didn’t see it. But something in you was tugging at you to reply.

Yeah what’s up

You hit send before you could talk yourself out of it. Your heart picked up instantly, like it already knew what was coming.

It didn’t take long.

Cmoe over

You just stared at it. Two words, sloppy with haste, and yet they sent your pulse wild. You could almost hear his voice behind them. That low, easy drawl.

You knew what this was. Or at least, you thought you did.

You were aware, distantly, that it was probably a bad idea. You had a history. A messy one. But it had been good too. Electric. Addictive. Full of excitement. Maybe now, with time and distance, you could actually keep things simple.

You’d been trying so hard to feel normal again after your breakup. To remember what it felt like to want something without it meaning too much. Noel was familiar. Safe, in his own way. And if you both wanted the same thing…well. Maybe it didn’t have to be complicated.

After all, the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else, right?

You typed back before you could stop yourself.

Ok.

A few minutes later, his next message popped up.

Cars on its way

​​Your pulse jumped. You suddenly had ten minutes, maybe less, to look presentable. You darted around your flat, tossing off your oversized tee to pull on something that felt a little sexier. You touched up your makeup in the mirror and spritzed perfume at your wrists, your throat.

Then you waited.

It was nearing 1 am when you finally knocked on his door. The night air was cold enough to raise goosebumps along your arms. You shifted from foot to foot, nerves buzzing until the door swung open.

He stood there, shirt rumpled, hair mussed, eyes heavy from drink.

“Hi,” you said, your voice smaller than you wanted it to be.

He blinked slowly, gaze trailing over you before stepping aside, opening the door wider.

Walking inside felt like stepping straight into something you couldn’t undo. The door clicked shut behind you but you didn’t turn around just yet.

When you faced him again, he was closer than before. The light softened his harsh features, smoothing them into something almost gentle. God, he looked beautiful like this. His shirt was unbuttoned one too many, almost like he tried to take it off but changed his mind halfway through. Your eyes kept drifting. 

For a long moment, neither of you said anything. You watched him, trying to read his expression, but something about him seemed different.

“You okay?” you asked softly, almost afraid to break whatever strange current was between you.

He shrugged, gaze flicking away before landing on you again. “Yeah…just didn’t think you’d actually come.”

You blinked. “You asked me to.”

That earned you the faintest curve of a smile. There, and then gone. 

“Guess I did,” he murmured.

You opened your mouth to ask what this was, but his eyes dropped to your lips, lingering too long. You saw it then. The hesitation. The want. The part of him that knew this was a bad idea but couldn’t stop himself.

He took another step and your breath hitched. 

“Why did you call me here Noel?” you breathed, the words coming out softer, more teasing than you meant.

He let out a short laugh and looked away like he needed a second to steady himself. But then he turned back, and whatever restraint had been there snapped.

His mouth crashed against yours, messy and desperate. His hands found you in the same breath, one gripping your waist, the other threading into your hair to pull you closer.

You should’ve pushed him away. But it felt too good. He felt too good. You kissed him back just as hard, matching him beat for beat. His mouth was hot and urgent, every movement scraping away the thin layer of control you’d been clinging to. You could taste the faint burn of whiskey on his tongue, could feel the warmth of him pressing closer until there was nowhere left to go.

When he finally pulled back, his breath came out uneven, eyes searching yours like he was trying to figure out if he’d made a mistake.

“Been thinking about you for weeks,” he muttered, voice low and wrecked. “Been going mad, really.”

Your stomach flipped at his admission. You weren’t sure if he’d still say that if he was sober.

He leaned in again, lips brushing the corner of your mouth before trailing down your neck. “You looked so fuckin’ pretty sittin’ on my couch,” he murmured, his breath hot against your skin.

You gasped as his teeth grazed your pulse, a tremor running through you.

“Thought you fuckin’ hated me,” he said, voice cracking just slightly against your throat. “But then you show up again. Like fate or somethin’.”

“Noel…” you breathed, though you didn’t know what you meant by it.

Because you didn’t hate him. You could never hate him. But admitting that now would make the moment too heavy. Too real. 

And right now, you didn’t want real. You just wanted release.

Your hands fisted in his shirt, dragging him closer. He sighed against your mouth, low and rough, and the kiss turned messy. 

