Louis jeopardizes Eileen's campaign for Secretary of State by being a general lunatic on television and must deal with the repercussions of his actions. Elsewhere, Nelson wants to learn how to fight and goes to Donnie for help.
This one opens with the most bizarre shots of Louis "riding a bike" in front of an obvious green screen. It's actually pretty great. Again, it's one of those moments like the fake dummy, or the surfing green screen. You automatically know that it's not meant to be taken seriously. I mean, if Louis meditating on the bike crisscross applesauce isn't an indication that the scene is not intended to be realistic, then I don't know what is. Shia’s genuine laughter at the absurdity of the whole thing is also great.
He’s thinking “what is my life”
The scene is used in contrast to the rest of the Stevens family meeting with Eileen’s new image consultant for her Secretary of State campaign. They’re clearly concerned about Louis’ whereabouts and that he’s missing out on some important information. Steve is all “I can’t believe he’s not here yet” and Ren sarcastically says “Yeah, you know.. It’s not like him. He’s usually so considerate” — which hard cuts to Louis screaming “OUTTA MUH WAY!!!” as he zooms past pedestrians with zero regard. Incredible. He even steals a corndog away from the stoner extra Lefkwitz. I’ll never understand Disney’s obsession with corndogs. I feel like they talk about them so much.
Louis shows up late to the meeting with vegetables growing out of his hair, claiming it’s his science fair project. He also says it could be Eileen’s platform: “End world hunger,” which is a great visual. Imagine if we all walked around with food growing out of our heads. The consultant says “Please, tell me this is the wacky next-door neighbor” and in that moment I so wish that Louis was for the family’s sake. He would be the wacky next-door neighbor if this show was about anyone else on their block. This is definitely a sign of Louis becoming more and more outlandish, though. Growing a farm on his head...... like… come on. One thing I’d like to point out is that Christy always makes the actual best facial expressions when reacting to Louis’ craziness.
Meme central right there.
This whole scene has a lot of those unflattering close up shots that we saw in Surf’s Up. Both episodes were directed by Paul Hoen. I seriously wonder why he apparently likes those angles so much. It definitely adds to the quirky vibe of the show, but still, I’m not entirely sure it fits. It’s a little distracting to me, almost overkill.
Fast forward to the next day. Eileen is officially announcing her candidacy on the Sacramento Morning News with none other than reporter Cynthia Mills. The image consultant dresses them in the most ridiculous “All American” getups and I have no idea how this guy possibly has a career in image consulting.
Is this Even Stevens or Leave It To Beaver? (Steve holding that spatula gets me every time.)
Of course, Louis is missing yet again. This time he has yet to make an appearance because he hates the outfit he has to wear. It is… pretty cringy considering the character of Louis Stevens. This is definitely something he’d never wear in a million years.
Did Eileen make him clean his room just in case? lol Because it looks immaculate in comparison to the tornado of clothes and junk we usually see.
Donnie literally has to carry him downstairs and Louis shouts “PUT ME DOWN, CRAB GOOSE!” which I’m assuming is an ad-lib. Where does Shia come up with this stuff?! Honestly! God bless him. Cynthia asks him “Is something wrong, little guy?” and all hell breaks loose. This is probably one of Louis’ greatest meltdowns, though. It really made me want to rank this episode way higher. It's absolutely insane! But as great as it is, you kinda get annoyed at the fact he can't even control himself long enough to not embarrass his mother on television like that. He legit destroys the living room and breaks Cynthia’s baby toe. But lines like "I am not a little guy, and these are not my pants" and "I'M NOT SHORTY PANTS KID" make it all worth it. It’s another scene that I just have to embed.
Larry Beale gives Ren a hard time about the fiasco at school later. He actually throws some solid shade by saying “What a circus! What is your mom running for? The ring master? ‘Cause I just wanted to know.” But, Nelson decides to step up and say “Hey, Snarky! For a guy with a tiny brain, you got a big mouth.” He proceeds to get stuffed in a locker. This is what motivates him to learn how to fight. But, we’ll get to that later.
Ren knows that some drama is about to go down.
Eileen, Steve and Donnie are at home watching the news report in horror. Cynthia brought Eileen’s opponent on for an interview and of course they seem like saints in comparison to Eileen’s segment — which basically should’ve started off with “Hi. I’m Louis Stevens, welcome to Jackass!” They desperately change the channel, only to find that the story has been picked up by literally every major news outlet. My personal favorite report:
“The Crazy Child” lol.
Louis comes downstairs and seemingly has no idea why they could possibly be upset with him. Eileen starts to feel like everything is her fault since she’s the one who hired the consultant. And Louis just… AGREES WITH HER! He puts it all on her shoulders and takes no responsibility. “Ma, you’re a good kid. You are. You messed up, but it happens… right?” Eileen puts him in his place and explains how much damage control she has to do because of him. This scene makes me so mad. Ugh. Louuuuisssss. He tries to reassure her, saying it’s yesterday’s news. When suddenly Cynthia and a news crew bust through their kitchen window hoping for “The Wild Child” to go berserk again.
