you weren't down for forever (and it's fine)
. ✦⫘⫘⫘ˎˊ˗ ꒰ ben brown x lucas bowden
. ✦⫘⫘⫘ˎˊ˗ ꒰ angst
. ✦⫘⫘⫘ˎˊ˗ ꒰ everyone survived the 7th ghostface massacre, and lucas finally began his podcast. while he's interviewing ben, they go off topic and dive into their complicated history.
the small cracked device echoed a decisive click. ben didn't even know what it was supposed to do aside from the fact that it shouldn't work cause it looked straight of the 90s— just another remnant of lucas' numerous quirks. two small children ran past the park bench they occupied, their smiles completely unaware of the events that left ben and lucas with frankenstein stitches holding their mauled abdomens together.
lucas held up a shaky finger from his wrapped hand that clearly needs a gauze change, crimson seeping through the white material. he watched the timer run for five seconds (editing purposes) before clearing his throat. "good day, listeners, and welcome to 'the morgue' where we cover true crime events from the eyes of those who got to live to tell their story." his tone was far too engaged for someone who was almost impaled a week ago.
the thought has haunted ben ever since. if he didn’t run in just in time, then who knows what ghostface actually planned to do to lucas with the sharp end of a beer tap. "today, we have here the last of the 'pine wood five', my childhood friend ben brown." lucas looks up with his drowsy blue eyes, making ben swallow. "ben, how are you doing today?"
"i'm good, thank you." lucas thought the answer was too rehearsed, but he couldn't really blame ben. they've never been alone together ever since hannah's party a few months ago, and since then, they have never made even direct eye contact unless on accident. of course, he would be weirded out after what he did.
"i should be the one thanking you, ben." lucas diverted his eyes away quickly, leaving ben with a strange sensation of abandonment. he watches lucas lean to what he figures is his recorder. "you see, although this is common knowledge to anyone familiar with the story, ben managed to save me as i was being dragged across the tavern floor. he subdued my mother after being hit in the head and stabbed in the gut."
ben misses lucas' gesture for a comment for a whole five seconds before snapping back into reality. "right uh," ben says as lucas tries not to roll his eyes. "i would've done what anybody else would've." he looks at lucas with a particular half-lidded gaze that made him grip the steel bars that he sat on. still, he shook off the blooming feeling and hit the stop button.
"you're lying." lucas' comes off more cross than he intended, but he couldn't care less.
ben's brows tightened, completely unsure why lucas stopped. "what do you mean?"
"you're giving me rehearsed answers, ben. you're not being truthful, you're obviously hiding behind it." a cruel fist tightens lucas' heart inwards, still not able to face ben directly. "if you didn't want to do this interview, you could've said no. tatum said no. mr and mrs. evans said no."
"you didn't exactly give me a choice, lucas." ben didn't intend to match the razor sharp edge of his friend's tone, but all the pent up hurt that he kept buried was threatening to break through his chest. "you never want to talk to me. you never want to look at me. even when i took you to the hospital and saved your motherfucking life, i only got a thank you now."
"well if you're going to hold that over my head then maybe you shouldn't have saved me!" lucas jerks his bad hand to grab his recorder and storm out of the park, but a sharp pain shoots up his entire system. it felt like his arm was shredded into pieces again. "fuck!"
"calm the fuck down." ben immediately shifted forward to hold lucas' arm down. "breathe, lucas. i'm not your enemy here." he carefully pulls away the metal clips and unravels the gauze. there wasn't not much bleeding aside from the ones that already existed around his stitches. "it looks good, you probably just stressed it."
lucas watched ben redo his dressing, biting his lips when ben's warm fingertips grazed his skin. he hated the way ben could still set fire to his whole body with his slight touch. hated the way he wanted to commit another mistake when ben pulls back and runs his hand through his blond hair.
"what did i ever do to you?" ben brought down his voice into a deeper tone. he didn’t want to confront, he just wanted to understand. "why did we stop being friends?"
lucas looks out the tall trees surrounding the grassy park, the orange light began to shatter through the gaps. "you know why. and i know you don't want to go back there."
there it was. ben was correct with his suspicion all along. "i do want to go back there, lucas. you kissed me at hannah's party. and i didn't push you away. i held you. i did everything right. you were the one who ran away." he watched the shadows dance around lucas' face, and all he could think about was how the orange tint perfectly went with his brown locks. "you were the one who avoided me for almost a year now."
lucas' tears stung harder than ben's words. "because i wanted you to be angry at me, ben. i wanted you to push me away. to never talk to me." he finally met ben's eyes. the ocean blue lights that was easy to drown in and make him beg for air. "when you kissed me back, i— i never thought about that possibility. i didn't know what to do."
"i told you to make a decision." ben winces slightly as he crosses his arms across his chest, some wounds still fresh there. "i was willing to throw whatever i had away for the hell of it. i waited for you to pull me aside and tell me you loved me so i could tell you the same. and what did you do? nothing. you acted like i was a stranger.
a strangled gasp escaped lucas, hand rattling against the table. "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry." he sobbed.
"i get it. you weren't down for forever and it's fine. but you don't get to blame me for being scared when i could've made you braver. you don't get to tell me i'm a liar when i owned the truth for the both of us." ben reached forward to grab his sweater and leave, but instead he draped the cotton material around lucas' shaking shoulders. "take care, lucas. talk to me again."
lucas held the sweater tighter around himself, inhaling the remnants of ben's lemony musk. he might've said that it was fine that lucas can't be brave enough for them, but it wasn't. cause once again, they were both alone.
