some people don’t get it and i don’t think it’s something i can make someone understand. i care about my friends so much, i am so fond of them, and i literally adore them with all my heart. but i feel so disconnected from what love is and means (especially in the english language). god, i want to explain to my friends that i want to return the “i love you’s” but it feels awkward and stilted when i say it because it’s not that, that isn’t what i feel. i feel so deeply for them, i would rather jump in front of a bullet for them then be the one who has to watch them get hurt, but i feel slightly uncomfortable using “love” as a way to describe it, because i don’t understand love and what it’s supposed to mean; it’s a distant and unfamiliar concept to me. the problem is that there are so many thing people use the word “love” for but there’s no genuine replacement that means the same or even more in the english language and i’m scared that if i respond with “i adore/am fond of you” it won’t come off the way i want.