#lostqpoc

[lostqpoc]

Birthday feels.

As I type feeling time passing bye 5 minutes after the day of my birth I feel a little empty inside. Feeling like I'm not fit to be. The fleeting life of myself has begun. I flinch at the fact how just feeling like yesterday to last month I was ready to finish high school. Now.... I'm working at something I care about but don't really love. How do people survive and yet not feel Thier youth and time is ticking away. Has the media finally getting to my head about age and time? Do I feel like not having a partner is making the time go to fast. How do I stop to smell the roses when I know the texture of the petals the seasons in which I know them best? How do I know I'm making things happen for myself? Why am I so caught up in the future that I can't breathe in the present and prevent my hyperventilation. When is the clock of my death going to strike? Am I making the most of my time? Why am I so caught up? I'll be better in the morning soon I'll rest and be comfortable in the dreams, and when I wake I will realize I feel utterly alone.

[lostqpoc]

The Snow

I have identified myself with things before but not with something real to show someone. I am like the snow: Beautiful, Cold, Bitter, Unforgiving, Gentle, and Unstoppable. With the snow finally here I understand why I hated it for so long. The fact is I held the fact that those are things about me I don't agree with because of not being told that enough. Feeling Broken, unwanted, destructive, and horrific. The emotions that are put away to keep myself safe from the world and to keep the world safe from me. I believed that I won't find someone for me, I hated photos, never looked at mirrors, avoided talking to people because I stutter on words and phrases. With 2017 I think I can break those habits that aren't worth my time, and are keeping me from growing. This little QTPOC is finding their way with baby steps or leaps of faith. I Can Do This With Smile And A Hug.

[upthewitchypunx]

Not to be weird do u live in Portland,Oregon?

yup, North Portland.

[lostqpoc]

Astrology of Self

So in astrology I'm duality: The dark and light, up and down, masculine and Feminine. Pisces the Fish, The Boar, the Willow, the Night. Water and Earth. In my charts. I'm known as The Earthquake causing tremors when I'm irritated. My ancestors are known as children of the earth. To know in the past I would be a spiritual guide/ sacred being. My astrology says I'm a force to reckon with. I have power in my charts and all points lead to power in many places in positions of power. Boost in self esteem much. Yeah I'll take it because I feel I usually feel like I'm not like I'm worth anything and to read these things that I do not notice then hell ya I'll take it.

[lostqpoc]

The Night of Occasions

 So yesterday was my birthday. I never really liked the idea of birthdays and parties that came along with them. Maybe I saw them to be glorified way out of things it was possibly the T.V.'s fault.

  Anyways I was sang happy birthday by Mykki Blanco I wanted to scream like a small child seeing ice cream; this not to be in the sense of objectify Mykki. Rage Cage happened, had my first Adrenaline shot, a cake fight broke out and the main targets were me and another person whom which was also his birthday. The cops came because the music was blaring, but about 15 minutes before they showed up we had turned the music off. 

 This was one of the few birthdays that I loved and adored. It was all because of my Co-op Family well it was just plain beautiful, also they're was some deep fried oreo's which were hella good!