Now Louis finally starts to show genuine remorse, which is always nice and adds that endearing quality to the character. He confides in Ren letting her know that he wants to be the kind of kid who makes his parents proud. I love this. Louis decides he wants to win the science fair to specifically impress Eileen. Ren encourages him by saying she knows him better than anyone and if he sets his mind to something, he’ll do a great job. This is so true.
We see Louis working on his new, elaborate project for the science fair — The “Eco-Bot 3000.” He’s not exactly sure what it does yet, though. Ren is impressed and tells Eileen that he’s been working day in and day out on the project and that she should really go to the fair. The only issue is that Eileen scheduled her damage control press conference for the same day.
So, yeah. Nelson wants to learn how to fight and enlists Donnie’s help. Donnie knows the kid doesn’t stand a chance, so he teaches him some bogus ancient pinky finger trick he dubs “Ka-Ting.” That poking someone in a certain spot will reduce them to a pile of jelly on the floor. Okay. Nelson falls for it though and thinks he’s suddenly become some sort of blackbelt. He starts intimidating kids at school with his pinkies. How embarrassing. Let’s just wrap this subplot up now, shall we? Ren finds out about what Donnie did, so she tricks Nelson into thinking he’s too powerful and needs to put his pinkies away for good. He falls for that, as well. What a gullible guy. The end, lol. It’s an underwhelming subplot and feels like a total waste of time.
One of the craziest things ever happens at Eileen’s press conference. Cynthia asks her "Is there any truth to the rumor you have sent him off to a desert work camp?" Holy crap. Did the writers just predict the freaking future?!
I wonder if Shia was already confirmed for Holes and they wrote that in as a little joke?! This episode aired in 2001. The movie was released in early 2003, so it obviously must’ve filmed in 2002. It’s a possibility! Suddenly the entire movie has become a spin-off/Even Stevens AU fanfiction of Louis being sent off to camp for terrible behavior. Let’s be real, though… He WOULD become the leader of the D-Tent pack. Holes will forever be a Louis Stevens at Camp Greenlake story now. Well.. minus the whole “no-good-dirty-rotten-pig stealin’-great great grandfather” mumbo jumbo. And the fact that his name is Stanley Yelnats. Annnnd has a completely different life story. Just forget that. Anyway, I just thought this bit was borderline eerie!! haha. It’s too coincidental.
Cut to the science fair. The "Eco-Bot 3000” ended up being an automatic recycling machine and can/bottle crusher. HE'S SO TALENTED!!! I swear to god. If there was ever an Even Stevens reboot, Louis needs to have a job in engineering and do stand up comedy on the side or something. Wow.
Eileen ditches the press conference to be a good mother and support Louis at the fair. Everything is great and amazing and he wins first place! Until he demonstrates how it works to Cynthia Mills and the news crew and accidentally has it crush a full carton of milk — which explodes everywhere and the system runs haywire. There was a crap ton of milk in there. How did he not feel that when he lifted the carton??? He’s smart enough to create this machine from scratch but too dumb to realize the carton is full of milk?! Logic. The Eco-Bot pretty much becomes an extension of Louis’ personality we saw earlier, and terrorizes the fair. And… that’s it.
Look how proud he was, though… :(
This one doesn't have much of a definitive ending. Or maybe it does, but it's just not very satisfying because Louis still basically loses in the end. The thing he worked so hard on ultimately goes wrong for him… on live TV… again. I don't like that. It always leaves me feeling upset and a little empty, tbh. But a memorable moment like the Shorty Pants freakout, and seeing Louis genuinely want to be a better kid redeem it for me. I couldn’t care less about this Nelson subplot, though.
Thanks for reading! And side note: Today is actually Shia’s 31st birthday!! Aww. Time flies. Go wish the king himself a good one.
Holy crap you guys. Can you believe we’re already into the #40s?! This is going by faster than I anticipated.
This week, Lenny Cranepool (a.k.a “Lenny the Lifter”) is the new kid at school. He's a giant. Louis and Twitty befriend him and they become the most feared crew in school. Until they find out Lenny is a big softie who dreams of becoming a pastry chef. Meanwhile, Ren is trying to outlaw dodgeball due to its physical dangers.
The opening shot is Louis late for school, running in slo-mo down the hallway. His backpack is unzipped so every single paper in his bag goes flying literally everywhere. He gets stopped by Tugnut who yells at him for being late, and Louis says “Or! Is it possible everybody else on earth is early?” Real slick, Louis. Tugnut let’s him off the hook for his “sassy mouth” clap back, because it’s dodgeball season and he’s creepily overexcited for it and even throws in some maniacal laughter to drive it home. Do schools have dodgeball season, though? Like, is that a thing? Do they have big rainbow parachute in gym class season, too? That was the best. Anyway, this dodgeball mention is setting up the subplot.
