perhaps i will be Shot for this but like. idc my friends. perspective below the cut (tw selfship discourse)
xreader and selfshipping are distinctly different activities that are doing something similar at their core.
there is tons of overlap, both in terms of those who enjoy both and the content that comes out of it, but they ARE different. working with a story that anyone is meant to selfship insert into with the Character and that insertable proxy as the focus vs a personal relationship between you (as in You, the self as a person, and not a insertable proxy) is just distinctly different. they are different acts of interfacing with a character. this is not black and white and once again, tons of overlap
i have been writing xreader/in the community since 2020. prior to that, i was deep in ao3 reading xreader since god knows when. the shift toward selfshipping (specifically distinct yumeshipping flavors of it) IS relatively new. the concept of sharing/non-sharing around a character you write for was so incredibly uncommon pre-2023/2024, it was almost non-existent in this sphere. the point of xreader is sharing, both a character and ideas. for me, PERSONALLY, i find this more fulfilling and nourishing (creatively and generally) than selfshipping. i enjoy the centering of a character more than i enjoying centering a character and myself with the character. though i selfship, it is incredibly light-hearted and not serious, especially these days. getting comms is fun, but it is not that deep for me beyond that
kaiser was the first character i Big selfshipped with and this coincided with yumeship flavored selfshipping popularizing in the niche. unlike every other character i fixated on in the past, i struggled to write kaiser in the specific way i've written others in the past (IE jing yuan, dh, hawks, gojo, ETC. all characters i have been very in love with but not Selfshippy in the way that is in style currently). i viewed kaiser and storymaking from the lens of mySelf with kaiser, which was astronomically less compelling to me than creating stories as i have in the past. my inserts have always contained pieces of me, i would hesitate to ever call them ocs, they are versions of myself that i throw the 'you' on but they are not Me. this is the organic way which i have learned to write xreader through both experience and time, but also my xreader upbringing in mha and undertale spaces.
i don't think yume-flavored selfshipping is some big bad thing, but observing the way that it has cannibalized much of the community has been indicative of a Shift. the norms associated with selfshipping at present and xreader are so different from each other. and on a (once again) on a personal level, i simply do not thrive within selfship norms. sharing/non sharing is, to me, conceptually just... silly? like as strong of a feeling as you can have toward a fictional character and you relationship to them, the idea of negating real life relationships (either actualized or potential) with like-minded peers is sad to me. it is antithetical to the community that i love and have found a home in over the last six years. i think allowing your discomfort and insecurity about a fictional relationship to inhibit genuine connections is sad and i mean that in an empathetic way. we're in a loneliness epidemic and fandom is en vogue, there's never been more of a chance to find others who are in love with the character and share that joy. this is just me and if u disagree cool. be chill about it no one is evil here.
selfshipping is deeply personal to so many and hence any potential criticism of it in the community has been largely done off dash. this does inhibit discussion when i know for a Fact that plenty of writers and folks in the community feel alienated given the shifts in the last two years. folks have left the community all together and criticism of selfshipping is met with pitchforks and harassment. there's aspects of selfshipping and xreader that deserve to be discoursed on in a way that is not an attack, but rather a discussion. the nature of selfshipping in some ways prevents this from occurring. i think this is to its detriment.
i will clarify, once again x2, these are my personal feelings. they are not law, you do not have to agree, and you do not need to resonate with them. i do not hate selfshipping, but i can acknowledge that it has changed the face of the community along with the way we storymake and relate to one and other. for me personally, this has overall been in a way that's been less creatively nourishing and alienating. this is not the same for everyone and that's fine! if selfshipping has sparked joy and creativity for you, that is wonderful. it clearly is something people enjoy! and for myself as well, i enjoy it on some level clearly. but i feel it is worth talking about how these activities are different with overlap and how these trends have changed the community.
i also feel the need to clarify x2, this is a very specific discourse to our niche (xreader/selfship on tumblr). this community doesn't really exist on other platforms and i am sure my takes would be different if i were speaking on a similar space on twitter, tiktok or ao3.
