I Put On Varifocals and Immediately Regretted Everything
I knew I needed reading glasses. I'm getting into my middish fifties. It happens right?
So, fine. Acceptable. Welcome to the club of the non squinters. Bring on the ability to read food labels again.
But once I had had my eyes tested and the squintiness confirmed, the optician casually informed me I also need distance glasses AND computer glasses.
Optician: “We recommend varifocals.” Translation: £££££. Me: “Hmm. I'll think about it”
So I bought two already-expensive pairs from the optician, and then — in a moment of wild optimism — ordered varifocals online.
They arrived. I was so excited. I had dreams of becoming a one-pair-of-glasses woman. A streamlined, together, organised version of myself.
And immediately regretted every life choice I’d made up until that point.
I couldn’t see a bloody thing.
The world turned into a funhouse mirror. My head started doing that weird tilt thing. Everything looked like it was sliding off a cliff. I walked across the room with all the grace of Bambi on ice. And the nausea… my god, the nausea.
Here I am — back to having glasses all over the house for the “just in case”…
Just in case I lose a pair.
Just in case I need a pair in the toilet.
A pair (or 3) in my workspace.
Emergency car glovebox glasses but if I put them on I can see distance fine but not the sat nav!!!!).
“Where did I put my glasses so I can find my glasses?” glasses.
Varifocals: 0 Me: also 0, but with significantly more eyewear scattered around the house.
I now own more pairs of glasses than shoes. And I still can’t find any of the s*dding things when I need them.
