𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐊--𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐄 ; 🧨 🧩🍻🎱
╰┈➤ | ✎ㅤ. . .ㅤ𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑪𝑨𝑵𝑶𝑵 𝑸𝑼𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺.
[ 🧨 ] . what’s the quickest way to set them off, even if they hide it well ?
the first and more obvious is any sort of dissent surrounding the long walk. he's trained his ASS off, spent so long completely bought in to the cult of personality surrounding it that it's an extension of his own identity, in a way. any questioning or critiquing of it is something he'll take personal offense to. because if those critiques hold any merit, it means he was wrong — something stebbins just can't afford to admit.
the second is any assumptions made about him, especially ones that undermine his intelligence. he's spent a large chunk of his life being viewed only as the bastard, with little interest as to who he is as an individual beyond that. any attempts made to fit him into some sort of box, regardless of the intent behind it, will be met with opposition.
[ 🧩 ] . what’s a truth about themselves they refuse to admit ?
stebbins is a deeply lonely boy who longs desperately for companionship. he's structured his entire life around independence ; he had to. there was no loving presence, no positive reinforcement, no one in his corner. to admit to craving that is ( in his mind ) to admit he's not strong enough to care for himself on his own. he'll insist until he's blue in the face he's perfectly content in his isolation, but really, he's never known anything outside of that. it's stebbins' parable — his fear of vulnerability prevents him from attaining the thing he so desperately seeks.
[ 🍻 ] . what kind of drunk are they ?
stebbins is not a big drinker, for the same reason he's pretty avoidant of most substances : he doesn't like the vulnerabilities an inebriated mind brings. not to mention, for someone so particular about their diet and calorie intake, beer is pretty much out of the question. all that being said, when stebbins does get drunk, he gets fucking hammered. the kind of drunk that's just constantly leaning on you and being like ❝ hey man i love you by the way ❞ because ???? having absolutely no inhibitions is the only way stebbins can really let himself be tender and say those things his friends and loved ones probably would love to hear from him more often. and of course he's gonna deny ever having said anything of the sort the next day or brush it off as just drunk talk because sincerity is so freaking scary!!!!!!
[ 🎱 ] . what kind of future do they crave, and who’s in it ?
for a long time, stebbins really had a clear picture what his future would look like — after he won the long walk, he'd leave texas behind, make the move to maine in order to be closer to his father, who would eagerly accept him as his son. they'd immediately strike up that picturesque father / son bond, and all those years stebbins spent suffering in silence would be worth it.
the major does all the right things ; says ❝ i'm proud of you son !! ❞ and pats him on the back, introduces him to the nation as not only the champion of that year's walk, but his own flesh and blood . . . but it feels hollow. forced. scripted. when he looks at the man now, he no longer sees someone he idolizes ; just the worst experience of his life. the more intertwined in the politics of it all stebbins becomes, the more he finds himself yearning for somewhere quiet, quaint, and kind ; far away from the fake smiles and pressed suits that surrounded him now. somewhere nobody knew him . . . but anomosity is a tall order for the major's son.