Louis crawls into math class trying (and failing) to go unnoticed, when suddenly… there’s a giant foot in the aisle! Someone else is sitting in his seat. It’s Lenny Cranepool! The new transfer student who must’ve only transferred there for a few days because we never see him again! Louis is clearly intimidated when Lenny stands up, towering over him and GROWLING. I’m not kidding. Lenny genuinely growls and grunts like a caveman. Now that I think about it, that’s pretty hilarious. Louis is chill though and settles for a different desk. Once he sits though, he casually says “Actually, I’d prefer the window seat” and out of nowhere he is LIFTED INTO THE AIR BY LENNY and carried over to the window.
He’s sitting in front of Twitty now, so Twitty fills him in on everything. He tells Louis the new kid is Lenny the Lifter. Word on the street is that he got kicked out of his old school for “going on a lifting spree” probably. I love that, omg. Lenny breaks his pencil and growls like an animal again. Louis is nice and gives him one of his pencils, but Lenny doesn’t even say thank you and gives them a hard look. Louis and Twitty are just relieved to be alive at this point.
Next, we see Ren and Nelson preparing to go live on the school news program, The Wombat Report. Ren introduces her dodgeball segment accusing it of being a “barbaric celebration of pain and violence that sadistically pits the mean and vicious against the weak and skinny.” Dang, Ren. Tugnut is watching while wearing an I <3 DODGEBALL shirt and gets so pissed he breaks his pencil, too. That’s one too many pencils broken in under a minutes time if you ask me. Ren says they took a hidden Cap Cam into Tugnut’s gym class and came away with “disturbing footage.” The footage shows him teaching the kids about Hot Zones on the human body to aim for while playing dodgeball and uses a cardboard cutout of a skinny nerd dubbed Target Timmy. He notices the kid in the Cap Cam and says “no hats in class! TAKE IT OFF!” and violently throws a dodgeball at their head. Great teacher, right there.
I’m sure that’s enough to get him fired and banned from teaching ever again???
Louis is walking down the hall and is surprised when each step he takes parts the crowd of kids like Moses. Until, of course, he notices Lenny has been following him. He initially runs away, but Lenny catches up to him at lunch and thanks him for the pencil. Louis says “The pencil! Oh, right. Old Number 2! You’re welcome.” The Old Number 2 comment makes me laugh. That was definitely an ad lib. Louis invites Lenny to eat with him and we see the first glimmer of Lenny the Softie accompanied by sensitive piano. He’s like “YEAH! :D Thanks!” all happy. And it would be a nice gesture, except it marks the arrival of Selfish Louis here. He immediately decides to use Lenny to his advantage. He takes a seat at the 8th Grade lunch table, which is clearly off-limits and decorated like a fancy restaurant in comparison to all the other lowly tables, lol. Twitty comes over and asks Louis if he has a death wish. This is accurate.
When I was in middle school, there was this small stoop in the parking lot where the 8th graders would hang out during recess. If you went anywhere near there they would cuss you out. I was a pretty outgoing kid (I mean, not as brazen as Louis can be, but..) so one day when I was in 6th grade, I purposely got to the stoop before the 8th graders and just stood there. When they eventually came over telling me to leave, I stood my ground and said “This is a slab of cement. I don’t see your names anywhere. I can stand here if I want to.” They eventually gave up and went somewhere else, letting me and my friends hang out there that day! Ayyyyyy! One of my proudest moments. I wonder if I was subconsciously inspired by Louis. Probably, honestly. This show subconsciously shaped my sense of humor growing up and I only realized this when I started getting back into the show in 2011. I digress…
I felt the need to include a picture of the stoop. I literally went on Google Earth to get this! haha. This isn’t the exact stoop at the exact location, but this is exactly what it looks like. Just so you can visualize, lol.
Sure enough, Larry Beale and the big tough 8th Graders come over telling Louis the table is reserved. But, Louis says “Larry, this table is only reserved because you and a few of your unattractive friends say it is.” Burrrrn. I’ma use that next time. Just then, Lenny comes over. Larry is clearly scared and quickly sits at a different table and pretty much does whatever Louis says. So yeah, this is where Louis realizes he can just use Lenny to intimidate everyone and get whatever he wants from this moment forward. Nice!
