#lunaspoems

[lunaslogs]

Periods are afraid of her

[colormoodzy]

In case y'all forgot, @lunaslogs is where everything is at.

[colormoodzy]

@lunaslogs @lunaslogs @lunaslogs <<

[lunaslogs]

Symbiosis & Separation - A Poem by Luna’s Logs

Your touch stains my skin like dried blood I can’t wash away.

But maybe I wasn’t meant to get rid of it anyway.

Your voice is embedded in the wrinkles of my brain like dirt in between my bedroom floorboards.

I hate to remember it but when I do, they sound like perfect chords.

We moved as one until we were done, not realizing how close we flew to the sun.

Burning like a sweet tragedy, our story being one of missed opportunities and time disappearing magically.

How did we stray so far from each other when we used to be the same? People only know you as the monster because I’m no longer around to keep you sane.

They don’t know of your struggles, the demons in your head. They don’t know the thoughts that keep you lying awake in your bed.

But maybe I’m that demon now. Maybe you think of me the way I think of you. Forever a part of your past and haunting your present no matter what you do.

Isn’t that why we keep coming back to each other? Coming back to a friendship that feels less like platonic love and more like a cover?

No one else understands, no one quite gets what I mean when we say we can’t shake the things we’ve heard and seen.

Lines blurring between “best” and “only” because those are the options you have when inside you feel lonely.

Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest and the last thing I want to do is grieve.

But we’ve grown and outgrown.

It’s time for us to leave.

[lunaslogs]

I Wanna Leave - A Poem By Luna’s Logs

I wanna leave but I don’t know where I would go.

Maybe somewhere people call a “nice neighborhood” and just lay low.

I’d take the Amtrak to a station in a place no one’s ever heard of and watch street pigeons turn to beautiful doves.

I wanna leave but I don’t know why.

I don’t have any problems here at home but I’m always here, all day, all of the time.

Maybe if I got out for a while, I could find myself and some purpose out there in the wild.

Turns out when you live in the same place your whole life, the things that used to be extravagant start feeling more mild.

I wanna leave but I have no plan.

Even if I had a destination, I’m not too keen on living in a van.

It’s not a bad choice, I just think if you’re searching for something, you wanna do all that you can.

What am I gonna do in god knows where? When I eventually run out of money and can’t pay a stupid bus fare? When the road gets too long and I no longer care?

I’d go to a shady club and meet danger. It’d be stupid but maybe I was always meant to meet this stranger.

I’d follow their crowd and get into trouble I was never supposed to be in. But after living in shades of purple and green, maybe it was time I tried a little crimson.

I wanna leave but what if I never wanna come back home?

All the things I love are the only things I’ve ever known. But there are greater things I have yet to be shown. Only 19, not quite an adult but still grown.

I wanna leave.

But is that something I really believe?

Or is it because of how stagnant I’ve become that I think things would improve if I found somewhere else to live and breathe?

Maybe not forever, but just for a little bit.

I’ve been so busy moving and trying to progress that I never really stepped back and let myself sit.

Is this the way I want to live?

Always running, always angry, never truly finding a way to forgive?

I wanna leave.

But only if I get to leave this self behind.

Start anew as if the person I’ve been was never a thought in anyone’s mind. As if she had died.

Become the version of me I’ve envisioned in my head since I was nine.

I wanna leave.

I wanna leave me.

[lunaslogs]

What If? - A Poem by Luna’s Logs

I hate what if because what if I start thinking and I can’t stop?

What if I start remembering things you used to tell me in confidence and realize we barely talk at all?

What if it never happened?

What if I never went away and the world wasn’t against people like us? Like you? Like him?

What if this is what was always meant to happen? What if this was something we had no control over and was written in the stars before we knew it was?

What if this is how it’s meant to be? Would have been, could have been, should have been but wasn’t. Destined to always have those few words forever left unsaid but secretly acknowledging that the words are there.

What if it was for the best? What if it was a hidden blessing in disguise, something we can’t quite see or understand just yet? I’d like to think it wasn’t all for nothing. But how could I know? How could we know for sure?

What if we weren’t in high school? If we had met at a time when holding back wasn’t even a thing in our minds? Would you have changed yours?

What if?

[lunaslogs]

Emotional Torture - A Literary Vent By Luna’s Logs

Emotional torture is what I would like to call the human experience. But not in a bad way. In some way, shape, or form, we all secretly torture ourselves. Some of us even like it. Whether that’s through self-sabotage or watching the same sad movie eighty times over, humans love to torture themselves. Why? Who the hell knows? Maybe it’s because it reminds us we’re human. No other animal in the history of being has ever had an opportunity at a life so great and decided to voluntarily throw it all away to live in the same cannibalistic jungle they’ve lived in their entire lives. No one. Not elephants, not meerkats, not even a damn goldfish could be that stupid. But humans? Oh, we love that shit.

We see a good thing come our way and the first instinct is push it away. We say we don’t deserve it because why would good things ever happen to creatures like us? Why do we deserve to live good lives when there’s an entire world of people suffering?

Or even worse.

“Why do good things keep being given to me if I’m not meant to keep them?”

That job interview you wanted? Never heard back. That friend group you joined a year ago? None of them talk to you anymore. That one person you swore was going to attend your future wedding? Congratulations, you guys are complete strangers now despite still having their number in your phone and being able to text them at any time.

But you don’t.

Why do you think you deserve to keep your spot in their lives? What do you bring to the table that the next person can’t? What do you have that’s so special that makes a manager at a company want to go through the process of hiring you, training you, and investing in you just to keep you around until they decide it’s time for you to hit the road?

Life loves to dangle this hope in everyone’s faces, loves to watch us cling to the hope that maybe sometime in the future, things won’t be so shitty. But the second we finally get our grabby little hands on some motivation? Gone. Dreams get crushed, another news story kills our hope that humanity will somehow save itself, and we’re left sitting and thinking things couldn’t possibly get worse.

But the idea of hope? The idea that things can get better? Clinging onto that small speckle in your brain like it’s the only thing you have left to live for? That’s a kind of addiction no patch in the world can fix. That’s emotional torture. It’s that feeling you get when you’ve hit rock bottom and you lift your head up to see the tiniest hole in the sky, the one you fell from. You’re so far down, you can’t possibly climb up on your own but you’re thinking “at least I can see the opening.” You let that drive you until you start running on empty. You know your heart will get broken again but you’re not doing it for the goal. You’re in it for the thrill. It’s not quite adrenaline. It’s adrenaline’s cousin.

Masochism.

[lunaslogs]

Fuck it, semi face reveal