He pressed you back against the wall, his body crowding yours. He tasted exactly the same as you remembered, maybe better. It flooded through you, pulling up memories you’d long since thought about, the kind that made your stomach twist and your body ache. Heat pooled low in your belly, spreading until every inch of you was alive with it.

His hands moved restlessly, tracing your curves before settling on your hips, then lower. He squeezed, drawing a small, startled sound from you before he shifted, trying to lift you. You caught on instantly, a grin ghosting over your lips as you jumped, wrapping your legs around his waist.

He stumbled a step, both of you breathless, and the little laugh that escaped you made his mouth twitch.

“Don’t laugh at me,” he slurred, breath hot against your lips.

“Of course not,” you murmured, still smiling. Then, quieter, teasing “Old man.”

His grip tightened, a spark flashing in his eyes. “What was that?”

You just gave him a shit eating grin, enjoying riling him up.

“So that’s how it’s gonna be,” he said, voice low, gaze sweeping over you like he was remembering every time you’d pushed his buttons before. The smirk that curved his mouth sent a fresh shiver down your spine. “Alright then.”

He started walking, carrying you through the hall. You clung to him, laughing, until he reached the bedroom. There, you slid down, feet hitting the floor with a soft thud.

You couldn’t help but sneak a peak at your surroundings, taking it all in. He was so private that being in his bedroom felt like you were trespassing on something sacred. A side of him you hadn’t been allowed to see before. The stack of books on his nightside table. A guitar propped in the corner. It felt like a rare invitation into his world. 

You turned, and he was already watching you with a look you couldn’t quite decipher. Hunger, confusion, something darker curling beneath…it made your pulse stutter. You didn’t even think. Your hand found his, fingers threading together, and you tugged him toward you.

The kiss that followed was slower this time. Deeper. It wasn’t the frantic collision from earlier, it was drawn out. Indulgent. You guided him back until his knees hit the edge of the mattress, and he sank down, pulling you with him. You ended up sprawled over him, one leg between his, your weight pressed into his chest. Every point of contact sparked something electric.

Being here, in his space, surrounded by his scent and warmth, it was dizzying. You trailed your lips across his mouth, his jaw, down his throat, pausing to press a kiss to the soft skin at the base of his neck. He let out a quiet, ragged sound that sent a shiver down your spine, lighting something alive and reckless deep inside you.

You wanted more of that. More of him.

You tangled your fingers in his hair, tugging gently, and that was all it took for him to move. His hips shifted, grinding up into you. A smirk tugged at your lips as you felt the unmistakable hardness now pressing against you insistently. You rolled your hips in response, just enough to draw a low sound from his throat.

Your hand slid lower, slipping between your bodies to ghost over the taut fabric of his jeans. You traced the outline of him, teasing with the heel of your palm, pausing at the tip to press just enough to make him inhale sharply. He stared up at you, mouth slightly parted, pupils blown, lips swollen and glistening. He shifted for relief, but you pulled away, and his low groan of frustration made you smirk even more. 

“Still a tease I see,” he murmured under his breath.

You tilted your head. “What was that?”

Your fingers brushed his zipper, just enough to make him tense.

He went quiet, eyes locked on yours.

You smiled. “I could be much, much worse, Noel.”

You began undoing it deliberately slow, much to his dissatisfaction. Peeling back the fabric, you let the sight of him in his boxers sink in. A bolt of heat shot through you. You’d almost forgotten. Bigger than your ex a savage little voice in your head chimed. You smirked at the thought and traced him through the soft material, savoring the small sounds he made. 

Finally, you freed him, pulling down the last barrier. He let out a long, relieved sigh, his cock bobbing upward in your direction, flushed and thick. 

You nearly moaned at the sight. Oh how you’d missed his cock. You studied the prominent vein running along the underside that now matched the one on his temple. It was flushed a heavy shade of pink that made you ache with the need to kiss it. You suddenly realized how warm you were and reached to pull your own shirt over your head.

“Beautiful,” he breathed, chest rising and falling steadily, eyes fixed on you.

Your eyes shot up, meeting his gaze, cheeks warming.

“Shut up,” you said bashfully, reaching to unhook your bra. 

