#lizmod

[gingerleslie]

{ iMMMMM BACK!!!! FROM AN UNNANOUNCED HIATUS!! <3333 hello friends im home } @not-an-enviable-shift @musesofhorror

[binary-or-naw]

Hey, I have felt mostly like a boy for probably 4 months (I was born a girl) but I have little to no dysphoria, is that something that can happen? It makes me nervous that I may be Cis and just confused, but at the same time I really don't think so

Certainly! I don’t have much dysphoria either, and I had the same worries when I first self-identified. Not being dysphoric doesn’t exclude you from being trans.

~ Liz

[binary-or-naw]

Sorry about the spam posts, everyone. I don’t know how the offending app got connected to the blog, but I’ve taken it off

~ Liz

[binary-or-naw]

How do people know they're trans if they don't present as that gender?

This question is worded kind of ambiguously, but I’m going to assume ‘people’ means ‘other people.’ The short answer is that there isn’t any way to know. For this reason, I either ask new people I meet what their pronouns are, or just refer to them with they/them pronouns until told otherwise.

~ Liz

I’m going to chime in here with an answer to the other way this question can be interpreted: how can trans people know that they’re trans if they don’t present as that gender? For example, how did I know I was a guy when I still presented as a girl?

A lot of times, it’s a general feeling of discomfort, ranging from mild to severe, about presenting as their assigned birth gender. Things like being called certain pronouns or referred to by a certain name just feel wrong, which triggers a lot of people to try and figure out why. If you start looking that kind of stuff online, you’ll eventually come up with trans resources, and that’s usually when people start to think, “Hey, maybe this is what I am.” That’s not always how people know, of course, but that’s one of the more common narratives I’ve seen from trans people these days.

-Aaron

[binary-or-naw]

I was just diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome which is a long complicated thing but I guess I've always had high levels of testosterone because of it but now the treatment is to basically put me on HRT for female hormones. I don't know if the reason I feel like a guy is because of this syndrome or if I actually identify as one. I'm not out to anyone but if I don't say anything I could basically transition to being a female. I don't know what to do and it's a lot of advice to ask but pls

I’m sorry to hear this :-( My mother has a similar condition, although I don’t believe it’s polycystic, so I have an idea of how painful it can be.

I have to say, your physical health is in all cases a priority over transition. I would ask your doctor if there are any alternate methods of treatment. From the research I’ve done it seems likely that what your doctor will prescribe are simply birth control pills, which do contain estrogen and progesterone. This definitely isn’t the same as an HRT regimen for feminine transition! There’s absolutely no need to worry about transitioning into a female because of something like this. Depending on your body type, your doctor may also prescribe diabetes medication, but it’s not terribly likely.

As for your identity, I very seriously doubt that this condition has anything to do with that. If it was me in your situation (except reversed, i.e. I would be going on some kind of androgen treatment), then I would take it in a heartbeat. 

~ Liz

[binary-or-naw]

Hey, I'm thinking about coming out to my mom soon, but I don't know where to start. I feel male, feme, and "other" in varying amounts. Trigenderfluid. She's very supportive of me and the LGBT+ community, which is why I feel comfortable coming out, but she's still very binary-minded and she certainly doesn't know about fluidity in gender. I guess I'm asking for both some general coming out advice and some more specific to my gender. You can answer this private or public. Whichever. Thanks! -Andy

Hiya! Sorry for taking so long to reach out to you, we’ll be back up through the backed up asks soon. With any luck, your problem has already been solved, but if not, here we go:

I think you’re in a great standing, and don’t really have much to worry about. So long as you’re patient with your explanation, it sounds like she’ll come around eventually. You’ll probably have the hardest time explaining your ‘other’ gender, so I would start by trying to relate it to the idea of androgyny (whether or not that’s how you actually feel; this is just a starting point). Best of luck to you!

