hi there! so on your answer to someone saying korra isn’t pan she’s bi i loved how respectful your response was! but i also have a question, i myself identify as bisexual so i’m attracted to all genders, and i’ve always been a bit confused about what the difference is between pan and bi. for so long i thought it was just about which term people are more comfortable saying, but i realize now it’s in fact different but i don’t understand how?
Hey! Thank you for your ask! I'm glad to encourage this conversation and give my personal insight. I'm also aware there's some tension on the subject, I was lucky enough to experience my queer journey in a very open minded and accepting environment, so I can only hope to give that back as much as I can.
As I say this, I want to stress the fact that I talk about my personal experience and perception, and maybe borrow a bit from my close friends. So I encourage everyone who reads to take what I say as the words of a friend and not an expert. But I find comparing experiences is a very important thing to do, so I'm glad to give my contribution.
I am planning to write a semi serious post on the Pan and Bi difference subject very soon, so if you want you can stay tuned for that. But I'll take this chance to make a premise about something I consider very important whenever we approach the sensitive subject of sexuality and its labeling.
"Bisexuality is attraction to all genders, Pansexuality is attraction regardless of the gender" this is my favorite and fastest way to explain my sexuality when I talk about it. In its semplicity I think it captures what to me is the main difference between the two. And it usually does the trick. In these days I feel it's a good idea to add that both of them are not trans exclusionary.
Now, even I think that's a subtle shade of meaning, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be addressed. As an artist, I love a good similitude, so let's go back to basics: If I were to ask you to immagine the color Red and I were to do the same, there's a very good chance we'd picture a different shade of Red, and yet we could easily still communicate about the concept of the color Red. We both know what Red is, even if we experience it in a different way.
Let's say Bisexuality is Red and Pansexuality is Orange. Similar shades and yet most of the time we're able to tell the difference. Though its not unusual to find ourself in Coral, Scarlet and Vermillion, where it gets harder to draw the line between Red and Orange. Now colors are a relatively easier concept to work on. Immagine how exponentially harder it is to do this with complicated topics as sexuality and gender identity.
My wish for the community is for us to get comfortable with this ambiguous and transitioning shades, especially because everyone's path is different and ongoing. That's why I try to listen and value everyone's experience, that helps me understand and grow. It helps me shape a better idea of Red and Orange, and it gets easier for me to tell them a part.
Doesn't mean it always makes it easier for me to explain them to someone else. Though, as you can see, I always try my best. And even when I find myself in a place where I don't understand completely, I strive to reach that common ground, check my own limits in understanding and respect the differences. Mostly because if I don't practice this inside of the community, it becomes even harder when I have to face that even worst confrontation with the rest of the world.
I said I used to identify as Bi, I shifted to Pan because it felt closer to what I experienced. Still, when I first entered a new work environment, I used to describe my self as Bi when it came up, because it was easier for others to understand, especially in early conversations. I have friends who use the terms almost interchangeably. And I have Bi friends who think Pan just won't fit. I have friends who use Bi for sentimental reasons.
I belive all of these are many other are good reasons for them to be Pan or Bi. And first and foremost I respect the fact that they see a difference and that's important for them. I know they do the same for me, even if sometimes I'm not super good at explaining what it is.
It's very easy to find contradiction in the ways we express ourselves, we're not perfect, we're all different. To me the best way to avoid conflict is exploring and cherishing our differences, and leaning on all the things we share.
