Ok. So it's not 3 a.m rn is nearly 11 a.m/will be 11 when this is posted. But anyhow. I have insomnia so I either go to bed late or wake up multiple times through the night if I go to be anytime before 12 a.m. Last night I went to bed at like 10:30 or so, and woke up multiple times. At one point I woke up at I think- 3:55 or so and was wide awake so I, for what ever reason decided to ask my headmates if any were awake. Then Shota tells me to shut up and go to sleep. I called him rude and he said "stfu and go to sleep" I did, but he was mad lol. Sorry Sho-chan~!
I think I should take a break from all this plural stuff. At least for me.
What I mean is not really posting anything on here about my plurality or anything like that. I still might look & interact with other plps posts but I think imma take a break from my stuff.
Undercut for something (part of system denial again) that recently happened and will be in quotes.
"I just can't take it anymore. I hate spiraling like this and I know it's not good to deny but- maybe it's all in my head. Maybe they're not real..."
"We are real."
"No you're not. I know this can be harmful for the system but I just- I can't take it. I'm just so tired of feeling like this, I'm not a system."
"Oh darling."
"Oh Honey."
(Those were at the same time)
All I am is pretending. I need to stop this... it's not healthy. I need to stop lying to myself and everyone else.
But you aren't. And the fact you feel that way just means otherwise doesn't it? (Both Vince & I. -Sho)
I know things are hard right know and it's confusing, but things will get better little cloud... (I'm Oboro I started forming on the 5th.)
But everything feels so fake and that **I'M** the one making you guys say things rather than you actually doing it. And the fact I've 'willowed' HM's basically so quickly after realizing, when it should be harder. Like literally a mixtive of Michael came just cuz I said "SPAWN IN!! SPAWN IN!!" Just to sing 'Like It Or Not' with Henry and I. No one just makes a headmate that way. And recently the whole thing where Shota and Hizashi suddenly add you into their relationship like it's my Yamazawakumo au be I(/Sho) literally cried over finding an EraserCloud Tumblr pg and the pics were cute so then I'm/we're sobbing even harder at class 1-A pics on Pint. Like- the immediate integration into their relationship. Do others really do that?? It seems like it's just another one of my AU's but different to my normal ones even for the FNAF crossover. And Victoria along with the Rosie & Kyle-Cole are rarely co-conscious and even more so rarely co-fronts. Like I know not everyone will co-front or even be co-conscious but still it's just- It all seems- wrong. So wrong.
It just takes time to get used to.
But I did, I completely- accepted that I'm plural when I thought I was. But now. The more I think of it, the more I realize it's probably not true. I'm sorry guys, if you are real, I really really am but it's driving me nuts. I just need a break...
(non quotes was a convo that happened just then)
I think I should just take a break from all this. Sorry if I
triggered anyone I tried to put what tw/cw's i could. Sorry again.
