#lonelydays

[prettyoddbowlcut-blog]

Brendon Urie playing “Lonely Days” by the Bee Gees on the piano.

This is the absolute perfect way to spend a Sunday.

[beautyisinthe-eyeof-thebeholder]

[thoughtsbetweenthewalls]

Life on Repeat in a Single Room

Hello, I’m Mr. Donge. I’m 22, living a very plain and quiet life. I’m not someone people notice, not the attractive or interesting type. I come from a small city, XYZ, where I don’t really have anyone to talk to. Most days feel the same, and the silence in my room feels louder than anything outside.

I’ve decided to start blogging here because I don’t have a place to share what goes on in my head. Maybe my life isn’t exciting, maybe it’s boring to most people, but it’s still my life, and I want to put it into words.

If anyone out there connects with even a small part of this, I hope you stay and read along.

[iambabu]

[relentlesserudition]

yes yes yes more on love again what else is new

today still wrestling the smouldering remains of a protracted and very annoying migraine, i am woozily revising my current obsessions — desire, desire, desire. i need to be touched asap. i need to be held and have someone stroke my skin, enter me, kiss me. i miss miss miss miss miss miss human contact so much it hurts and is driving me a little mad. i’m beginning to do stupid things like confuse loneliness with a shift in my personal politics. i’m beginning to need someone even though i made it clear to myself very long ago that i would no longer engage with people from a need-based place. the remedy for this is perhaps simple: plain human contact. that ought to get my mind feeling a little normal again. there’s a viral screenshot that says we need eight hugs per day to function normally and it makes me think — veracity aside — about how long it’s been since i’ve had eight hugs in total. perhaps july, when B came to take me to the hospital and stayed for a little while. a random aside: in november, the cats will come home to me — B will visit too, and (i hope) stay for a little while. i’m grappling with loneliness as it mixes with heartbreak, which makes the emotions very confusing! very different to perceive. by themselves, as discrete concepts, loneliness and heartbreak are okay to deal with (i think — at any rate, i’ve dealt with them before) but together, they form a strangely coloured alloy, suffused with the glint of other things like guilt. and self doubt. some shade of self loathing too. if i’m not attractive to myself, how can i be attractive to someone else? if i’m not happy with myself, how will someone else supply happiness to me? and if i’m not ready to move on emotionally from extant (and even past) entanglements, what hope is there for me? in the context of these facts, any efforts to tackle loneliness will fail.

what is it about wanting to love and be loved that fundamentally makes you less likely to be loved? the wanting reduces your desirability. in work terms (haha): wanting to be treated reduced your chances of being treated. by myself, normally, i’m a generally okay person to be around. i understand pop culture references. i am kind. but when i’m tired and lonely and need to be loved, i can’t help feeling that i’m reduced to something like a desperate sopping mess. ostensibly, then: holding some amounts of desire is good, but bad beyond a certain extent. what is it about desire that elicits such differential responses?

e.g., in a relationship, one person always holds more power than the other — usually, it is the person who seems to care less, love less. this person has less to lose. herein lies the key, i think. the more loving party often also needs to be loved more. this need makes them fragile (and they are). they have more to lose. unless their love is of the zen variety that is so "pure" that is unaffected by external validation or attention. i am not one of these people yet. i want to feel love and loved. i want someone to convince me — with good reasons! — that they’re into me. i think this is because there’s a lot of hurt that needs to be healed, a lot of childhood rejection that must be addressed before i can be secure in the knowledge of being loved. which makes me think: perhaps i need to be doing the addressing and the healing before introducing yet another person into the fray. perhaps i need to convince myself that i am loved. i am capable. i am deserving. maybe it’s only after that that anyone else will begin to truly matter.

[relentlesserudition]

I’m very lonely these days and i’m going to deal with this by beginning to read translations of books by obscure Japanese authors till I calm tf down

[theguyyoustareat]

Lonely days

Haven’t been this lonely in a very long time, Kinda want that one person to text but when they don’t. You just feel all by yourself and wanna just sit down and not do anything. Won’t lie I've been blessed with many individuals who would pick me up in a snap but I genuinely want her to do it. Tho hours of this pain just makes me wonder is she the one? 

[my-hand-made-tale]

Lovely walk today to clear my head. Back to reality tomorrow 😣 #walk #river #harrispark #cockermouth #lonelydays https://www.instagram.com/p/BJYA39BguzMXmvCNyKG1U6WH7S9gRzfX3y-xqI0/?utm_medium=tumblr