Your breasts spilled forward, nipples peaking in the cool air of his bedroom. His eyes darkened, lips parting as he caught the bottom one between his teeth. The sight sent a rush through you. You had a sudden, overwhelming need to feel that lip beneath your own.

Leaning back over him, careful not to touch him yet, you pressed your mouth to his again. He opened instantly, lips soft against yours, letting you suck his bottom lip into your mouth, tongue flicking over it.

He shifted beneath you, seeking more friction. The head of his cock brushed lightly against your stomach and a small, pleading noise escaped him. He tried again, but you pulled back.

“Told you,” you whispered.

His exhale was heavy, strained, like he was already losing patience. You smirked and slid down between his legs, leveling yourself with him. You met his eyes, making sure they were focused on you, and then you finally touched him.

Your lips met the base of his cock first, soft and warm, before your tongue glided over the length. The heat, the hardness, the pulse beneath your lips made your own body hum with arousal. He let out a long groan above you, like he’d been holding onto it for too long. The sound shot straight through you, spurring you on. 

You teased him slowly, tongue tracing the vein along the underside lovingly. You savored the little shivers he couldn’t hide. Each gasp, each jerk beneath you, fueled your own desire.

When you reached the tip, your tongue flicked lightly over the frenulum, and he jerked involuntarily, a sharp gasp breaking from him. The sound sent another jolt straight to your core.

Your hand gripped him at the base, steadying him as he shifted beneath you. He opened his eyes just enough to take you in, to see you poised over him, lips hovering over the now leaking head of his cock.

Slowly, you wrapped your lips around him, flicking your tongue over the slit. His head fell back with a cry, and you repeated the motion, dragging your saliva down the length of him until he was slick and glistening. Then, you took him fully into your mouth, moaning as the warm, hard weight of him hit the back of your throat.

“Fuck,” he babbled, hand slipping into your hair, gripping lightly.

You doubled down, hollowing your cheeks, bobbing your head in measured rhythm, listening to the throaty moans spilling from him, feeling him twitch and pulse against your lips. You hummed around him just to let him feel the vibrations and his grip tightened, like he was trying to stop himself from thrusting further down your throat. 

Reluctantly, you pulled back with a wet pop, letting him rest against the pillows. You hovered over him, chest rising and falling, until his eyes fluttered open, half-lidded, need written in every line of his face.

Hastily, you shed the rest of your clothes, and nudged him out of his. Heat pooling between you deliciously. You were absolutely soaked, dripping for him in a way that left your thighs slick and quivering.

You repositioned yourself over him, straddling him, and gripped him again, guiding him to your entrance. You both gasped as you dragged him through your wet heat, coating him. The sensation made your head spin. You could hardly believe how perfectly this night had spiraled.

Slowly, you lowered yourself onto him, pressing a hand to his chest to steady yourself. The stretch took your breath away, both unfamiliar and achingly familiar at the same time. You’d nearly forgotten how completely he filled you, how he reached places deep inside that no one else could.

His hands rested at your waist, guiding you as your body adjusted to him.

“Oh my god,” you breathed, finally sinking fully onto him. Sweat began beading at your forehead, and your breath came in short, heated gasps.

You leaned forward to kiss him again, lips locking in a messy, open mouthed frenzy as you began moving. His arms roamed up your back, teeth grazing your neck, and the friction between you sent shivers down your spine. A long, drawn-out moan escaped you as he began matching your movements, each thrust perfectly in sync with yours.

His eyes found yours, burning with a fierce intensity, and he picked up the pace, fucking into you in earnest. His arms wrapped around you, anchoring you as small, guttural noises spilled from him with every thrust. Your forehead pressed to his as pleasure radiated from your core up through your spine, every nerve alight with sensation.

Your lips found the vein in his temple, kissing it reverently as his hands gripped your ass, pulling you closer and giving his thrusts more force. Your body burned with a bliss so sharp it left you dizzy, lost entirely in the rhythm of him. The sound of skin on skin, his low groans, and the heat pooling deep inside you.

Suddenly he was gone, flipping you onto your side. He settled in beside you, lips finding yours again as he positioned himself and slid back inside. The new angle was pure ecstasy, every movement hitting deeper. He leaned over you, his chest pressing against your back as your head lolled. The moans spilling from you were uncontrollable now.

