#luchiwrites

[luchifair]

My last letter to you…

You said you loved me every chance you could, it felt like an obligation created by habit than true expression. Those words were fluent in your vocabulary because you knew I longed to be loved. You spoke with ease, you comforted me when I feared the world around me. I was timid at the thought of change, so you coming and going didn't spark a reason for debate, you always came back so that was my reason to stay, my reason to wait. I didn't think of the miles between us or the life you lived without me, I only dreamed of us, we were the only story I replayed. I was emotionally manipulated by your use of words I failed to see the let downs in your actions. I was fooled by your charm I failed to see the toxic cycle forming. I was vulnerable, weak, and yearning... your bait to keep destroying me while making me believe we were closer to being, except we could never be. You were the worst for me. You broke down the walls I worked years building. I let you cross boundaries I couldn't hold in place. I made you my safe place and without you I felt indisposed. I craved you and you played on me and even played me. You had this whole universe without me. You were my hardest heartbreak but my greatest lesson of love. You taught me love shouldn't ever lead to my own demise. You taught me love should always start within. You taught me to love in the most unhealthy way would only destroy me. There was always a reason for us, it just wasn't what I wanted. The attachment was always one sided for a reason, it was to teach me to love with boundaries and proper foundation because in order to be embraced I had to be loved and not allow anyone to demolish me in the process.

[luchifair]

January. A letter to myself.

©️ Yellow Space (photo)

Dear Self,

First, I would like to tell you how proud I am of you. Life hasn’t been all smooth for you lately, and I wanted to apologize for that. But despite all that, you managed to keep your head high and fight through. You should be proud of what you’ve gone through, most specially, of what you’ve become.

I hope you stop being so hard on yourself. All these pain, frustration, hurt… they will make sense one day. And it will be worth it. Everything happens for a reason and you are exactly where you need be right now. So breathe, be patient, and trust the process of life. Accept reality and life for what it is. Let go of all expectations you managed to create inside your head.

You are perfect just the way you are, especially with your flaws. Promise me that you will accept those that make you different from others and embrace it as it makes you unique. Even though you think you are broken, beauty is shining through your brokenness. You aren’t as broken as you think you are! You are stronger than any of these things that tried to tear you down. Please, again, try not to be hard on yourself. You’re doing the best you can to survive.

You deserve the world, sweetheart. And maybe a little more. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are enough. Try not to rely so much on other people for your happiness. You do you.

Stop worrying about some boy. You are so much more than being a girlfriend or a wife. There is so much more in life than a guy. You have to be patient and positive while you wait for love. Just because you’re not in a relationship yet, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved.

Learn to completely love yourself before you try to love another. Be selfless, love like you have never felt pain before. You are so strong, dear. You’ve been through a lot and you’re winning. You never did let the world break you, and please… don’t ever let it. Gracefully let go of the people and things that are not meant to stay. Learn to accept things the way they are.

Thank you for being so tough, for not giving up on life. You deserve nothing but the best. You deserve the world, and you know that. Go get it!

x,

Luchi

[luchifair]

A much needed rest.

I haven’t posted anything for the past two weekends given that I lost someone close to my heart to COVID-19. It was an eye-opening event to me and my friends. Life, indeed, is short. Make the most out of it.

I have then decided to go on a quick vacation, which I’m not sure if I will write more about next week. Let me just enjoy thanksgiving for now. 😉

Here’s a photo from last weekend as a sneak peek.

YOLO.

[luchifair]

I will see you on the next 'Spring Day'

When someone we know dies, it turns our lives upside down. We grieve in many different ways over their death. Dealing with death, particularly the death of someone you love, is one of the most stressful experiences we can go through. It can be devastating and overwhelming. Even a new loss may remind you of earlier losses you've had, in which, you may grieve for again.

Grief affects people in different ways. There is no particular way you should be feeling, or time it will take for you to adapt to the death and feel more like yourself again. It’s important to let yourself grieve in your own way. This might include spending time on your own as part of coming to terms with the death, but it’s also good to talk to others and draw on their support.

Grief can make you more vulnerable to illness so try to look after yourself.

Sometimes, people feel that there’s no point in seeking help because it won’t bring the person who has died back. You can feel powerless when you’ve been bereaved. Remind yourself that your own life has a purpose and you can start finding things that will become important to you again. Talking to people about what has happened and how you are feeling can help.

“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller

[luchifair]

You are worth it.

