#lordlovesme

[roxroxyrox-blog]

in troubled waters

is there a time in your life when felt all you are doing is wrong. or maybe everything you do will turn out to be a wreck. well it happens to me everytime. just like now. i am scheduled to report couple of hours from now, and i barely mastered what i will discuss. i will talk about product strategy, where in marketers are able to evaluate and come up with a perfect strategy based on identifying the wants and needs of the consumers. it was quiet a long chapter and here i am writing about my feeling and not working out on it. whenever i speak in front i am always nervous, well who isnt, i always forgot the key words i am about to say. and i ended up making up examples and whatnot. i always feel that i will fail. i will ruin everything up. that lead me on not making my full effort in preparing for it. i always wanted to be fluent in English. i want to have confidence in the way i speak. i want my sentences to be well-constructed. but i always fail. i dont have any of it. i just wish i get that someday. but now i am in the library, seeing people do their own business and im here, just waiting for something i dont know. God help me. speak through me. i can do this without you. i dont want to do this without you. let me find confidence in you. and help me find the apt words as i speak later. give me the umderstanding and help ma master it. i just love you.

[roxroxyrox-blog]

what am i gonna do

as i check my facebook page, i can see my friends and colleagues post the activities they do, the places they were at, the food they were eating, the experience the have been through. and i wonder, do i have in my life something special going on, where i gonna travel to places and just live free for a moment, will i be doing what i want to do and be worth posting so that people might see it. what is it that is special in me that is worth bragging.

i am currently working for a year and a half now, and studying for about two months, i am single and never in a relationship ever since. i am not a people person, and i used to hangout in my bedroom, or in the living room most of the time, going out is not my thing unless i am with a family member. i have a lots of colleagues, but few friends and i am used of being on my own. in short my life is such an adventure, just kidding.

as i look at my life now, it is not the kind of life a person with want to have. but i have no choice. the thing is that i cant imagine myself to be different. i think i am what i am because i choose to be like what i am. i choose to stay at home, read a book, i choose to not fall in love to have company, i choose to be closeer to my family and not with anybody else. i just love being this way.

but i know this is not gonna end here. God has a plan for me, more than what i think, ask and even imagine. He is right there at work making every detail of my life exactly where it will gonna be.

i will admit, there are times when i get bored and just want to be where i gonna be, but He keeps reminding me to endure patience, we’ll get there.

he always reminds me that it is not the world whom i am pleasing, i do not have to tell the world where i am, what i ate, what i am doing, and where i have been. it is always him and only him whom i will be boasting about. it doesnt matter if the world sees me as boring and uninteresting person, i dont care whether they will accept me or love me the way i am. but i know God loves me no matter what.

what will i do in a he future, where will i go in the future, who will i be with in the future is his business. my business is to obey what ever he want me to do, say, or go.

thank you Lord. i just still cant wait to find out what is waiting for me at the end of this.