Loved, a Postmortem
Another tale of me not wanting to write this up, and then remembering that these are my versions of journal entries to refer back to.
Sigh.
On with the dissection!
A Rehash for Those Unaware
This post is the source, but yeah: Loved, then going by the name "Folded" was drafted and written in December 2023.
Confession. I was supposed to fucking REST during the holidays. I was supposed to finish my little reading challenge and spend time with my family, and even if the holidays weren’t holi-daying, just focus on my family who I do love dearly and could stand to show it more. yeah um so like I got to talking with some friends??? I mentioned this before lol. but I got to talking. and I got inspired. and then the next thing I knew, I was taking time away from what should have been spent on HSD (if I was gonna be stubborn and careless with said rest) annnnnd started working on Secret Project. or what my sibling calls Secret Project 2025–because I told them that this project wasn’t supposed to be worked on until 2025.
I go on to say that Crushed was a faster process from brain to finished draft than Loved, which required more work on my part. For one, I feel a kinship to Corey, and Jacob was quick to remind me that he is not his boyfriend, lol.
In other posts, I've also shared that along with being called "Folded", Jacob's game was going to be a kinetic novel...HA. And that I worked on it with the purpose of getting to Keegan's story. Well friends, I needed to live a little more life and read a few more books and have a few more conversations, and cry a lot more tears to discover that Keegan's story was not ready to be written in 2023. That's okay🥹
Inspiration and Dedications
Alice Oseman and Keith F. Miller Jr. (the latter who I've had the ABSOLUTE pleasure being in contact with!!!) have given me a huge gift in their works that in a way I am giving back. I don't share it much here in this space, but I am an avid lover of Boys Love media. I'm a lil picky about what I consume, but I have a healthy collection of favorites across different medias and genres.
That said, Corey (and Jacob) would have never seen the light of day or become a thing if not for Heartstopper and Pritty (and Togetha)!!!!
Lessons Learned, Scars Earned
Oof, where the hell do I begin with this section?
Sensitivity readers
I had Big Plans to include the Tagalog language among other things, but life happens and emergencies come up, so that content was removed and we just try again in the future!
Biphobia. Fucking Biphobia.
Cackling because Crushed dropped in 2023 and now I feel like EVERYONE is friggin biphobic unprompted?? When I drafted a certain scene for Loved, referenced in the content warnings, I thought it was a bit too dramatic to happen outside the confines of the game. Now I know that shit would totally happen now and it makes me a little sick. But I kept it because biphobia cannot go unchecked or ignored. Keegan and Jacob don't play about Corey, and I sure as hell don't either!!!! 😂
Confidence in my writing
I thiiiiiink Loved is a pretty good marker for how I've improved as a writer from HSD # 1 and Crushed?? I hope?? There are lines I'm still surprised I wrote, so there's that.
The Problem (With Me Writing) Male MCs: A Plague
OOOOOOO y'all (in general not directed at you, dear reader) piss me all the way OFFFFFF!! I did some soul searching and some deep breathing exercises and they didn't really work lol. But I did come to the decision that Jacob (and possibly Oke, we'll see) will be the last playable m!MC I write for HBG projects. Which is funny if you remember that Crushed only happened because I decided to break my own rules and write the story I needed. But given the current climate, it's killed any future inclinations I have to write m!MCs, and has refocused my efforts on writing f!MCs/femme experiences.
I know that's either going to upset some people or possibly piss some off, but I don't know what else to say. I'm a Black woman writing games and to get nasty that I write about girls and women when my regular life experiences already tell me I'm worthless is craaaaazzzzyyy....
Advertising on the Butterfly App and "putting myself out there"
I think I do my best marketing when I don't package it in a formal way. I also still hate that I have to be perceived in order to get people to play my games instead of them randomly stumbling upon it 😂..😩..🥴.. Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew.
Scope Creep, except it's more like Scope Jumpscare. Boo!
I actually did really well this round, okay??? I only tripped up at the finish line due to returning to my original and very reasonable wants. (Remember @ Bluesky peeps, the epilogue I said I'd rewritten 4 times?? Yeah, I still wanted what you see in the very last scene before the game ends 😉)
But. I do better overall when I plan extra stuff out, espeically features outside of the standard text, sprites, bgs, a cool and free or cool and paid UI. Otherwise I'm like a hungry person going to the grocery store without a list as my deadline looms.
I'd considered multiple times commissioning (more) CGs for Loved and CGs in general for Crushed, but I came to my senses and realized crunch is for potato chips, not my mental health or the mental health of others ahaha.
To the Future!
This is post is long enough, so I'll just reiterate that Keegan story, Devoted is on the way. I still have HSD:JY 2 work long term, and whatever projects pop up between now and later, but. Nothing will keep me from seeing Keegan get her time to shine (and the love she is so deserving of.) Oke plays a huge part--and I'm dying to finally write the ace rep of my dreams--but it's mostly Keegan's show now. I'm so excited to see where she takes me.
Thanks for reading and continuing to be on this game development journey with me,
- Gemini🌟