Ren goes walking into a pitch black gym per Coach Tugnut’s request. He says “you got a problem with dodgeball?!” and claps twice to turn on a spotlight which dramatically reveals him sitting at desk. That’s honestly terrifying considering Tugnut is a grown man and Ren is like.. 14. I’d run out the door. We get one of my favorite lines here, though. Ren asks “I take it you’ve seen my dodgeball exposé?” and Tugnut says:
(credit)
He tells her that Principal Wexler is holding a referendum on whether to keep or ban dodgeball. But he’s adamant that dodgeball isn’t going anywhere.
Louis notices Lenny sitting on the stairs, visibly upset. Louis goes over to him and Lenny immediately bursts into tears! Louis frantically tries to hide him so his tough image stays intact. Turns out Lenny is crying over a simple poetry assignment that’s due the next day. He says he’s worried that if he doesn’t do well in school he’ll “never graduate and become a p-p-p….” through tears, and Louis tries to guess what profession he was going to say. Asking “Police Man? Private Investigator?! PYTHON TRAINER?!” (I just love the way Shia says it.) But Lenny clarifies that he was going to say pastry chef. Louis ain’t thrilled.
Later that day, Louis and Twitty try to come up with a plan that will help Lenny remain feared. Louis just hopes that Lenny will write a poem that’s dark, mean and hateful. Unfortunately, he writes a poem that’s gentle, sweet and loving. Ren reads it and convinces Lenny to recite it on the Wombat Report to show everyone what a sweet guy he is.
Then, the following scene happens. Which I’m just going to embed instead of describing because I think it’s hilarious.
This paper cut incident helps Louis come up with an idea to stop Lenny from reading his poem.
The dodgeball drama turns into a Ren vs. Larry thing because Larry sides with Coach Tugnut. I’m not complaining about this. Any Ren/Larry interaction is nice because REN AND LARRY SHOULD JUST PUT ASIDE THEIR DIFFERENCES AND DATE! Larry and Tugnut demand equal time on the Wombat Report to debate over dodgeball, which is fair I guess.
Over the course of ONE NIGHT Louis comes up with a voice activated device to attach to the bottom of Lenny’s chair that will zap him as soon as he starts reading his poem. Louis The Incredibly Gifted Engineer strikes again.
The plan is to make Lenny go insane, like when he got the paper cut, on live TV. Yeah, that should do it. But before he’s about to go live, Lenny gives Louis a copy of the poem and says he wrote it about him. Louis reads it and asks Twitty “You ever feel the gnawing pains of guilt? You know, the ones that make you feel like a terrible person who doesn’t deserve to live?” Twitty says no and Louis is like, “Yeah, me neither. But this is the closest I’ve ever been” as if he’s a person incapable of feeling remorse or emotion. Not a fan of that choice, tbh.
Either way, he decides to do the right thing and swap the chairs. Lenny successfully reads his poem, which is also hilarious. Here’s the transcript:
“Emotional” by Lenny Cranepool
I wish you could see beyond my size, to the person that lives inside. There is someone who sees the real me... his name is Louis, and you see... He never judged, or laughed or tried to hide, he just treated me like any other guy. I owe a lot to this true friend, I hope our friendship never ends. It really hurts to be left out, if you have any doubt... Try being me for just one day, and I’m sure you’d agree when I say -- That being feared cuts like a knife, but one good friend can change your life.
The entire school is in tears, including Louis and Twitty. We see Larry and freaking PEDRO FROM NAPOLEON DYNAMITE with tears in his eyes (this is his second appearance in the series as a member of Larry’s posse.) He turns to Larry and says “That was so beautiful, man.” And Larry’s just like “Shut up, Omar” which makes me laugh. Larry’s happy though, because Louis just lost his body guard.
“Shut up, Omar.” lol this show has so much meme potential.
Then they make a sharp turn from crying to the dodgeball debate, which is also funny. Only problem is that Ren is sitting in the rigged chair now. Oops. As soon as she speaks to debate against Larry, she gets zapped and screams at the top of her lungs. She knows Louis did it. She kicks the chair away and quickly shares a seat with Larry instead. They’re so cute. Just like that, Ren changes her position on dodgeball and decides that it can be a “very rewarding experience.” Meaning, she wants to get back at Louis.
I love how they have an American flag displayed. I mean, what’s more American than dodgeball?!
The last scene is Ren, Larry and Tugnut ganging up against Louis by pelting him with dodgeballs. Ren and Larry are smiley and he says it’s nice to be on the same side for once, which is also cute. They’re just cute and should’ve got together by the end of the series!!!
Anyway, I’m not against Louis getting his but kicked here. He was going to do a pretty mean thing to Lenny for his own personal gain. And, then ended up ruining things and embarrassing Ren in the process. So… Sorry, Lou! I'm not with ya on this one. The episode ends on a freeze frame of Louis about to get hit in the face. The end.
