#lovewithall10

[lovewithall10]

Maybe I'll write our story to get you out of my system.

One about what actually happened.

One about what could have happened.

And one about what could happen if real life reflected my dreams...

Or maybe I'll keep it all to myself and continue to pine for you.

[lovewithall10]

...I continue to miss you when I should 't: late at night, early in the morn, and the time in between...and then I wonder how little you must think of me...

[lovewithall10]

Prayer Request

Hi.

I know it's been awhile, but my dad had exploratory surgery today and there were some heart complications afterward...we dont know much but he was released already...but if it isn't too much of a bother, could yall send up a thought or prayer? I'd really appreciate it.

[lovewithall10]

Choose Happiness

Tried being nice to a woman on the train who had just been treated rudely by another commuter and she had the nerve to be rude to me. She's lucky I held back and didn't tell her anything like I wanted to.

[lovewithall10]

This Close

My father pissed me off Wednesday by asking if I would be cool with meeting those things he spewed at my cousin's baby's party tonight. He laughed and asked if one day. I told him I know my only siblings.

I never felt anger like that.

Today he brought them with him when he came to pick up my grandma for lunch. I saw them in the car. I then heard him whispering to my sister asking if they could meet the baby when shes already said no.

I got involved and told him no and if he asks again he will lose me.

He laughed and said he wasn't talking to me.

I told him I didn't care.

Then those things got out of the car and in my walkway.

I saw them. I said it out loud.

He ran out of the house as my oldest sister and I watched in anger and shock.

I am this close to kicking him out of my life forever and I will have no regrets doing so.

I am tired. I am angry. I demand my sisters', Mom, and I get the respect we fucking deserve that he never gave us.

I am this close.

[lovewithall10]

I lost both my best friends and I...I lost them...

they were like my sisters. we didn't agree on certain things. but they were family. but I don't do well with family, do I?

I want to reach out to them...that would be the 3rd time I reach out to LMV in 9 years and the 1st to ABM in over 13...a part of me wants to. but I'm tired of being the to try to patch it all up.

[lovewithall10]

It just hit me that I lost my best friend of over 13 years.

[lovewithall10]

today was good

despite the fact that I went to bed past 4AM reading a fabulous book on Wattpad, I woke up at 10AM, watched fútbol with my family (still heartbroken that Argentina and Spain and even Germany have been eliminated); hung out with said family; baked brownies (which tasted like cherries according to my sister thanks to an almond substitute), snickerdoodles, and chocolate chip cookies all from scratch; watched a bit of Thor; and listened to some amazing music.

so yeah.

today was actually a good day.

thank you, God.