#lomfontian

[heretherebedork]

The hurt on Tien's face. The absolute agony of realizing that not only is he not chosen but also that the person he loves is soulmates with his brother and that when he was asking him about choosing the last time they were together... that wasn't about him at all.

I want to go back with all of this to how Lomfon wasn't going to tell Tai until he found out Tai was the one who saved him, Tai was the person he considered his first love. And only then did he give in to what he thought was fate and destiny. But he gave in only to be turned down and pushed away and pushed down and Tai left and now he's angry at the world and fate and destiny and all that anger ends up pointed right at Tien because he's there and because he's rude and he's brash and even though Lomfon knows he's more fragile than he lets on... it's hard to remember when you're hurting.

This did not get less painful. Not at all. Not even in the slightest. This is Tien is agony because he's realizing that no one chooses him. That the person he thought might like him in return was in love with his brother and that he was never an option (even though he definitely was, even though he is, but he's never been chosen and now Lomfon has chosen his brother again... like everyone else.)

(I also want to point out that the entire thing with Tien and Lomfon started with Tai taking Lomfon's side in the bookstore and now Lomfon is choosing Tai and Tien is still the one that no one chooses.)

Tien is just hurting so much. He's been watching his brother finally be happy, he's been falling in love with Lomfon, life was so good and then suddenly he's thrust in the middle of this drama where his brother has two soulmates (or none!?) and now everyone can hear in the rain and yet the person who started all of this doesn't know.

And this is why Lomfon reacts so angrily to Tien. Because he was trying to choose between Tai and Tien (I still believe he was, it only makes sense) and instead Tien is pulling Patts in, not himself. Lomfon is trying to figure out what any of the soulmates bit means and Tien is accusing him of only doing this to break them apart when it really, really was about Lomfon's feelings and his own internal confusion... and so he cuts Tien to the core.

Lomfon is lost in this pain. He knows he got rejected by Tai and having Tien accuse him of trying to break up Tai and Patts has lead to anger and nothing else, to unleash this pain on Tien because there's no one else there to put that pain onto except himself and that's too much, he's hurt and he's alone and so many ideas he was holding have shattered, all those hopes and dreams and ideas of fate and destiny and first love and then to be accused of only doing it to break up a couple and destroy their happiness?

It's so perfect because that is not what Lomfom expected at all. It's the last response he expected. Because no one thinks of Tien as this serious. For all the anger and all the bluster and all his rudeness and his brashness.... there is no one as full of care and love and kindness as Tien. He puts up so, so many fronts for the world and only a few get a chance to see beyond it... and even they barely seem to believe it.

Lomfon broke his heart on Tai and then shattered on Tien only he shattered like glass... he's a storm and wind and rain and he blew out a candle and he spread the glass of his pain everywhere not realizing how much he was going to hurt Tien in the process because no one thinks about hurting Tien.

(And Tien is going to abandon their project never week, to leave behind the 'message from the heart' to get away from Lomfon and all the work they've done and all the time they've spent because Lomfon broke his heart and hurt his brother and Lomfon has nothing, he's got nothing, what can he say after this?)

[heretherebedork]

I just...

Tien is the only person in this who never had a soulmate or a mystic connection or a fateful meeting or a moment where he saved someone or a breakdown that left everyone worried for him and protective.

Tien has never had anyone worry just for him for his own sake, never had anyone who looked for him to help him and to comfort him, never had a reason to believe that anyone would always be there for him.

No one saved him without showing their face. No one spoke to him alone in silence. No one waited two years for him. No one sent him notes of comfort and compassion. No one held onto his keychain for years.

Tien has been surrounded by fate, destiny, soulmates and so much more but he is only himself.

Tien is the one who waited on the other side of Tai's door at his first breakdown. Tien is the one who rushed across the city to tell Tai to unfuck his soulmate situation. Tien is the one who took care of Lomfon when he was sick. Tien is the one who went to the film set his friend needed him on.

Tien is the one who is there for others, surrounded by people with big fates and destinies and soulmates, who puts them all before himself again and again.

Even in that last fight, even when he's yelling at Lomfon, his first upset is about Tai and Patts. His first anger is that Lomfon is hurting his brother. Only after Lomfon tells him he has no place there does he remember how hurt he is as himself and express that.

It's just about how Tien has always put himself second and the universe seems to be telling him that he's right. And what else is he going to do but listen?

(He's going to call Lomfon a freak next week but how much pain is he in? Has anyone checked on him? Is anyone worried about him? Doesn't anyone even know how hurt he is? The only person who might know is Lomfon and he isn't going to be telling anyone so Tien is so alone and he's got nothing on his side but himself and I am so broken for this boy in a story about breaking fate and destiny and soulmates who has nothing to break but himself.)

[heretherebedork]

Lomfon instantly taking off after Tien, stopping him from chasing Tai and then listening. Not just listening but understanding what he was saying, listening to him and seeing him in that moment, seeing him upset and breaking and blaming himself and stopping him, again and again, because he knows him now.

But also because this is part of Tien's story. He is surrounded by soulmates. He is surrounded by people who are supposed to have this magic love that never seems to work out for them and here he is. Tien, with no soulmate. Tien, who is watching over his older brother. Tien, protective and young and so, so loving. Tien, scared and screaming. Tien as he never is, serious and shaking with it.