This is a good episode. I used to love it... A LOT. (But again, every episode was my “favorite” at some point.) I guess the fact that it revolves around a one-off character makes it difficult for me to rank it any higher. Although, a good episode is a good episode regardless. But still. Louis’ ugly side made an appearance here, which I hate. So. I love the little Ren/Larry bit at the end, though. I wonder if Eric Ty Hodges was directed to subtly act like he has a secret crush on Ren occasionally, because I get those vibes.
Just a side note I’ve been thinking about: I might be the only person who feels this way.. but… Season 2 is weird for me. I’ve always seen it as the awkward transitional period between gritty Season 1 and über polished zany Season 3. Barring a few super memorable, pretty iconic episodes — Season 2 is just kinda… there. It might have something to do with the fact that Shia looks a little awkward himself. He’s not the young baby faced kid from Season 1 and he’s not the grown teenager we see in Season 3. He’s like.. an actual awkward 7th grader here lol. Also, little known fact! Louis and his friends actually move up to 8th grade in Season 3! It’s widely believed that Louis and Ren are in 7th and 8th grade the entire series. It's even listed as a production fact on Wikipedia! But, nope. There are slight things that confirm this, which I’ll acknowledge when they pop up but yeah. (This means that LJH is one of those rare middle schools that go up to 9th grade, btw) So, that’s definitely something else that contributes to my feelings towards Season 2. For Louis and his friends, in my mind I think...
Season 1: First half of 7th grade.
Season 2: Second half of 7th grade.
Season 3: 8th grade.
Obviously, Ren would be the same except 8th-9th. Also, fun fact #2: Seth Miller, who plays Lenny, was in an episode of Boy Meets World. There are a lot of parallels between the two shows, actually.
Our runner-up is one of the most popular episodes. When Ren throws a sleepover with the girls, Louis takes advantage of it. He sets up hidden cameras in the house, hosts a viewing party for guys in the basement and charges for entry -- hoping to stack up enough money to afford a suit of armor.
That summary is beyond creepy and problematic, but I’m gonna try my best not to think about it. :)
This is yet another episode with one solid plot. Louis’ story is directly related to and developed by Ren’s. Episodes are always stronger this way. It opens with a daydream sequence. Louis is imagining himself wearing a ridiculous suit of armor to school as if it’s cool and practical and not completely asinine. In this fantasy, Tawny appears and starts fawning over him “Wowww, Louis! Nice suit of armor! Oh, you look so cool!”
“Thank you, Tawny!” *thumbs up, twinkly eye* -- Because every girl wants to parade around with The Tin Man on her arm.
It cuts from the daydream and we see that Louis is explaining to Twitty how awesome this suit of armor he saw on the internet is. He claims that the suit has “endless possibilities” and could help him in various situations such as: “Say you’re having dinner, right? And your dad spills scalding hot minestrone on you...” which cuts to one of the best moments ever:
Steve: “OH MY GOSH!!!!!!! THAT MINESTRONE IS SCALDING HOT!!!!!”
Ren: “Thank goodness you thought to get that suit of armor!”
The seller, however, is making “outrageous demands” like, ya know, putting a price tag on it. And a tacky suit of armor is just one more thing Louis ain’t got the money for.
While Louis and Twitty are walking, Louis senses that someone is spying on them and notices this mysterious little kid poking his head out of the bushes.
Very inconspicuous, kid.
When they run over to the bushes to confront the tyke, they end up grabbing onto an innocent skunk instead and it always makes me laugh. I just gotta include a screenshot of the skunk's lil face because it’s golden.
“What did I ever do to you?” -- The skunk, probably.
It cuts to the Stevens house later that day where Ren is getting ready to discuss something with the family. She’s handing out official memos for all of them to read over and I never bothered to pause and read it until now:
“TO: My Family. FROM: Ren Stevens, me. RE: On Saturday, several of my Girl Friends will be spending the night. Or as I like to call it, a young woman’s all-night forum. I am requesting that if you have any plans that you can engage yourselves in, please do so. I am also asking that you refrain from embarrassing me on your way out the door if any of my young women friends are present. Also, I know that some people in the house think that they have their fingers on the pulse of “those young kids today”, but please try to refrain from using “hip” lingo. Thank you in advance for your complete cooperation.”
So, yeah. ^ that pretty much sums up what Ren’s family meeting is about. This isn’t the first time she’s thrown a formal meeting with her family either lol. I love how Ren calls out her parents for thinking they have their pulse on the young kids of today when she’s the one insisting on calling a slumber party a “Young Woman’s All-Night Forum” and has a freaking book discussion planned for a ~fun activity.~ That’s definitely what all the cool kids are doing.
A noteworthy moment here is when Louis interrupts the meeting by cranking up a juicer only for it to be angrily unplugged by Ren: “I was making a quality cucumber shake here!” “Not on my time!” -- This bit (along with a few other clips from this episode) was used in this super memorable Season 2 promo that you definitely saw approximately 1 million times if you watched Disney Channel frequently during this era.