Your hand cupped his jaw as he kept up a steady, punishing pace, each thrust sending sparks through your body. The eye contact was intense, even through the haze of bliss. 

Then, without warning, two of his fingers found your mouth, gently sliding past your lips, and then his hand drifted down to toy expertly with your clit. Your back arched, pressing into him, riding every movement as he drove you higher and higher.

“Noel…fuck, I’m so close. Don’t stop,” you gasped, breath ragged and shaky.

Through your haze of pleasure, you swore you saw a flicker of a smile cross his face. His fingers accelerated, his hand moving with precision, while the other cradled your head, steadying you as he drove into you ruthlessly.

“Fuck…fuck…yes…oh my god,” you babbled, body tightening, gripping him as if you could fuse your flesh together.

“Go on,” he breathed, grinding into that spot deep inside of you. “Let go.”

That was it. Your body convulsed, spasming around him, waves of pleasure exploding through you so intense your vision nearly whited out. 

He choked on a groan, pressing his damp forehead against your neck as he buried himself deep inside you, his body trembling as he shattered inside you. He breathed incoherent words into your skin as he rode it out, soft whines edged on each syllable.

He moved through the aftershocks in slow, uneven waves, until he finally stilled. The weight of him settled over you, solid and heavy, the two of you caught in that strange, suspended quiet that follows something too intense to name.

When he lifted his head, his mouth found yours again. Just a soft press of your lips. You opened your eyes and met his, both of you a little dazed. He gave a small, incredulous laugh, brushing a thumb along your jaw.

“That was…”

You smiled, breath still shallow, your pulse thrumming against his fingertips. “Yeah,” you managed, your voice a whisper. “I know.”

It became a thing without either of you meaning it to. 

The second time started with a thinly veiled invitation for post-gig drinks and ended, inevitably, in his bed.

The third time, it was you who texted first. It had been a bit strange, having him in your tiny flat. Like he was too big to be contained there. 

You’d stared at your phone for a long time before sending the message. It felt like it might mean something if it came from you. But you’d had a long, exhausting day and all you really wanted was a good fuck. And he delivered. Multiple times. 

After that you stopped counting.

You told yourself it was freedom. That this is how it should’ve been all along. Living scot-free, no strings, no questions. Because it felt good. So good. And you were having fun.

Even though you still kept the shirt he’d lent you. Even though you knew exactly how he liked his tea after so many mornings spent together.

That didn’t mean anything. You didn’t need to put a label on it. You could see other people. You just…didn’t. Not when the best sex of your life was just a text away.

Even when he wasn’t around, locked away in the studio or off at some fancy industry event, you still found yourself texting him. A scandalous photo here, a filthy message there. It was too much fun not to.

Especially after his reaction the first time.

You’d been bored and half-drunk on a lonely evening, restless and a bit needy. He was away in Manchester for some radio thing and the thought hit you before you’d even lifted yourself off the couch. You’d just bought a new bra that week on a whim and suddenly it felt like it was made just for him.

You mussed up your hair, slipped on the bra, and snapped a few photos in the mirror. The good kind. The kind you knew would get a reaction. Then you sent them.

new bra. what do you think?

You waited, smirking at your reflection. A few minutes later, your phone buzzed.

Fucking hell i just opened that in public 

You grinned. He was so clueless when it came to things like this.

but it’s cute, no?

Yes.

You frowned at the screen, a little disappointed. You’d been hoping for more. A tease. A command. Something.

But then your phone started to ring.

His voice sounded muffled, half-drowned beneath the noise around him. “Are you still wearing it?”

Your stomach dropped at the low timbre of his voice, like he was trying, and failing, to mask how affected he was.

“Mhm,” you murmured, lips curling. “Too bad I don’t have matching panties or I’d be wearing them too.”

He swore quietly, the kind of sound that made you bite back a grin.

“Where are you?” he asked. “I can send a car.”

You leaned back against your sheets, enjoying this far too much. “No, it's too far. Plus I’m nice and comfy here.”

He exhaled a rough breath, and you swore you could feel the heat of it tickling your cheek through the phone.

“Fine. Stay there. But I’m calling you in a few hours when I’m back in the hotel,” he warned.

“But what if I don’t have a few hours?” you teased, drawing out a high-pitched breath heavy with suggestion.

