"Shaken Belief" by: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall
“Shaken Belief”
Palpitations ripple through the alterations of a contemplated realization that can no longer be held back.
Flashes of promised belief cement themselves into strong faith and in turn they become as real as you want them to be, a process that bleeds into every standard of your life. In believing ever so powerfully I’ve kept myself going, running always on empty it seems just above the leeway, just enough not to fall. The feeling pushed me forward but now that time has ended.
After given stride of matters driven by heart’s mighty plead, my words are now renewed with zest for from the ashes of my misguided sense of everlasting love they are filled with experience, of pain, of envy and even now still of love. I try to escape petty ideas of revenge, if I were the kind of man to destroy oh how I could easily do so with the incantations of my prose turned into lasting venom to forever plague you to be known as evil and heartless until I am no more but as these maleficent ideas emerge I fight them off for I am not of cruel intentions.
There really is no one to blame for this plight of delusion that has become of me other than myself. I and my faith in love carried the wonders of your charm farther than they were ever meant to be carried. The hope of comforts understanding was never fated to find home within our bond and the desires we shared to one another’s recollection was only passing glances of mercy to remove the ache of loneliness from are plain.
So now that I have stopped, now as I struggle with fear that my faith is fading, now as I grow solemn to the times of solitude once again I have only my words to carry me forward. They grow with me as I begin to shake from what is still left unknown and they find purpose with my tale.
Maybe the betrayal of love’s dream has found meaning inside me with its scorn.
Maybe the anguished pleas of my restless mind glide into legend with each blow.
Maybe my failure was a success of soul.
I really do not know.
As I cannot hold back the realization of my precarious state of mind I see only destruction ahead for I must build myself back up from the demise. I still believe that belief makes things real but how I take precaution to its power now and that is your fault my dear, the blame is solely yours.
Maybe I need repair from the sight of your merriment which you have placed right in front of my eyes as if mocking me as if I wasn’t even there, such cruel acts stirs the demons that I thought I had laid to rest so very long ago and how hungry they are to make me suffer once again but even then with such force of emotions riling into the ambience of our encounter, even so I still don’t exist too you.
I do not know what to do but for now my belief remains. My words carry their hope.
Maybe tomorrow all will be well.
Maybe tomorrow you’re the one that’s not going to be there…