Despite all of Jacks complaints, Robby has in fact dated people in the past. It devastates him, but he has had to go through “supporting” Robby during all of his flings before both him and Jack finally decided to just bite the bullet and get together. He saw all the women that looked at Robby with a hungry look in their eyes that made Jacks skin crawl. He saw all the men that look at Robby like he hung the moon and stars. That one, especially, got him going. He was the one who always made that face, yet Robby never acknowledged it until their drunken kiss.
To further his disappointment, about five months into their relationship, Robby admitted to rarely feeling fulfilled in his past relationships. Besides Janey, he said how most of the time it was to fill his time so he wouldn’t be alone.
When Jack had asked him why he was so scared of being alone, Robby shared two facts about his life. One being his mother leaving him when he was younger. The second being the first man he ever dated, and, from what Robby shared, Sean was a mean man.
Never outwardly violent. Robby had to clarify that as soon as he saw Jacks jaw tighten and his brows furrow. He wasn’t violent, ever. But, he got cruel. He’d spew words and statements that Robby shouldn’t have ever been in the vicinity of.
During that conversation, Robby claimed to be mostly over it. which, honestly, Jack believed. It was obvious that short yet messy relationship took its toll on Robby, but it was also obvious that he was moving on, has been moving on.
“It doesn’t hurt that I’m with you now, either,” he remembers Robby saying as he looked at Jack with the exact look Jack only ever reserved for him. A softness in his brown eyes that made Jack melt at the sight of them.
Jack had laughed, a soft laugh he reserved for Robby because he knew how much the other man loved the way his eyes crinkled, or how his teeth showed, or how he would tip his head back slightly.
That was that. A part of Robby’s past that clears up certain qualities of him. They moved on. They didn’t ignore it, but they moved on with a bit of a heavier weight upon their relationship. A newfound trust due to quiet confessions in the moonlight of the living room.
Jack never forgot it. He never forgets what Robby says. Unless he is looking at his mouth, or his hands, or his eyes, or….
“Jack, are you listening to me?” Robby asks with a playful smile.
With a small hum, Jack lifts his eyes from where they were planted on Robby’s hand which is holding a small glass with a silky, amber liquid.
Right.
They were on a small date night at their favorite bar, trying to disconnect from their busy lives and just be together, in the moment. Yet, Jack got stuck in memory lane as he watched Robby’s hands move around. He could practically feel the ghost of Robby’s hand on his back, or his hair, or his hip. All places they were a mere forty minutes ago, even after Jacks many protests of their need to get out and do something as a couple, not coworkers, a couple.
“Oh, yeah?” Robby counters, obviously trying to hold back a small giggle. “What was I talking about then?”
“Yeah, you know what, brother-“ Jack starts, trying to get some small banter going which he always loves doing with Robby. But, he is interrupted by another man walking over to their stools by the bar. Before he can turn around to see whose footsteps those belong too, he sees a flash of uncertainty and dread flash over Robby’s face which he quickly hides with a weak smile.
“Michael!” The man behinds them bellows. Jack whips his head around to see who it is, but it isn’t a face he’s ever seen.
“Sean!” Robby says back, trying to match Sean’s cheeriness as he glances at Jack to share a help me look. His smile is tight and his eyes are wider than any smile should make them be.
“Ha! God, how long has it been?” Sean says with a toothy smile that churns Jack stomach. Like shark teeth, he thinks. He isn’t looking at Robby like he hung the moon and the stars, and for some reason, that makes Jack more annoyed if he did. Instead, he looks at him with a a glint in his eye that Jack has learned to never trust in men like Sean. Big, tall, a fight most men would lose.
“Yeah… it’s been a bit, hasn’t it?” Robby replies as he ducks his head down. Normally, Jack would have to hide how cute he finds Robby’s bashfulness, but the red blush that washes over Robby’s face is missing. Now, it just seems that he is making himself smaller with the way his shoulders hike up.
“Who’s this?” Sean asks as he points a finger in Jacks direction. In Jacks mind, he has no idea how Robby is going to go about this. Keep their relationship a secret? Lie? Tell the truth?
“Oh, this is my boyfriend, Jack,” Robby replies, as he gives his first real smile since Sean came in. A smile only for Jack, no one else. “Jack… Sean.”