As I was browsing through social media a few days back, I came across a quote which really struck me. It says, "If they want to leave, let them. You are worth staying for." It's not everyday that we come across something like this, but when it does, it would surely hit a spot. It would suddenly make you think of your worth.

I may have not been single for a long period of time, but I have done a lot of self-evaluation. The thing about a break-up is that you usually come out the other side of things stronger and more aware of what you have to offer. This is something that has helped me establish my sense of self-worth and set the standard for how I want other people to treat me or see me.

Since my last relationship, I have this thing I call "love me or leave me, your choice" mentality when it comes to getting to know people or maybe even in dating. It's because I know that the right person will appreciate me for who I am.

You must have heard of the saying "Know your worth, then add tax." I think that knowing your self-worth, standing up for what you know you deserve, is so underrated. Be it men or women, remember that no one is ever going to value you more than you do yourself.

When you know what you bring to the table, you become powerful. You realize a lot things—saying 'no' is less of a problem, speaking up is easy, being yourself in various relationships feels comfortable.

When you know your worth, you know that it's okay to walk away from something, or someone, that doesn't make you better. You know that if that person doesn't choose you, that person wasn't right for you, and it's not your loss.

Knowing your self-worth means having no problem in investing in yourself. It gives you the confidence in who you are and what you believe in. You know you are enough and you don't let people walk all over you. You take pride in your work, yet you are selective as settling is never an option. You never let your weakness and other people's opinion define you.

And you know what's the best thing about knowing your self-worth? You don't need constant reassurance because you believe that the right person will see your worth too.

Lately, I have been questioning my worth...so I needed to check on myself. It's not always easy to see your value on a day-to-day basis, because you know, shit happens sometimes. We would never be in control of everything. But during these moments, we have to pick ourselves up. And that is totally okay.

Always remember that there will never be another you. Keep in mind that knowing who you are and what your worth is, is your power. I hope this reminds you of it.

“You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.” – Zig Ziglar

[luchifair]

Should 'giving up' be an option?

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” — Thomas Edison

Indeed, our greatest weakness lies in giving up. May it be in a job we're working for, a belief we're fighting for, or a life we're trying to have. But have you noticed one thing? ALL THESE WE DO IN PURSUANT OF HAPPINESS, REGARDLESS OF OUR WEAKNESS.

There may be a lot of times we struggle to find the motivation to even fight the little devil inside our heads that says 'we can't'. There will also be a lot of times that people won't be there for us during the breakdown. What do we do when it happens? Do we just go with what this 'devil' tells us and just give up? Or do we try to find within ourselves the urge to try again?

It will never be an easy life.

People may throw rocks at you while you're trying to pick yourself up. Some may help you get back up. But always remember one thing...

No matter the situation, always go back to why you started. This is one good thing to think twice of. Is it worth the struggle? Is it worth every pain? Is it worth the stress and mental breakdowns? Is this something you really want?

If you answered 'yes' to all that, KEEP ON TRYING. Every downfall is part of the process to make you focus on your goal while making you stronger.

There are things you, yourself, can control—choosing the right people with the right mindset to help keep you motivated, choosing to be okay when everything else falls apart, and choosing to believe that all your efforts are not in vain.

All you have to do is to trust the process and keep on trying. Breakdowns will eventually bloom into breakthroughs.

[luchifair]

It's been a while...

It's been years since I last wrote something on any platform. I have been blocked by the thought that I am no good nor any better from how I do when I was younger.

Things have certainly changed.

I am a year into living a quiet life. Don't get me wrong, I love it. But there will always be times when I begin to miss how things used to be when I was a teenager. Adulting isn't fun all the time.

I know I used to wish I was all grown up so I could go out to travel, spend time with friends, make money. Now that I'm here, I wish I could be that little kid again, but wishing life would take things slowly.

I've had my fair share of ups and downs. It's not always fun. I lost people I love the most along the years, had my heart broken a few times, didn't get accepted for a position I applied for, battled with anxiety and depression...the list just goes on. But hey, I am where I am today because of those difficult times.

I recently listen to podcasts and watch vlogs and it actually helped me gain the confidence to write again. It's true that there will be people gaining something good from what someone else does even without them knowing it. And so it had me going...

I know life and love will never be easy. It's hella tough! But there will always be days better than the other. And if you look into where you're at right now, you'll know that you outdid yourself for the past days, weeks, months, or even years. Keep in mind that you will always be a better version of yourself every single day, even when you don't feel like it.

You got this.

x,

Luchi