~ Liz

[binary-or-naw]

My friends are always wondering if I'm trans, and for the longest time I thought they were crazy. But I look in the mirror sometimes and I feel so unsatisfied. It's like I've been registering myself as a guy this whole time without realizing it, and I'm just now seeing that I don't like looking like a girl. My parents and many of my friends are very religious and I'm terrified of this realization. Is transitioning worth losing people I love, or should I stay the way I am to stay safe?

This is a very tough question, and it’ll really and truly come down to what you decide. In my experience, ‘very religious’ people tend to fall into two major categories (keep in mind I’m being super duper general here): zealots and moderates. The ‘zealot’ type of very religious people are more focused on foisting their ideologies onto other people, while the ‘moderate’ types are more interested in being good people. In a very general way, zealot types tend not to be the kinds of people you want to hang out with in the first place. It’s always worth it to take some time to reexamine your current friendships and relationships to see if they’re still worth maintaining. Those friends who have been wondering about you being trans are probably pretty alright.

For a good, albeit overly dramatic example of this sort of situation, read the most recent chapter of a webcomic called “Dumbing of Age” (general warning for explicit content, including guns, sexual imagery, profanity, and violence, but nothing terribly excessive). That chapter focuses on a girl being confronted with the difference in ideology between herself entering college for the first time, and the radical parents she left behind.

Although it sounds kind of lousy, if lists are the sort of thing that work for you, then making a pros vs cons kind of chart might help you to at least organize your thoughts. It’s mostly impossible to try and assign a specific value to something like self-image, or friendship, it can be a useful tool. I hope some of this can help you out!

~ Liz

[binary-or-naw]

I've been binding for about half a year now and it's been helping quite a lot with my chest dysphoria but I still can't get over whether I want to fully transition or just get top surgery (if that's even possible without T), that on top of my slew of internal medical issues and depression I can't seem to tell whether this dysphoria is based on my self loathing or an actual want to be male. I'm 18, afab, and in the closet save my boyfriend who is supportive but hasn't caught the drift yet (1/2)

Is there any way to help figure out what’s truly going on without hashing out money to see a psychologist? I can barely afford treatments for my Chron’s but doing a full transition on top of law school could be even worse. Any suggestions on what to do to feel less confused while neck deep in the (imo) most ignorant city in AZ? (2/2)

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While the other mods can put in more information for you regarding binding and the other transmasculine aspects of your question (this being on reason why I am posting this rather than replying privately), I can safely say a few things.

Any medical complications are….. well, going to be complicated, when it comes to both surgery and going on testosterone. I don’t want you to take this as me being rude, but there is absolutely no safe way to go about that without seeing a doctor. Hormones and surgeries are nothing to mess around with. 

Try and get in with some of your campus organizations, I’d be extremely surprised if there are no LGBT groups on campus. As well as those, on my campus, we have a program called CAPS, Counseling And Psychological Services which are all free to me as a student. Just look and see what there is to see for you, really.

I personally believe that it’s important to be very up-front in my relationships, but obviously it’s your relationship that we’re talking about, so you have to make that call entirely on your own.

I hope some of this helps, and that the other mods can help too!

~ Liz

Other mod here with some friendly transmasculine advice!

Speaking from experience, it’s likely that your dysphoria is making your depression and self-loathing worse, not the other way around. If you don’t have money to see a psychologist, that’s okay. There might not be other ways to get professional treatment, but you can help yourself by talking to people - maybe your boyfriend, if you are out to him - about how you feel. Sometimes it helps just to get things off your chest, and talking is really all you do with a psychologist anyways. It’s the psychiatrists that can prescribe medication. 

If you do decide that you don’t want to transition with testosterone, I know there are surgeons who will do top surgery without T, but I don’t know of specific ones off the top of my head. Ryan Cassata is the most famous trans guy I know who's gone that route and done surgery without T.

And Liz makes a great point - most campuses have free counseling programs for students along with LGBTQ+ clubs and groups, so looking into those would be a great idea!

-Aaron