Ren makes Louis promise that he will definitely not be anywhere near her party on Saturday and Louis actually very convincingly tells her “Why would I want to be around a bunch of lame girls? Tell me. I don’t think so. I’m sleeping over Twitty’s.” I love how it immediately cuts from that to Louis in the basement with Twitty asking him “What would you pay to see how girls really act when guys aren’t around?” letting us know that the gears are turning in his insane brain. This question delivers one of my favorite lines:
Twitty: “Probably like, a half’a million dollars!”
Louis quickly gets the idea to sell tickets to see Ren and her friends on hidden camera: “The title will be... WELCOME TO THE SECRET WORLD OF GIRLS.” Wow, just... wow. I’m pretty sure this scene takes place on Friday and Louis says that he’ll be ‘clanking down the hall in his shiny suit of armor’ by Monday. But he’s not gonna have the money for it until Saturday night. Uhh... didn’t he say the suit was on the internet??? It’s 2001. Unless the seller lives down the street, that thing is definitely not arriving in one day -- let alone a Sunday. These things don’t just pop outta the screen, Louis!!!
Just then, Louis notices that little kid from the bushes earlier is casually creeping in the basement window:
Way to be low-key and totally not weird, kid.
Louis and Twitty turn around and sneak attack the boy, pulling him from the window and into the basement to interrogate him. This is pretty iconic. You can check out this whole sequence here because no amount of quoting will do it justice.
The kid starts to tell some random joke: “There was a pirate on a ship! And the ship was a’rockinnnnn and a’rollinnnnn...” but Louis and Twitty ain’t got time for that and tell him to scram. So the kid starts fake-crying. Louis decides that the boy’s got skills in the art of deception and is therefore cool enough to hang out with him and Twitty. We find out that this strange child is named Bernard, but that lame name isn’t gonna fly. Louis decides: “From now on, your name... is Beans.” -- And history was made.
“Kid, a nickname isn’t supposed to be logical. It’s supposed to be fun.”
The next day, Ruby comes over to help Ren get ready for the party. This is where we find out that Ren had a book discussion planned and she realizes that does naaaht scream “let’s party!!” Ruby takes control and the two head out to go shopping for snacks and makeup. As soon as they leave the house, Louis, Twitty and Beans pop outta nowhere and begin to set up the surveillance system. Beans objects at first though, saying “I don’t wanna watch girls!!!” So, Twitty asks “Kid, do you know what happens when a boy becomes a man?” Louis takes out a little notebook and draws SOMETHING to illustrate what Twitty’s talking about, shows it to Beans and we get a “GROSSSSS!” response out of him. To this day, even in adulthood, I genuinely have no idea what Louis could’ve drawn. Would any guys out there care to enlighten me? Do I even want to know? Or are you somehow in the dark as much as I am here? Regardless of whatever the heck he drew, this is definitely extremely suggestive. WOW.
We get a montage of Louis and the guys working together to successfully set up the whole hidden camera system. Adding this to the ‘Louis The Engineer’ tag. Louis and Twitty use Beans to help pass out these fliers for the event outside of LJH:
As Beans hands them out, he shouts: “GET YOUR FLIERS HERE! BIG PAY-PER-VIEW!” -- Uhhhh...
Cut to the night of the party! The doorbell rings and Ren opens it all excited only to find Twitty on the other side. He’s there to pick up Louis to go back to his house, but the two of them are acting really weird and speaking in a way that is CLEARLY premeditated, so Ren immediately suspects that something’s up. Of course, her instinct is 100% correct, but Louis really thought this thing through. Ren demands to see what’s in his backpack because lord knows what he could be hiding in there I guess. Louis insists there’s nothing in there but “a toothbrush and a pair of fresh undies!!” -- This line always stuck with me. ALWAYS! Ren doesn’t believe him, so she goes digging into his backpack but is shocked to find out that he’s seemingly telling the truth:
Ren: “....what is this?!”
Louis: “A toothbrush and a pair of fresh undies, Ren.”
Once again, Louis and Twitty are extremely convincing, so Ren’s mind is at ease. Unfortunately for her, Louis and Twitty head out the front door and straight to the basement window... the very cramped entrance to their creepy underground spying sesh. Not to be a buzzkill or anything... I know I said I was gonna try not to think about it... but, I mean, as innocently as Disney tried to spin this, what they’re doing is literally a crime lol. By loose legal definition:
“Any person who secretly or surreptitiously uses or installs in a room any device that can be used to create a photographic image (i.e. photograph or photographic reproduction, still or moving, or any videotape, motion picture, or live television transmission, or any digital image of any individual) with the intent to capture the image of another without their consent shall be guilty of a Class I felony.” -- Yikes! Louis Stevens should’ve been arrested at least a handful of times throughout the series. Seriously. Do not try this at home. I wonder how many creeps were inspired by this episode...
