Stage One: My First ‘real’ Crush
I think I have a crush on someone. Cowok, kakak kelas gue di sekolah, anak band, posisi bassist. Sebenernya ini clicé banget alurnya tapi, I fell in love at the first sight. First time I saw him, like ever, adalah ketika dia muncul di demo ekstrakurikuler sekolah gue sebagai perwakilan band. Gue pertama kali liat dia tuh langsung kayak, ‘wow okay, who’s he? The charismatic guy with a guitar in his hands?’ (saat itu gue masih belom tau kalau ternyata yang dia pegang itu bass, simply karena gue gak tau alat musik aja sih). Then, he sang a song that I familiar with but honestly really don’t know what song he’s singing. But, I fell. For him. And simply because I like men who’s enjoy what he’s doing. And I saw it from him. He is LOVE to play that bass and also have I said that he's also a singer? Like whoa, I mean he’s not that great singer but hey who am I to judge? I can’t even sing myself so it’s fair tho.
Gue yakin gue suka sama dia ketika dia senyum cerahhhh banget saat dia nyanyi sambil mainin bass, saking asyiknya dia sampai loncat-loncat. Dan gue juga masih inget ekspresi wajah dia yang teased his bandmate yang mutusin senar gitar di tengah-tengah perform, gue bahkan masih inget apa yang dia bilang,
“Lo sih terlalu bersemangat, santai aja santai mainnyaaa.” He said it, with a grin on his face and damn I love it.
Sehabis itu, gue pikir gue gila. Because how can I suddenly have a crush with a guy who I don’t even know the name? and honestly he’s not that handsome. But, he’s cute and sweet and look the happiest when he’s playing a bass. But then, gue liat dia lagi untuk kedua kalinya di kelas gue. like hell, lo tau ga seberapa gila dan pusingnya gue ketika liat cowo yang gue taksir baru satu minggu tiba-tiba dengan sendirinya muncul di hadapan muka lo? Ketika bahkan lo sudah berhasil menyadarkan diri bahwa lo itu cuma kesepian dan rasa suka itu gak nyata. Fuck it, gue senyum sepanjang dia ngomong dan bahkan curi-curi pandang ketika dia masih di kelas.
Tapi emang dasarnya gue bodoh dalam mengingat, khususnya dalam mengingat nama orang. Gue lupa nama dia siapa bahkan ketika dia dengan jelas-jelas memperkenalkan dirinya tepat di hadapan gue. stupid, fuckin stupid. Setelah itu dengan gilanya gue malah semakin memperhatikan dia yang gue bahkan gak tau namanya, but I know his face so well so it’s fine.
Then, kemarin kayaknya gue beneran memastikan bahwa gue naksir dia. Gue bahkan rela ngetweet tentang dia di tengah-tengah acara 17-an, even gue rela scroll ig anak band Cuma buat nyari akun ig dia yang ternyata isinya sampah. Haduh real, gila sih gue and I even laughing at myself right now while writing this shit. But hell yeah, I did found his ig with a comedic-ironic username. Kayaknya dari usn ignya aja gue bisa nebak ni orang kelakuannya gimana, selengean. And fuck, I love it even more I don’t even know why. Because let’s be honest okay? My ideal type of man is the perfect leader Kim Namjoon (ofc yes, even with this love diary I keep mentioning his name bcs omg Namjoon is the love of my life periodt). Back to this boy ig’s account, yes not only with his comedic-ironic usn, the photos are gave me a ‘selengean’ vibes really well.
Honestly, HONESTLY. The first photo of his on his ig’s acc is giving me a red flag bcs, he’s smoking and proudly tell the world that he’s smoking. BUT again, NIKI songs are very much relateable in this situation bcs she said on her song Keeping Tabs, ‘The red flag wave, the alarms sound off.’ That’s me when I saw your smoking pics that are posted on your ig’s acc. Funny how I literally almost give up to find your acc bcs what the hell with that pfp of yours? Gue kira lo tuh jamet cileungsi tau gak. Anjing dah untung gue nyadar itu elo karena ponytail that you have. Oh iya, for the first time gue liat dia nguncir rambutnya ponytail (walaupun pendek) tapi gue shock dan makin gila karena dia ganteng banget shit. Anyway, that’s why I recognize your shitty ass pfp. And hell yeah gak sampai di situ aja bikin gue gilanya karena, the second photo he’s posting is him with that ponytail hair. Dengan caption ‘on the way back to c***c****** ig’s profil picture.’
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that I’m drolling over you on the cooking-platting competition. Fuck the meal, YOU are the meal cuz how can you be so fine with that cheap ass black t-shirt, bracelet, and necklace while you’re cooking with that surprisingly appetizing course meal. I learn a new thing from you that day, you’re a guy with art taste. You like rock-ish band music with brokenhearted lyrics (even tho idk what songs you’re singing and that’s not the type of music I listen on daily, but it’s fine it’s your taste anyway), you can cook (damn I love man who can cook bcs I can’t), you can edit photos (very anak dkv of you :p ), you can make your own song (your band name The Equal Mistakes and apparently you are releasing your first single), and the fact you are a boy with an art soul is making me fell over heels for you.
The fact that I am very aware that you are all girl’s crushses is making me jealous (even tho I don’t have rights for that). Well, you are loveable, humble, take a part in pensi, playing a bass, singer, and a creative lead. Fyuhhh what a perfect reasons for girls to making you their crush. And fuck it, I’m one of those girls who’s making you my first ‘real’ crush. While I’m the other side is someone who’s forgetted. People attend to forgetting me, or even couldn’t recognize me in every occasion. So, I’m very exciting to know how this will be end? But I put my batting on, ‘I will uncrush you bcs of my inferiority complex, or simply bcs I don’t have any courage to crushing on you.’ Because at the very end, I always lose and this time I will too.
But, it’s okay at least I have some good time crushing on you. I am attend to having more smile when I saw you, and that’s it. That’s enough for a pathetic romantic like me. Thank you, for you whom I don’t even know the name, but I like you and see you later. Later in the time when I’m not a coward anymore, and have enough power and courage to liking you, and for you to liking me back too.
someone who you don’t even know is exist.