“Fuck…don’t do this to me. Now I’m getting hard in public.”

“Send a picture,” you said, the words almost daring him.

He let out a mocking laugh and then hung up.

You lay there, suddenly feeling cold despite the flush crawling through your body, even more turned on than before. A few minutes later, your phone buzzed again.

It was Noel. More specifically, a picture of Noel. He was clearly in a stall, pants pulled down just enough for his cock to spring free.

Your breath caught in your chest, heat flooding back instantly. Beneath the image, a single message:

Here. Wait for me. I’ll call you later. 

You lay back against the sheets, every nerve screaming with want. The cold air on your skin did nothing to calm the heat coiling low in your stomach. Your phone glowed beside you, the image of him, cock hard, veined, impossibly perfect, burning itself into your mind.

Later, when he called, it had been pure filth, his voice low in your ear, coaxing you through every touch while he got himself off. The memory of it still echoed in your head, impossible to forget.

You’d ended the call with promises of what you’d do to each other the second he was near. And the next time you saw each other, it was animalistic. You’d gone at it for hours. He’d whispered things in your ear that you wouldn’t dare say aloud, and you loved every second of it.

After that, it just…kept happening. The two of you phoning each other up, falling into each other's beds. It was a dangerous mix of lust and friendship. You’d giggle, tease, joke with one another. And then he’d fuck you so hard you couldn’t walk straight. It was months of pure bliss.

And still, in between, there were moments that almost felt tender. He’d pull you close afterward, tucking you against his chest, the scent of his skin and sheets wrapping around you. You liked being there. Liked being the center of his attention. He was rare. Someone who made you feel lucky just to be wanted by him. 

But that was all it could be. 

One morning, you woke to find him perched on the edge of the bed, guitar in hand, wearing nothing but his boxers, strumming something light and sweet. You stayed still, watching, before finally moving, curling yourself against him and pressing a soft kiss to the base of his neck.

He’d smiled and pulled you into his lap, sliding the guitar into your hands and wrapping his arms around you. His fingers guided yours over the strings, correcting notes with a quiet laugh and a nudge here and there. You fumbled, hitting a discordant chord, when he leaned closer, brushing against you, his breath warm.

That had been a good morning. Sweet. Almost domestic. But the impromptu guitar lesson hadn’t lasted long. You’d felt him growing hard beneath you as you sat curled in his lap and it had quickly devolved from there. 

Then there was a lull. Not an intentional one. Life just got in the way. 

You met someone in a pub and took him home. It’d been good. A spur of the moment thing. Something to fill the quiet. He’d scribbled his number down before leaving your flat with a kiss that didn’t mean much.

You hadn’t planned it, but two days later, Noel called. And of course, you went. You always went.

It started the way it always did, the two of you tangled up on his bed, already half naked. But then his eyes flicked down to your collarbone, catching the faint marks blooming along your neck.

“Did I do that?” he murmured, pausing mid-kiss.

“Hm? Oh…um, no,” you said lightly, trying to brush it off.

He stilled. “Who did?”

“Why, you jealous?” you teased, light but testing, because part of you wanted to know.

He exhaled sharply through his nose. “No.”

But it didn’t sound convincing. 

You shifted uncomfortably for a moment, debating if you should say something. That you weren’t exclusive. That it had just been a one-night thing. That he didn’t really have the right to be angry. But you didn’t. The two of you never talked about things like that. That was the magic of this whole…thing.

But before you could say anything else, his lips were on yours again, rougher this time. The change was instant. His hands, once teasing and light, tightened around your waist, pulling you flush against him. His chest pressed into yours like he needed to erase whatever had been there before him.

He didn’t say a word but he didn’t need to. His touches spoke for him.

You shivered, half from the thrill, half from the tension that simmered beneath his skin. Then he thrust against you, and a sharp gasp caught in your throat. The heat between you spiked and a quiet possessiveness hung in the air, unspoken but undeniable.

It felt like too much, too intense, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away. Not when every movement seemed to demand your attention, to pull you deeper.

He drew back just enough for you to catch your breath before finding your mouth again, his kisses hot and unrelenting. His tongue traced yours while his hands roamed. One slid down to your thighs, pushing them apart. His fingers brushing the front of your underwear, sending shivers through you.

