My heart feels a little bit like it’s in whiplash. I’m trying to remind myself of my growth but sometimes I feel like that same girl.. the one who allowed herself to cross so many boundaries just to feel “love”. The one who let impulsive anger take away what she was truly trying to say. I wish I listened more. But see then I realize I miss the parts of us that weren’t us the last few years. Before the changes. When boba and music was all that mattered. Sometimes I find myself thinking of how my life has changed and I catch myself smiling at the past and the future.
I have been blessed to know love. Passionate and destructive but still real. And now I am in an era of peace.. of making us breakfast, me cooking and you cleaning, you roll the Js and make me one just the way I like it, we binge watch movies and laugh like idiots. It’s so natural and yet it’s not the same. Not the same inside jokes or the same feelings. Not the same dynamic or same season. So much has changed but I am still me, building new personas and reminding myself I’m free.
He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t make me worry. We haven’t argued or fought.. it’s peaceful.
Sometimes I miss the chaos.. the passion.. the fire.. but then I remember how burned I got and gladly settle back into my surroundings.
My brain is so used to thinking of you, I feel like I’m rewriting circuits to get this right. Questioning every thought and it’s origin.
Love makes us do crazy things but I know better now. I will yell “cut” on our story in my mind.. I already know how it plays out.
It’s my turn to be happy where I am.
Honestly, this valentines was perfect.
We laughed, his gifts were sentimental and so thoughtful, we made breakfast and binge watched and we fell into the silent hum of our routine.
Thank you for not only treating me like a lady, but also as a wife. A priority. A number one. It means more than you know.