One by one, guys from their school come filtering into the basement and pay their $10 to Twitty, who’s acting like an usher at a movie theater: “You guys can all fill in these seats right around here! It should be a good show tonight!” One of the guys who shows up is none other than X-RAY himself, Brenden Jefferson, a.k.a. Ryan Zellpepper -- who makes his second and last appearance in the series here. It’s a shame because I really love this kid! The fact that he and Shia would later work together on Holes is the best. Not only that, they also worked together prior to Even Stevens! I recently learned that Brenden and Shia shared the screen as tiiiiny children in the actual greatest worst film of all time, 1998′s “Monkey Business.” If you ever need a good laugh, watch that movie. And after you watch it, listen to the Cage Club Podcast’s #AllHisMovies episode on it and laugh some more. I’ve always felt like Brenden meshed with the cast as naturally as a series regular would. Perhaps this connection has something to do with it!
I love when Tom makes his way into the basement, walks over to Twitty and whips out a checkbook: “Who should I make this out to?” HAHA!
The Secret World Of Girls gets off to a rough start when Ren has all the girls go upstairs to change first. The guys are left to stare at an empty room for an extended period of time and Louis scrambles to keep everyone entertained. That’s when Beans arrives and this happens, which is great. (”Beans how did you get past the electric fence?!”) Eventually, the girls return in their PJs ready to play some ~fun sleepover games.~ Side note: My mom had the same exact blue cloud bathrobe Ren wears here. We always thought that was cool lol.
Ren’s party doesn’t kick off too hot either when she announces: “Let’s play a game, shall we? It’s called ‘College Interview’! I’ll be the Dean of admissions, and you guys will be the hopeful applicants!!” -- And she was worried that her PARENTS would be the ones embarrassing her?!?! She’s doing a fine job all on her own. To Ren’s relief, the doorbell rings and saves her from the harsh awkwardness of realizing she’s actually an 80-year-old wet blanket masquerading as a 14-year-old girl. Turns out it’s Tawny at the door. She’s looking for Louis and Twitty because she already checked Twitty’s house and nobody’s home... Uh oh.
Ren: “Hmm. That’s highly suspicious.”
Since she has nothing else to do now, Tawny ends up hanging out with Ren and her friends. At first, Ruby had suggested playing “Light As A Feather.” Louis was under the impression that’d be something cute (”Feathers, babes, you do the math!”) But, “Light As A Feather” is actually a pretty creepy, borderline satanic game. Can you imagine if the boys witnessed that?! HAHAHA! I mean, the tagline of the promo poster DID ask “What kind of weird stuff do they do?” Oh, man. They would’ve been hilariously traumatized to discover THAT!
Ruby eventually decides on the perfect fun game to play! It’s called: “The One Thing You’d Never Want A Boy To Know!” -- How convenient. The guys literally cheer as loud as a stadium of football fans after a touchdown, and I have no idea how the girls don’t hear them!!! Like, holy crap. They’re right beneath them!
Look at that one kid in the back with his arms raised. He’s getting his money’s worth.
While playing the game, Tawny confesses that she can belch really loud and demonstrates. The guys are absolutely disgusted but of course, Louis is the oddball sitting there in a total love-struck daze muttering “she’s awesome” to himself. haha, I love Louis and Tawny.
Monique goes next and starts off by saying she once had a dream that she was stranded on a desert island with Ryan Zellpepper. Ryan is seriously over the moon right now on the edge of his seat anxiously waiting to hear the rest. She’s about to go into what I have to assume are the dirty details, when the sound cuts out. The guys are pissed because they’re clearly missing out on some juicy stuff judging by the utterly shocked reaction from the girls:
Twitty uses the camera controller to zoom in and sees that the sound cable has been disconnected. The cord is right behind Monique, so I’m guessing she bumped it with all of her arm-flailing, storytelling dramatics lol. The girls start to do the whole ~face masks and cucumbers thing~ next, so Louis starts brainstorming a plan to get the sound back. Since the girls are practically napping, Louis decides to SOMEHOW send Beans down into the living room Mission Impossible style. By whatever miracle, the plan works and Beans successfully reconnects the cable -- earning him lots of brownie points with Louis.
I have to point this out: LOOK AT ALL OF THE FREAKING WIRES ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR!!!!!!!! I never noticed this before! Wow, Louis sure did a crap job at hiding the setup. If I was one of the girls, I would’ve noticed that right away and commented on it.
Beans is officially “one of the guys” now thanks to his heroic deed. But, then he starts telling that awful pirate joke to Ryan and starts annoying people so Louis kicks him out. Beans is livid. So he leaves, goes upstairs and storms into the living room, unplugs the audio cable and tells the girls exactly what Louis is up to. And just like that, the ladies head straight to the basement, leaving the guys with only a few moments to make a run for it. This is classic.