You arched toward him, craving more. He let out a dark laugh against your throat, pressing harder, and it sent a shiver down your spine.

Then he shifted, moving lower to kiss up your inner thigh. His fingers dug into your hips as he pulled you against him. When he reached your underwear, the tip of his nose brushed against your clit through the fabric. You gasped, twitching against him, and he smirked.

Suddenly you were on your stomach. He tore your underwear down in one swift motion and pressed himself flush against you, hard and aching. Then his arm circled your stomach and he pulled you up, bending you to his will. Your heart pounded wildly as he teased your entrance. When he finally sank in, you let out a throaty moan, like all the air had been knocked out of you. 

He began moving with ferocity. Every movement carried a weight that went beyond need, as if he was trying to leave some invisible mark, to remind you that he was still there, still the one who could make you feel like this. 

You gasped, fingers twisting in the sheets, your body caught between shock and surrender. Skin slapping against skin. His grunts filled the room as your mind spun in a haze of pleasure. He slid deep, finding that perfect spot over and over, making your body writhe and tremble uncontrollably.

“God, you feel…,” he rasped, voice rougher than usual. You could hear it, feel it, the way it cracked just for a heartbeat. There was a flash of something there. Something he was trying hard not to say.

Your body jerked with him, pushing back to meet his thrusts as he drove into you again and again.

“Fuck…fuck, Noel,” you whined. 

He swore, pressing harder. Moans tore from you as pleasure and his intensity collided, filling you completely. He leaned over, one hand gripping the base of your throat lightly, forcing you to arch your back as anchored his movements.

“I want you all to myself,” he murmured, barely audible. 

Through the haze, you registered his words. For a second, everything inside you stilled. You weren’t sure if he was even aware he said them. His pace didn’t falter once. 

You couldn’t help but wonder, even as your body writhed beneath him, if maybe…maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe it wasn’t just sex talk. Maybe he did want you to himself. And that thought, wild and dizzying, only made the heat between you more unbearable.

Every groan, every thrust, every press of his hips felt like it was stitched with that secret. And it made you ache in ways you weren’t prepared for. Not just with want, but with curiosity, hope, and a flicker of fear.

He fucked into you relentlessly, the words fading into oblivion until you were trembling, screaming at the intensity. 

His hand gripped your neck tighter, anchoring you, pulling you impossibly closer, until you couldn’t tell where you ended and he began.

Then, right at your ear, came the word that undid you. 

“Mine.”

Your heart skipped, mind catching fire. That single word carried more than lust. It was claiming you, staking you, and your core clenched in response.

“Yours,” you breathed, barely aware you’d said it.

He responded by driving into you harder, fingers digging in, hips snapping with more ferocity than before.

You cried out, voice breaking over a groan, feeling yourself unravel as every nerve screamed. That word kept repeating in your head, every press of his body echoing it.

Your climax built impossibly fast, shivering through you, gripping him like you couldn’t let go. He didn’t stop. He rode you through it, hips snapping deep, voice hoarse and broken with need.

“Fuck…yes…,” he gasped, each word pressed against your skin like a claim.

Then it hit you. The full wave of your release crashed over you, your body convulsing around him, trembling as heat, pleasure, and that dangerous thread of something more swept through you. His name tumbled from your lips, desperate and needy. He groaned, following soon after. His body jerked against yours, breath catching like he was trying not to say something he couldn’t take back.

When it was over, he stayed there, chest pressed to your back, breath warm against your skin. You felt his heartbeat steady, calming you even though everything else felt uncertain. He pressed a few soft kisses to your shoulder, tender where moments ago he’d been wild, and you waited.

It was a delicate topic. One that you didn’t feel like broaching. Not after that. He’d have to be the one to mention it. You waited as he pressed more kisses into your spine, your neck. As he dragged you into a shower. You waited for any sign that this meant something to him. That what he said was true. Waited for him to say something. Anything.

But he didn’t.

And that silence spoke louder than anything else could.

A few weeks passed before you heard from him again. Radio silence on his end, though he was never far from your mind. You’d thought about calling him. Pretending nothing had happened. But the idea of sitting around and waiting for him to say something felt too much like history repeating itself. You’d learned your lesson.