The instant Tien mentioned soulmates, Lomfon let go of him. We know that Lomfon has been in love with Tai for some time despite him having a soulmate and has been rejecting the very idea of soulmates for the whole show. And this is more of that, this instant distance because of the mention.

But he has also started to see Tien. Lomfon is starting to see that Tien isn't just the goofball he presents himself as, the jokester and slacker at school. He's also someone who cares deeply about other people to the point of his own detriment and pain, someone who will put the needs of the people he loves about his own and blame himself for their woes.

Lomfon sees him here. And this is one of the first shots of Lomfon looking at Tien without Tien looking back. Those are new, they're just starting. Lomfon is seeing him, finally, and this time he sees him in a brand new light.

And then Lomfon pulls Tien into his arms. He sees his agony and he doesn't let go. He holds him, reassures him, lets him take what he needs there and stays with him to keep him safe.

Lomfon might not be in love with Tien yet. He probably isn't. But there's something there.

Oh, yeah, and now Lomfon can hear Tai in the rain. Is this new? Because we know Patts can still hear him and that, so far, Tai has only been able to hear Patts. So what does this mean for everyone?

Seriously. What is this going to mean for all of them? From Lomfon to Tai to Tien to Patts... this could mean so many things for everyone from a blatant change in the meaning of soulmates to the redefinition of love for so many people.

How do you define soulmates? How you define love? How do you redefine love as your life changes?

[heretherebedork]

Tien and Lomfon and their hands

[heretherebedork]

I have feelings about Tien and these pictures summarize those feelings because he is chaos and he is rude and he is also a pair of desperate eyes so needy for any kind of affection that even the touch of the right hand can send him spiraling into puppy dog eyes.

And he is going to have his heart entirely broken, torn out of his chest and he's going to watch the person he loves fight for his brother's love and those eyes are going to break my heart.

[heretherebedork]

I am absolutely not okay. Just... nope. Not at all.

Tien's heartbroken expression at the realization that Lomfon is also Tai's soulmate, the way he's falling apart in the rain just staring at him right after Patts punched Lomfon away from Tai.

And then Lomfon. Oh, Lomfon. Lomfon who doesn't believe in soulmates but has suddenly found himself thrust into a world where he should believe and have one and he knows the person and he's liked Tai for ages but now Tien is right there and he doesn't know what he's thinking anymore.

Lomfon has been shaken to the core by hearing their voices in the rain. He's losing himself into this idea, this realization. His world has been turned upside down entirely. But he's also young and he had an obvious crush on Tai and now he's looking at Tien without understanding what he's seeing or what it means because now everything he believed has been flipped.

Tien has spent two years being there for his brother, pushing him to be okay, present and loving and now he's found the start of his own first love only to find out that the first person he falls for, the first person he truly cares about, is his brother's other soulmate and not only only that but he isn't anyone's first choice.

This is going to rip my heart out in all the right ways for a narrative about deconstructing soulmates. Because it's really about the idea that love is a choice and that destiny might confuse you but you still have to make a choice in the end, a choice for love and a choice to care and a choice about who you love and why you love and destiny is not enough to make love work.

Love is a choice. Love is always a choice. Love is built on choices, on trust and joy and being together and listening and talking and communication and all of those choices make love.

Not destiny.

Not voices in the rain.

But choices.

[heretherebedork]

I just cannot get past Tien being outside while everyone else is inside. He's still out there, sitting on a wet bench in the same clothing with wet hair while everyone else has gone inside and changed their clothing and have that comfort.

But it's also about how Tien places himself on the outside.

Even when he yells at Lomfon, it's not about himself until Lomfon makes it about him. It was about Tai and Patts. Not himself.

And he doesn't confess until Lomfon asked him why he was getting involved. Because that was the moment that Tien realized it was like he'd never been there at all.

Tien is outside because he's always been outside and the two people he was the closest two are the two people hurting him the most.

But, let's be honest, for all that Tien has been there for Tai... Tai has never checked on him. Tai has never looked at him or asked him about who he liked or made sure he was okay. Tien has always run to Tai. He's always gone to him, checked on him, been there for him.

No one checks on Tien. No one... until Lomfon. Lomfon was the first person to chase after him, to comfort him, to be there when he broke down and be there for him.

Only now Lomfon told him that none of this was about him.

Just like Tien has always known.

Nothing is about him.

So now he's going to pull back and build those walls and remind himself that he doesn't matter, that he can worry about other people but doesn't get to be worried about.

[heretherebedork]

Can we just talk about how this is one of the first times that Lomfon has looked at Tien? Typically, it's the other way around. Tien looks at Lomfon but Lomfon is looking away. But when Tien's eyes are closed... Lomfon is looking.

(Tien is wearing yellow and green but Lomfon is in all neutrals because Lomfon is still hiding and what he's hiding is something that cannot be because it's not true to himself so his colors cannot be but Tien knows, Tien knows, because love knows.)

Tien might be a floppy drunk but Lomfon is the one who's momentarily gone soft for him, alone with him, in this quiet place he doesn't feel like he belongs.

Seriously. Every time they're alone they fit together so perfectly... it's just that they aren't alone together very often.

Those eyes. Tai is so long for Lomfon and he might be drunk but he's also in love but he's still himself, brusque and quick to speak and to say whatever pops into his head. But he's so quiet in these moments. Lomfon quiets Tien in a way no one else can.

The big brown eyes of it all.

Lomfon might love Tai but he can't hold those eyes or that question because he is starting to see Tien in a new light that he never would have expected.