#complaint unresolved

[keepers-guild]

there's this guy at Ernesto's Earnest Eats who always orders everything off the menu every single time he comes in and holds up the line for like an hour. i suggested making an online order ahead of time to him once so everyone in the restaurant wouldn't have to wait, but he told me that he's too strong to use a phone (????) and that this way is easier. dude please i just want a sandwich

Complaint: Guy holding up the line at Ernesto's

By: Anonymous

Location: Ernesto's Earnest Eats

Logged: Yes

Resolved: No

Notes: Believe it or not, besides people wanting to see two crows interacting, this is by far the most common complaint we see. We've tried everything. That man honestly just can't be stopped.

[keepers-guild]

uh hi, i just got a note that says “it’s pink ponk”? i checked with my neighbors since i assumed it was a keepers guild thing but theirs all say “it’s ping pong”. what happened? why is mine different? is this a secret code?

Complaint: The Wrong note

By: Anonymous

Location: Undetermined

Logged: Yes

Resolved: No

Notes: Will investigate the volunteers that worked on the notes.

[keepers-guild]

when i went to see the new art exhibit i saw the artist talking to a rat (not a problem) but he was being super mean to the rat. can you make him treat rats better

Complaint: Artist mean to rat

By: spikeymagpie

Location: Art Gallery

Logged: Yes

Resolved: No

Notes: Attempted to contact the artist, could not find him. Located the rat and gave him some hot gaspacho instead.

[keepers-guild]

Um. I have a complaint here. I saw this guy across the street from the clocktower as I was coming home from the Ping-Pong Society and he was... pretty. Like, scarily pretty. Like, I was looking at the clock and then I noticed him and then when I glanced back at the clock, exactly ten minutes had passed? And I had no idea I was staring at him for that long? I was fine because I wasn't doing anything anyway, but like, what if I had been in the middle of a heated match of table tennis? I would be doomed! And what if I see this guy again, and we start talking, and we get closer, and suddenly he asks to watch me play table tennis? The people at the PPS already hate me for calling it "table tennis", I can't make them more mad by standing dazed with my jaw open for ten minutes because there's a pretty guy there! Could you put a sign up or something?? Or track that guy down and tell him to stay away from me? You'll know him when you see him, he's the pretty one.

Complaint: Scarily pretty guy steals time

By: Anonymous

Location: Across the street from the Clocktower

Logged: Yes

Resolved: No

Notes: Put a sign up that says "Beware: pretty guy". Sent employees and volunteers to track him down, none of them has returned.

[keepers-guild]

The crows are fighting again

-☆

Complaint: The crows are fighting again

By: ☆

Location: Undetermined

Logged: Yes

Resolved: Yes

Notes: Broadcasted Midnight Alley Alert: The crows are fighting.

[keepers-guild]

The rain pitter-patters at my feet as I speak into the strange box, turning the streets into asphalt soup, the kind of soup that's older than any can of Bambell's. Makes me think of this city's sordid history, how all those bastard penny-pinchers tried to boil this place alive. You give a rich man a grain, he'll take the whole mill... or whatever that saying is. I never was one to mice words, but my ma always said I had a flair for the poetical... whatever that means. Y'see, I'm something of a detective. A lost soul, shaped by nothing but this city and its most rotten flavors, just another bay leaf in the stew. That's me, Detective Al McChowder... but back to the box. It's a large box with an apparatus to speak through, and the word "COMPLAINTS" blazed on top in big neon letters. The culmination of this city's anguish, compiled into one little box like this... it seems laughable. How could anyone ever hope to sort through the broken windows, the trauma, the fella before me who wished they were a fish... whoever may be on the other end must have a soul of steel. Not unlike the soul of this detective here. Heh, I must seem like a fool... a box is my only source of solace in these caseless times of mine. I suppose that's my only "complaint" about this city... y'see, I only want two things in my life and that's a solid case... and maybe, just maybe... a solid friend.

Complaint: Wants a solid case and maybe a solid friend

By: Detective Al McChowder

Location: Undetermined

Logged: Yes

Resolved: No

Notes: i dont know how you sent this complaint, but our physical complaints box has been broken as of about 2 weeks ago and we hope to finish repairs next Sunday. You may have had an encounter with the Taker. If you see a complaint box other than the one by the lamp post and community board in the heart of the alley, gods forbid if you see a complaint box with a functioning neon sign, DO NOT APPROACH. If you suspect you or someone you know have had any Encounters, please report at the Keepers guild.

[keepers-guild]

H-hello? Oh dear, I think I'm actually connected... Here goes nothing, I guess? Oh gosh... O-okay! H-hi, I, uh, ran into someone from the Keeper's Guild earlier? Leo, I think? A-and, I uh, thought you were cool! And nice! And cute! A-and... oh no, um--please disregard that last part--please feel free to call me back, if you'd like to connect, and, uh, bye!!! Oh, no, how do you hang up, oh gosh, oh--wait, did I forget to leave my nam--

Complaint: Undetermined

By: Anonymous

Location: Keeper's Guild

Logged: Yes

Resolved: No

Notes: Leo here, I can't call you back because I don't know your number.

[keepers-guild]

"uhm hi? I dont tend to write a lot because of things im a little scared of. I just wanted to talk about something that puzzles me, I moved here because people told me it was nice and, I needed a nice change in my life and im just very endeared by what ive heard about stuff here.

I just, ive been going through a rough time and i was starting to feel like maybe it was the place??? I always felt down and stuff i dont know. Uhm.. i moved in here and started feeling better despite, despite its things? but i just cant seem to stop sneezing every minute or so and im starting to wonder if im allergic to the ratty friends here. It makes me feel SO BAD and i dont know what to do about it, I dont wanna leave :("

"And despite how, scared i am of just existing anywere seeing other people having fun just makes me feel like im having fun right along.. Even if i can only sit and stare sometimes i just dont wanna leave a place that makes me feel at home without having to try"

Complaint: Potentially allergic to rats.

By: Anonymous

Location: Undetermined

Logged: Yes

Resolved: No

Notes: I am so sorry. I wish we could help. Perhaps hit up the local pharmacy, they might have something that can help.