#location undetermined

[keepers-guild]

i can’t believe people are still stanning eugene finch after what he did. i SAW him throw a bowling ball at children arranged in a triangle. he didn’t even get them all at once he had to try again and get a spare. and people honestly support him?? just because he’s super hot and can talk to ghosts??? why is no one talking about this? just because it happened in my dream? that makes me a FIRSTHAND WITNESS

Complaint: People supporting Eugene

By: Anonymous

Location: Undetermined

Logged: Yes

Resolved: Yes

Notes: He can do wrong. Besides, even if he did do what you say, I would forgive him. Im so proud he got the spare! Last week I saw him at the Thunder Bowler Society and his first ball didnt even reach the pins. It took him so many tries that eventually they gave him an extra round for free. He's already grown so much...

-Eugene's #7526831 fan

[keepers-guild]

Hey so I just hired a mouse to work at my bakery, and he asked for a cookie, which sure fine I allow my employees to sample the baked goods (so they can tell everyone how good they are) but now he's asking for a bunch of other stuff? Like napkins and milk and healthcare? Im just not sure what to do cause I feel like if i give in to more of his demands he's just gonna keep demanding stuff of me and soon im gonna run out of cookies

Complaint: Gave a mouse a cookie

By: Anonymous

Location: "my bakery"

Logged: Yes

Resolved: Yes

Notes: You have to give the mouse napkins and milk and healthcare, its union mandated.

[keepers-guild]

i thought midnight alley was supposed to be all cool and friendly but now im sick?? seems unfair. all i did was lick soup off the road but i guess the roads in midnight alley aren’t SAFE.

Complaint: Got sick in Midnight Alley.

By: Anonymous

Location: Undetermined

Logged: Yes

Resolved: Yes

Notes: Please do not lick the road soup.

[keepers-guild]

uh hi, i just got a note that says “it’s pink ponk”? i checked with my neighbors since i assumed it was a keepers guild thing but theirs all say “it’s ping pong”. what happened? why is mine different? is this a secret code?

Complaint: The Wrong note

By: Anonymous

Location: Undetermined

Logged: Yes

Resolved: No

Notes: Will investigate the volunteers that worked on the notes.

[keepers-guild]

anybody want this highly venomous gecko? he’s been my best friend for 15 years but i can’t take care of him anymore due to recently developing an allergy to poison. he’s right here in my briefcase— oh no. uh. nevermind. i guess he left

Complaint: Giving away highly venomous gecko

By: Anonymous

Location: Undetermined

Logged: Yes

Resolved: Yes

Notes: Contacted E.E.T.F.R.O.G. to ask if they know an equivalent group for highly venomous geckos. Sent H.V.G.R.O.G. (Highly Venomous Geckos Rescue Organisation Group) to search for the highly venomous gecko.

[keepers-guild]

is the keeper’s guild taking applications? i tried applying to be a drawtective but apparently they “have enough boyfriends”. not sure if that was a joke or not. i wasn’t applying to be a boyfriend. could i be a keeper’s guild boyfriend? is that an option? i’d settle for mopping.

theres no keepers guild boyfriend option but we are accepting volunteers, paid interns and part timers due to many of the staff going missing. we could use a mopper, actually. uh, not sure how you sign up, im a volunteer so i just showed up. maybe go talk to whoevers working the front desk now.

[keepers-guild]

Can we have sidewalk soup

Do not eat anything from the sidewalk at the moment, especially not soup!!! A highly toxic gecko is on the loose and as been spotted frequently on the sidewalks especially near soup. If you see the gecko please report to E.E.T.G.R.O.G. or the Keepers Guild.

[keepers-guild]

I wish I were a fish... :(

Complaint: Not a fish

By: Anonymous

Location: Undetermined

Logged: Yes

Resolved: Yes

Notes: Prayed to Julia to turn anon into a fish.