#little confessions

[ngmn2002]

Little Confessions ____________________________________

1) Hmm... We're getting closer to getting ch 103, and I'm still not able to go back & look at chapter 102, all because of that glorious ending. I still didn't get the courage to make "Ch 102: Random thoughts" yet... Maybe I will be able to make it before ch 103 is out... At least I hope so. 2) I'm not so ready to see Tsukasa back. Isn't that funny? I, the person who kept on wishing to see him back, now don't feel ready to see that happen. This new arc feels extreme to me, first chapter into it, in the very first pages, we got to see living Tsukasa? For real? Some twins' lore? Hanako having some memory issues? Second chapter, living Tsukasa proves to be ahead of things and to be a 'cat' that should be taken seriously (now I see why we weren't supposed to see him before, at least at this age... I'm excited to see the face & actions of Tsukasa from the tanabata festival now. I don't believe he was only a hramless kitty playing katanuki, sorry) Now, following this line of thought, seeing Tsukasa from the past being this capable with things, then... that makes his present self far more 'dangerous'. Especially lately, since present Tsukasa seems to be... extra confident and pleased with how things are going so far. Which makes me wonder... What is he up to? What does he have in mind? He must have a huge plan in motion right now. If his past self is 'dangerous', then he is extra 'dangerous'. And thus, I have mixed feelings about Tsukasa coming back. I look forward to it, but I feel it will be mind-blowing, I'm worried that would be too much for me to handle.

[futurewriter2000]

Journaling

I pushed my feelings further into the depth of the unknown. I pushed them hard and consistently down until I could sit on the lid, still trying to hold them away. It was torturous convincing myself something that was obviously not even slightly true in the real world. My dreams kept telling me I was lying to myself. The signs, the messages, the words people kept telling me that I was deep in for you.

I didn't believe them. I told myself that you rejected me. I told myself I was okay with that. I told myself we could always be friends, best friends... I told myself lies that were a good way to cope with the pain inside my chest. I should have known I was hurt when I started going back to my old ways of plotting how to hurt you back. I knew that was wrong. I knew I was over-giving to you. I knew I was giving you more attention than you deserved. I knew everything yet I acted so blind upon it. Upon all of it.

Until I saw you that day. I didn't see you on the way in but I heard you as I was going out. I smiled to myself to the sound of your voice. I should have known that that was another sign. Though I had no time to think, since I had already had a rough day. I only passed you to say hi but the way you looked, stood, appeared... I had to stop. I tried to make a conversation and you were talking back yet all I kept doing was not listening to you but watching your dirty hair that fell so wonderfully to the side of your head. I saw your eyes that watched me, your dark blue shirt that you had never worn before but if you ever did, then you did it under a hoodie. And that brown jacket... that brown jacket that suited your face, your body, your hair and your eyes. That brown jacket of yours that made me want to kiss your plump lips or just pull you close to me.

But you said it... that you cannot be with me and I have to accept that. I told myself that all I do feel towards you is immense sexual attraction and attachment. I know I could never be with you. I know that and I don't think I want to but there are moments when I forget about my thoughts and decisions... all I see is you...

Today I learned how much I knew about you. I saw that sweater and I knew you would love it but if only it wasn't pink. You'd hate the colour and you had told me yourself. Then I realised how much you knew me, by telling me what I was already planning to buy you. The smile on my face as I texted you... another sign. Sign after sign after sign and I'm still acting blind.

I keep telling myself to let you go. To stop obsessing, stop thinking, stop feeling these unnecessary feelings and just distance myself away from you... but if I do that than I feel like I'm going to die-

-but sometimes you have to die to be reborn. There are always blossoms in spring after the death of cold winters.

[aleksandramstrand]

Something about love

Creí que había ido a la luna para quedarme. Los cráteres aparentaban ser un excelente lugar para apoltronarse y verlo todo desde un ángulo que nunca nadie había explorado antes. Era joven y soñador, decía que viviría de mis fantasías y que con ellas mi vida sería plena.

Cuando recogí las flores de mi jardín argénteo, todo era hermoso, adecuado. Los pétalos probaban la veracidad de mi proposición. Volvía a ellas siempre que quería vanagloriarme, una tras otra. Nunca fui tan prolífico que cuando mi cabello era tan indomable como mi espíritu.

Revoltoso como un cachorro, siempre me gustó la esencia de la tierra húmeda, como si nunca hubiera envejecido.

Y ahora es como si nunca hubiera rejuvenecido.

Hablé por hablar, pero sabía que había algo deseo y cohesión dispersos en lo que afirmaba. Mi vida, el otoño indulgente y la abscisión como contrapeso, pero yo nunca aprendí a perder, menos cuando desconocía el contenido del derroche.

Y así amé, intermitentemente, como hacer los deberes en el recreo. Decidí que la luna era mi lugar, pero no más el suyo, por lo que corté el jardín: no más pétalos molestos que cuidar, no más primor que imprimir. Era una condena autoimpuesta. Nunca me reconcilié con la soledad, pero sus migajas eran más dulces que las del amor. Y en este mundo de apariencias, donde el revestimiento más que una carta de presentación es, en realidad, un adelanto de lo que te deparará la desesperación, trasciende todas las prioridades.

Tal vez nunca conoceré lo que es amar de verdad, pero al menos hay un lugar donde soy bienvenido, un lugar en el que realmente quiero ser bienvenido.

[cutesy-kyungsoo]

I see cute gym manager almost everyday and he’s so little and cute yall. I can’t stand it lol.

[allyslittlespace]

Little Confession #2

The only time I feel happy is when I’m in little space. All the other time I just want to die.

[allyslittlespace]

Little Confession #1

The only time I ever feel pretty or cute or beautiful is when I’m in little space. It’s also part of why I regress because I’m always so exhausted and sad from hating the way I look while being big so being little takes away that feeling.