When he finally called, he was drunk. Properly drunk. Slurring his words so badly you could barely make sense of them. Still, somehow, he ended up at your door.

He didn’t touch you that night. Didn’t even kiss you. Just stumbled into your room, mumbled something incoherent, and collapsed onto your bed. Into the fancy sheets he’d bought you after complaining yours were “like sandpaper.”

For a moment, you just stood there, unsure what to do with him like this. You knew what this was about but you weren’t going to pry it out of him.

So you did the only thing that felt right. You slid in beside him. 

He turned toward you, curling into you with a small, broken sigh, head resting against your chest. You held him without thinking, fingers drifting through his hair in slow, absent strokes. He didn’t say anything, but there was something desperate in the way he clung to the silence. Like he was afraid that speaking might make everything real.

After a while, his breathing evened out. Something about his weight against you, the warmth of him, the sheer fragility of the moment made your chest ache. Made you hold him just a little bit tighter.

You lay awake long after he’d fallen asleep, listening to the rhythm of his breaths and wondering if he’d remember any of this in the morning. Or if it even mattered.

When you finally drifted off, his arm was still around your waist. And when you woke, the space beside you was cold. He was gone.

And you knew it was over.

A month passed. Then another.

You finally texted the guy from the pub, Josh, and to your surprise, you actually hit it off. He was easy to be around. Uncomplicated. A good distraction.

Still, Noel lingered in little ways. In the Yorkshire tea he kept stocked at your place, in the faint smell of his cologne on your sheets. But you figured he was done with you. You hadn’t heard a word since that night, and the way he’d left made it clear he didn’t want to.

Then, out of the blue, your phone buzzed.

Your stomach dropped when you saw his name, but for an entirely different reason than usual.

“Hello?” you answered, voice tentative.

“Hey,” Noel said. He was slurring his words again. “You busy tonight?”

You exhaled, the ache in your chest sharp and immediate. “Noel, I…kind of started seeing someone.”

Silence. 

“Oh,” he said finally, the single word soaked in something like disappointment before he quickly buried it under his usual nonchalance. “What’s his name?”

“Josh,” you said quietly.

“Josh,” he repeated, the name rolling off his tongue bitterly.

“Yeah. We met at a pub a couple months ago.”

There was another pause. You could almost hear the moment he put it together.

“Right,” he said at last, voice tight. “Well. I suppose you won’t be hearing from me again.”

“Noel—”

But the line clicked dead before you could finish.

You just sat there, phone still pressed to your ear, an uneasy feeling settling in your stomach.

Another month into dating Josh and, on paper, things were perfect.

You went out to dinner, saw movies, wandered hand in hand through the city at night. He was funny, attentive, easy to be around. It was great. It really was.

But something was missing.

You kept waiting for that feeling. The spark. The pull in your chest. When he kissed you. When you slept together. But it never came.

You told yourself to give it time. Another week, maybe two. But the hollow feeling didn’t fade, it grew.

Then one evening, sitting on your couch with the tv humming softly in the background, it hit you.

You were in love with Noel.

Properly. Stupidly. The kind of love that sneaks up on you when you aren’t paying attention. Somewhere between the lazy mornings tangled in his sheets, the smirk he’d try to hide when you made him laugh, and the way he used to press absent kisses to the top of your head. 

You’d fallen for him. Again.

And maybe, just maybe, he’d finally felt it too.

Your breath caught, vision blurring. The tears came before you could stop them. You pressed your palms to your eyes, shaking your head as the realization hit harder.

You’d pushed him away. Pushed your feelings away. For your own self preservation. And now they were bubbling up in full. 

The memory of that phone call replayed in your mind. The hurt he hadn’t quite hidden before hanging up.

A sob slipped out of you then. This was all you’d ever wanted. And now you might’ve already lost him.

Suddenly you were moving, slipping your shoes on, barely thinking. Your body seemed to know before your mind did. You needed to see him. You needed to know.

The night air was cold against your flushed cheeks, but you barely felt it. You walked fast, almost running at times, your heart hammering with every step. By the time you reached his house, you were sweating and out of breath. You hesitated only for a second before knocking.

A minute passed. Then the door creaked open.

Noel stood there. He looked rumpled. Unshaven. The sight of him like that made your chest ache.

“What are you—” he started, but you cut him off before you could lose your nerve.