“Hi,” Jack says curtly, not wanting to waste his time on the man that can make Robby seem so small and scared. Not of fists, but of words, a weapon Robby has never been able to defend himself from successfully. Fists be can fight back, all 6’1 of him can, yet never words.
Sean doesn’t even give Jack the time of day. He opts for a quick chuckle that Jack doesn’t trust the humor behind and turns his head right back to Robby.
“Still going for men, huh?” He says, coldly, any humor now replaced by his own evil intent of hurting for fun. “Thought you’d be over that little phase of yours.”
“Yeah, well if I remember correctly, you had your own phase too,” Robby bites back. A way of nature he learned after Sean. Taking any comment and thinking it as an attack due to the harsh words he faced.
“Nah, you were just easy back then-“
“Alrighty!” Jack says, cutting off Sean with the slam of his whiskey class and he fakes his own cheeriness. “I’m just trying to have a nice night out Robby here, so if you could leave us be.”
Sean chuckles again, shaking his head as he bows it down. Again, Jack doesn’t find any humor in the sound, hating the way it grates itself out of the man’s throat. A violent sound, really. Jack doesn’t really think there is any thing gentle about this man.
“He needs another man to fight his battles now, does he?” Sean says, looking straight at Robby who is looking anywhere but the man’s eyes. “You were always like that huh? Had a baby face and everything too.”
Those words must have hit close to home because soon enough Robby, whose head is still angled towards the ground, does the smallest shake as he grips the bar table with his hand. What does Jack in is the tears he can see welling in Robby’s eyes.
How many times has this exact moment happened between the two? How many times has Robby denied and denied and denied, but nothing will ever fulfill the other man? How many tears shed?
With that, Jack whips out his wallet, slams a twenty down on the counter. He grabs Robby’s hand, and starts to quickly lead the two of them out of the bar, far away from Sean. Far away from a past Robby has already escaped.
“Leave him the fuck alone, you hear me?” Jack snarls, leaving before he hears a response.
In a previous life, Jack might have even threw a punch. Maybe in this life he would have too. God knows he wanted to. But the sight of Robby making himself so incredibly small in such a practice way, no fists are going to fix that. Nothing will change that man. Distance was the solution.
He hears a sound that comes from Sean that a offly loud. He doesn’t give it the time of day, all of his focus being on leading Robby out.
Soon enough, they are exiting the back door of the bar and entering the familiar sidewalk. It’s open, people can walk by and see them, but the time of day — almost midnight — and the somewhat secludedness of the certain neighborhood they are in is enough to make Jack feel safe enough to just stop for a moment.
Robby’s hand quickly retracts from Jacks. Jack opens his mouth to say something, anything, but it cut off before he can.
“I’m sorry, it wasn’t even that bad when we were together-“ Before Robby can finish, Jack is too taken by the far away look Robby’s eyes are sporting, the way his hands are slightly presented out in front of him, shaking. He shoots forward and wraps his arms around Robby’s neck, brings his hands up to run through his hair, and just holds on to him.
“Robby… it doesn’t have to be this tragic story for you to be uncomfortable or scared around him, okay?” All Jack hears is a hum as he feels Robby’s head slightly nod in his hands. It isn’t enough, though. Jack tilts Robby’s head back and holds eye contact. “Okay?” He repeats.
With watery eyes and a shaky breath, Robby takes a slow inhale, all while holding eye contact, and nods his head. “Okay.”
“Good.”
Neither of them say much in the next few moments, content to just stand there. They are still looking at each other, and Jacks hands are still in Robby’s hair. What a sight they must be, but, honestly, Jack couldn’t care less. If Robby needed another 30 minutes, and hour, two, he would stay here for every minute if it’s what Robby needed to take a breather. It isn’t until Robby’s slight shifting becomes more apparent that Jack realizes that it might be time to get out of here.
“How about we get out of here?” Jack says, relishing in the small nod he gets from Robby. “I know we have way better whiskey at your apartment. I mean, come on brother, I know this is our favorite bar, but god… we could do better.”
Robby laughed, a noise that was like church bells to Jack.
That was that. They walked home in the moonlight of the city they have inhabited for longer than they haven’t. The memory not forgotten but shelved for the moments of their relationship. Heavier, sure, but it’s easy to carry with two sets of shoulders.
