#lock life

[felsoul]

pet shaming

[clovercrows]

idk if my brain knos u can make frnds w/o falling in lov w them but also idk if my brain knos th dffrnce btwn rly wanna b frnds and developing crush so mb im not actlly crushing on evry1 i wanna b frnds w! who knos deffo not me

[clovercrows]

so like. 6m l8r nd i dont think i actlly was prepped fr the fllout but wtvr ig it’s an on/off cycle of ok to feel bad

unrelated 2 tht tho. i rly dnno where my identity is at rn nd it is strssfl, not 2 mntn im back 2 thnkin i might (genuinely) hav o/c/d, a/d/h/d, p/t/s/d, nd aut/ism nd like. slfdx makes me nrvus bc my brns like “ur just faking 4 attention n ur trivializing the strggles of ppl who actlly hav thos disrdrs”

n its like. but bro i am posting abt this on my blg w no fllwrs, i write abt it in plces ppl r not supposed 2 see

but u kno how brns are ig

[clovercrows]

still don’t kno if my frnd group is like 1 othr person rn or if the others r still on board bc 1 was like “it’s cool but i’m gonna need sum time 2 chill” which is cool nd valid but when their s/o dms me nd deletes the messages b4 i can read them nd i dont hear anythn frm them aftrwrds it’s like. hm. ok i guess just block me if u h8 me so much

also ‘m gettin rly paranoid lately? like. i got in trouble (rightly so) on anthr blog but it was 4 a fandom where the creators r like active on tumblr nd im like. what if the creators sent thos anons or sent ppl 2 send the anons

and ive been having nightmares abt people dogpiling on me whthr or not theyre sent by my old frnds nd idk i just rly feel like the world’s out 2 get me nd i kno better but i can’t stop it

[clovercrows]

o also my frnd group might split nd it’s prtially my fault nd i know i havent been the best frnd nd that sucks bt it’s kinda been a roller coaster of “evrythin’s fine lock no worries we’re wrkin this out itll be ok :)” 2 “u did unfixable dmg and idk if we can evr be friends again” like back 2 back each time nd im like so tired nd confused???

like r we good or do we need 2 stop bein friends??? bc im prepared 2 deal w either outcome but the back n forth of it all is rly stressful for me nd probz not rly helpful to anyone nd id RLY just like 2 get this over w, like if u feel like it’s irreperable ok im rly sorry nd i hope life treats u well nd im sure we’ll all find more frnds who r better 4 us but if u think we can still be friends then like... lets work on it and say frndly stuff again instd of flippin back n forth between cool nd hostile

[clovercrows]

one o my fave artists came out as being bi instd of a lesbian which is like congrats for her!!! im rly happy 4 her, it’s good 2 figure urself out! but that srt of thing always makes me question my identity evn more

which mayb isnt a big deal when i said id try on bein bi here again but it’s still like scary

[clovercrows]

tryin on being bi again on this blog... still unsure if im attracted 2 men nd if it’s just the trauma™ makin me scared or if it’s actually comphet... also im agender but im thinkin i might be like. a stellarian or novarian agender nd i dont think novarian or solarian r really compatible w the lesbian identity so uh yknow

who cares tho ig it’s the new year, great time to intricately contemplate who i am