“Are you in love with me?”

The words hung in the air between you.

He blinked, clearly taken aback. Then, after a moment, he exhaled slowly and stepped aside, opening the door wider.

“Come in,” he murmured.

Once the door closed behind you, your confidence evaporated. The weight of what you’d just done crashed down all at once. Showing up at his doorstep in the middle of the night, demanding answers like some lovesick fool. What a mess.

You could feel the tears coming again, stinging hot behind your eyes, and you swiped at them furiously before they could fall.

He noticed. Of course he did.

“Hey,” he said softly, brow creasing, “did something happen? Did you and Josh—”

“Noel, I need to know,” you interrupted, voice trembling just enough to give you away.

He exhaled again, glancing away, rubbing the back of his neck like he was trying to buy time. Or courage. For a moment, you thought he wouldn’t say anything. That you’d made a mistake.

But then his gaze lifted back to yours and it was clear.

“Yes.”

It landed heavy in your chest, sinking straight to the pit of your stomach. The room seemed to tilt around you.

“I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanna hear,” he said quietly, “but it’s the truth. I’ve thought about calling you a hundred times. Telling you everything, trying to ruin what you’ve got with him. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

Now it’s your turn to look away, your throat tightening.

“Truth is,” he went on, voice low, almost breaking, “I’ve loved you for a long time.”

Your head snapped up.

“After that vacation, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I knew I shouldn’t. It felt wrong, holding on to something that only made sense when I was away from the mess my life was in at the time. But I still called you. You came to the studio, and…” He trailed off, jaw tightening at the memory.

You shut your eyes, the image rushing back.

“But you were right,” he said softly. “We couldn’t keep doing it. So I tried to let you go. God knows I tried. But that’s when I figured it out.” His voice cracked slightly. “I needed to see you again. To explain myself. But you seemed like you hated me and maybe I deserved that. So I let you. It was easier that way. For a while it even started to work.”

He laughed then, a shaky, self deprecating sound, and scrubbed a hand over his face. “But then you stumbled back into my life and things got good. Really good. It got harder to ignore.”

He exhaled sharply, like the words had taken something out of him. “And then I ruined it all.”

“Noel…” Your voice trembled, your chest aching with everything you’d kept buried. “I’m the one who ruined it. I pushed you away. I thought that was what I had to do. And then I went and started dating someone else, trying to replace you and it didn’t work. It couldn’t. Because I love you too.”

His mouth fell open slightly.

“You do?”

You nodded, tears threatening again. “I thought I’d ruined it by falling for you from the start. That I got too caught up, too serious. That you didn’t want that.”

A small, incredulous laugh escaped him. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head with a rueful grin. “Christ,” he muttered. “We really fucked it up, didn’t we?”

You let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah. Completely.”

For a moment, neither of you spoke. Then he stepped closer tentatively, almost shy, and brushed his thumb under your eye, wiping away a stray tear.

His voice dropped, softer now. “I didn’t mean to make you think I didn’t care. I just…I didn’t know how to anymore. After everything. The divorce, the mess I was in—I thought if I kept it casual I wouldn’t drag you down with me.”

You shook your head, wiping at your eyes. “You didn’t. You just made me fall harder.”

That made him laugh again, quiet and a little broken. The sound of it pulled at something deep in your chest.

“Come here,” he murmured.

The second his arms wrapped around you, all the tension you’d been carrying cracked and melted. You buried your face against his chest, breathing him in, feeling his heart beating hard. He held you tightly, like he was afraid to let go this time.

When he kissed you, it wasn’t like before. It wasn’t hunger or habit or the need to forget. It was the truth. Full of everything you’d both been too afraid to say.

And when he touched you, it felt like coming home. Every brush of his hands, every whispered word, stitched together all the pieces that had come undone between you. It felt like the first time all over again, except this time you weren’t wondering what it meant. You knew.

Later, tangled in his sheets, his breath warm against your skin, he whispered it into you. 

I love you.

Once. Then again. And again.

Until the words blurred with the rhythm of your breaths, until they no longer felt like a confession, but a promise.

You closed your eyes, letting the words sink in, letting yourself finally believe them. Because maybe this wasn’t perfect. Maybe it never would be. But it was real. And it was finally yours.