Emotional Triggers
I have been so emotional. I truly understand why. I miss my kids, I feel that empty nest and although I am so happy for Caitlin graduating from college, I want her little, and long to see her back in braces. I intellectually get it. My son, though, I feel robbed of my time with him through his teenage years. His addiction started early, and early on, due to boundaries that I intellectually believe it, he has not lived here in quite some time. I just miss him. I miss him singing in the shower, to his loud rap music... I miss his charm, his smile and his energy! I know that in active addiction, he was very hard to be around.... But these days, I am missing my Stephen. I can't go back, I know that. But I cherish those memories, and I can allow my mind, to wander back at a memory, just sit on it. I can feel it and touch it. But when I do that, it also unbalances me... While I go back, and try to touch those beautiful memories, I also end up so emotional and worst yet, the areas that I have conquered, trigger. My fears and worries, of addiction. I learned, that this morning, that I am just not ready to sit and linger over those memories, not quite yet... I want them, but I can't handle it right now. As I wipe a tear, knowing that one day, God will allow me to be OK with my memories, without it triggering so much in me... Emotional Triggers... They hijack the brain. I actually read something today, that helps me intellectually fight, understanding the brain is key. Here it is https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20140729215836-4230325-understanding-neuroscience-helps-manage-emotional-triggers I read something today:As I turn toward acceptance, I reconnect with my impulse to love. It is time for me to extend beyond my loss, to stop defining my life by it. In the heart of surrender, there is an urgent life force wanting to push out and express itself. It is love. I allow for this alchemy to occur, for transformation to happen, in subtle and simple ways. So all these emotions... Life force, love, God. I pray that today, I channel my energy in His love, and surrender. I pray that do will use these emotions for good. For His will, for my life.