Fear us, men. Fear us. I love how Ryan tosses that bowl of chips like “eff this, bro. i’m out.” Also, AJ is definitely laughing at Shia’s scream lol.
Oh, yeah. This happens, too. Also classic.
The girls corner Louis and shove The Secret World Of Girls flier at him like “WHAT IS THIS?!” I love how Louis says “I’ve never seen that before in my life!” when it literally says “Louis Stevens Presents.” HAHA. Nice try, buddy.
In the end, the girls decide to get back at Louis by holding him against his will and giving him a makeover. This always made me a little uncomfortable, not gonna lie. Steve and Eileen come home from their date and are introduced to “Louise” in the makeup chair. They obviously have to know that “she’s” Louis and they’re definitely concerned lol.
Also, the whole makeover thing is sorta ripped right outta this 1996 episode of Hey Arnold! The girls torture Harold with a makeover after they catch the boys peeking in the window during their sleepover. It’s cute in a cartoon, but in live-action, it’s just plain creepy looking.
The episode ends with Louis alone in the house, still tied up with an itchy facemask on, when Beans appears and tortures him with that darn pirate joke. (I’ve seen a few people point out this continuity issue before, but when we see Louis in the chair -- his hands are tied on his lap at first, and in the next shot they're tied behind his back. Oops.)
Having his hands behind his back at least makes a lot more sense than having them on his lap because his body isn’t even tied to the chair??? Why’s he sitting there like a hostage?! He can just get up and walk away lol.
Steven Anthony Lawrence did an interview just a few days ago where he says he actually did that very same pirate joke for his audition! I guess the writers liked it and wrote it into his debut episode! That’s so awesome. The funny little gag in the episode is that we never hear the end of the joke, though. So the punchline remains one of the great mysteries of the world...
And that’s it!
*Whew!* Okay. So. The biggest thing that helps make this episode enjoyable to me these days is the fact that the girls win in the end -- because there’s no way the writers could allow Louis to get away with this. But even though the girls technically win, Louis still got his suit of armor! Presumably from the money he made in this episode. We see the suit in “Where In The World Is Pookie Stevens?” when Steve gives a rundown of Louis’ useless junk collecting dust in the basement:
It would’ve been nice to see Louis face a harsher, more serious punishment for this particular scheme than just the girls torturing him with a makeover in retaliation. It was incredibly invasive and, as I’ve stated, could probably land him in jail!! The fact that he charged money for it makes it even worse!!! It’s strange that he would still end up with the suit because I’m sure this incident would lead to Steve and Eileen finding out and I highly doubt Steve would allow Louis to buy the suit after that. He’d probably make Louis give everyone their money back as well because why the heck does Louis deserve to profit from what he did?!
I don’t wanna end this review sounding like Debbie Downer, but I’m mainly ranking this one so high to appease other fans of the show. If I wasn’t taking that into consideration, this would probably be ranked closer to #15 than #1 but.. I know how popular this episode is and understand why people love it. But dang. Some of it has not aged well. I know it’s all supposed to be ‘innocent’ to a degree (I mean, they’re 13 and Louis’ motivation is a silly suit of armor!) but there’s definitely blatant implications in there.
Even though I’m not a massive Beans fan, this episode marks his arrival to the Even Stevens-verse. This introduction to him is pretty fantastic and we all know he’s gone on to become a giant meme and one of the most memorable TV characters, so this is a pretty monumental episode in that regard.
Negative things aside, this is obviously a solid episode. I know I’ve come down a little harsh on it, which is weird considering I’m ranking it at #2, but there’s plenty to like here. This is pretty much a Louis vs. Ren sort of episode, which is what the show was built on -- so that works really well. There are a lot of quality lines! If you put aside some of the sketchiness that comes with watching this episode as an adult, the humor is great and enjoyable -- which isn’t surprising. This is Even Stevens, man. This one meets all of my requirements other than “personal favorite” probably, but I feel like I can afford to put my personal feelings aside just this once.
This episode’s Redbubble design is a reproduction of that iconic flier! You can get it as a poster, sticker, or on a t-shirt!
I made it light yellow and gradient because it looked UGLY in the original solid bold yellow. Yuck.
Well...
We’ve finally made it! If you’re a big enough fan of the show (which I’m sure you are if you’re actually reading this blog) I’m assuming you’ve done the math at this point and know which episode is left. But, if you’ve been keeping up with my reviews from the beginning and have a good sense of the kinda person I am, you’ve probably had it figured out for a while now. I really can’t believe I’m gonna be clicking “post” on my final episode review next week. Unreal and very bittersweet to think about honestly. Thank you so much for reading. I’ll save the mushiness for later.
