I have now developed an extremely strong desire to know what the Ann(e)s did after their reunion. You know. For science. Also like, Anne writing down very detailed accounts of her own sex life is like, peak lesbianism.
Well, this is how their reunion happened. Anne stays at Lidgate almost every night after their reunion, they talk about committing in a serious way to each other and they start paying visits to their relatives (which clearly makes their relationship more serious). Interesting (I think) bits of Anne’s diary the week of their reunion:
January 5, 1834 > Much talk last night till 4 this morning and then not asleep for a long while. She repented having left me – longed to go after me to Copenhagen. Had had Mr Ainsworth writing again and offering again etc – once thought she ought to marry – lastly refused him. Her sister told him [Ann] was not able to judge for herself – but [Ainsworth said] he did not mind this – so both Captain and Mrs Sutherland got annoyed at him, I suppose saw thro’ him. Miss W– talks as if she would be glad to take me – then if I say anything decisive she hesitates. I tell her it is all her money which is in the way. The fact is, she is not as she was before, but was determined to get away from the Sutherlands and feels the want of me. But [I need to] take someone with more mind and less money. Steph [Belcombe] is right: she would be a great pother. Have nothing serious to say to her – she wants better manning than I can manage – I touched her a little but she soon said it exhausted her. I had my drawers on and never tried to get near, knowing that I could not do it well enough. I am weak about her.
January 6, 1834 > At twelve last night felt her on the amoroso. She thought me asleep and I pretended to be so till my fondness seemed to awake me. Pressed and partly grubblied and held her near me but had on my drawers – in fact I had as much a kiss as possible without absolute contact. [I] Said [I] dared not be nearer, uncertain how she would make up her mind about and afraid of attaching myself to her. Too much pressing and feeling her this morning – she let me look at her without seeming to care – in fact I might do all I could and not do enough. I am older in these matters than I was twenty years ago. She seems bent on taking me – but yet it is uncertain, for she says nothing quite positive. ‘Tis well my care for her will not kill me, whether she says eventually ‘yes’ or ‘no’“.
January 7, 1834 > A little pressing and grubbling last night but I am not for more of it than I can help… Walked with Miss W– by Lower brea and along my walk to here – she paid her visit to my sister, and was a little while in the drawing room with my aunt…Long talk – she will employ Mr Gray in York to make her will – meant to leave me and Captain Sutherland executors and secure all to the [Sutherland] children. She seems quite decided to take me and leave me all for my life and I said then I would do ditto.
January 8, 1834 > Goodish touching and pressing last night – she much and long on the amoroso and I had as much kiss as possible with drawers on… Read a little French with Miss W… Tea at 8 – talk – prayer at 10 – came upstairs at 10 ½ – very rainy day and night. Miss W– complained of weariness thro’ not having been out today. She seemed lowish (…) & in bed she was getting a little in the old way (…) I can never make anything of her & why all this pother for nothing? However, she was on the amoroso as usual and lay upon me and I handled and grubbled till I was heartily tired.
Every time Ann Walker was hesitant about their union Anne would get annoyed and think about leaving her and give up. After the 11th most of her diary entries start with “goodish grubbling last night”, they were intimate with each other almost every day but Anne didn’t want to “get too near” because Miss Walker was still undecided about committing to her. That’s why she says: “I am older in these matters than I was twenty years ago” because now she’s not giving herself completely to Miss W- without a serious commitment first.
To me it seems (from what I’ve read,) that Anne was more explicit (more detailed) in recording her sexual encounters when she was younger. With Anne Walker the longest coded passages are about tutte le pippe mentali che si faceva (I know you’re italian so I’m keeping it in that way because in english non renderebbe lol)
