Best Years
The breeze felt cold against Luke’s rosy cheeks as he stared at the city lights, bottle of whiskey in his hand ready to warm him up. He watched the people walk along the pavement; watched the seemingly small cars drive down congested motorways; watched the traffic lights change from green to red to green again; watched the restaurants and shops close down for the night. He watched everyone else live their normal and mundane lives; wondering what the hell he had been doing with his for the past few months. He turned away from the window with a defeated sigh, taking a couple steps forwards before crashing down on his king-sized bed. He watched the whiskey spill onto her side of the duvet too.
‘Her side.’ Luke mentally scolded himself for thinking that, knowing well that both sides now belonged to him. The green mug she just always had to have for her morning coffee, his. The bright paintings she had excitedly bought to decorate and bring life to the apartment’s walls, his. The striped cushion on the sofa that she often held against her chest, silently claiming it as her own, his. And despite all of the times he had reminded himself over and over that she was gone, he couldn’t stop thinking of their lives as intertwined.
Petunia padded into the room and climbed onto the bed, settling her body beneath the arm he had raised for her to do so. Luke stroked her back in hopes to bring her the comfort she so effortlessly brought him. He was grateful for Petunia. He grabbed her pillow, slightly disappointed because it no longer carried the sweet scent of her coconut shampoo, and rested beneath his head for comfort. Petunia nuzzled herself against him, earning a kiss to the top of her head.
The apartment was silent and Luke hated it. He missed the noise that came with her. Her footsteps around the house; the loud chatter from the tv shows she used to watch in the living room, claiming she needed to be able to hear the most subtle of sounds to get the full experience of the scene. Her laughter down the hallway. Her voice telling him to dance with her in the kitchen. Instead, all he could hear was the traffic coming from the window he had forgotten to shut.
Luke finally got up to close it, fed up of the cold he was letting into his home. He grabbed his phone to play a song, any song, to finally rid the room of the silence that tormented him. In a moment of rash irrationality, Luke found himself dialing her number instead. The palms of his hands felt clammier by the second as he listened to the phone ring repeatedly. His chest filled with a nervous swarm of butterflies as he heard her voice tell him to ‘leave a message after the beep,’ the first time he had heard her speak in the year he had spent without her.
“Uh, hi. It’s Luke,” he said softly, awkwardly, not knowing how to act after spending so many months away from her. “I know that it’s really late and that you hate me but I was calling because I miss you. I miss you so fucking much and I just want to be with you. I want to be with you in the mornings when you’re pissed off at the concept of time. I want to be with you in the evenings when you’re drunk on just two glasses of wine. I want to hold your hair when you drink too much, I want to carry you home when you’re too tired to stand up. I want to buy you roses or sunflowers or both. I want to chase behind you as we race towards the shore. I want to travel the world with you. And I want to kiss you - oh god, you’ve got no idea how much I yearn to kiss those lips of yours again. I want to love you, I want to marry you, I want to have that family we once talked about with you. Three kids that I can love as much as I love you. I want to hold your hand while we’re growing up. I know you’ve got a million reasons to hesitate because I gave you a million reasons to walk away, but baby, please, take me back,” Luke begged into the phone, hands desperately clutching the device as though she’d be able to feel the extent of his despair. “Take me back, please, I’ll give you the best years.”













