Cause I can still remember when you were afraid of the dark
And I told you to come and you followed where I asked you to go
Would you come here and spin with me?
I've been dying to get you dizzy
Find a way up into your head
So I can make you feel like new again
-Turnover, Dizzy on the Comedown
Lucius loves Pete, yes, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't hold affection for Izzy. That this kiss, sharp and awkward as it is, doesn't mean as much as kissing Pete does.
Izzy leans in, almost unconsciously, chasing Lucius' mouth, making this real. Making this more than just a devotion, a religious act- making it two men kissing in the middle of a brawl, two pirates making something more out of the sea.
"That was really hot," Pete says as they both lean back. "Mind if I-?"
"Not at all," Lucius says with a wink.
Izzy cannot find a way to voice the feelings strangling his chest, choking his breath in the most lovely way, so he just nods.
-aletterinthenameofsanity, all I can taste is the blood in my mouth (and the bitterness in goodbye)
These three have a chokehold on me. The arc of intimacy is so delicately and well-handled, the trust they grow in each other is so grounded, and the religious metaphors are *chef's kiss.* I was so glad to see a Lucius that got to sort through his trauma to willing ears, an Izzy who got a happy ending to accompany his growth/trust arc, and a Black Pete that was complex, affectionate, and not sidelined.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
AND WE'RE FINALLY FUCKING DONE!!!!!! HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT, THAT'S THE LONGEST ONE SHOT I'VE EVER WRITTEN!!!! *blows kazoo*
Hope y'all enjoy this monster, which clocks in at just under 24k words! It's angst with a happy ending, with a shitton of angst from Lucius, Izzy, and Pete, and some very intense clashes between Season1Memories Izzy and current Lucius (and Jim!). To quote my tags from another post, "Izzy is carrying the ghost of a god with him, and he ain't setting it down."
Izzy knows this will go well. Not only has he never used a safeword before, he trusts these two men with all he has. He's never going to have to use a safeword in this room.
There's just one obstacle to that principle: Lucius is starting the ties at Izzy's feet.
And that presents an immediate and unavoidable problem: there is a god in Izzy's room, at Izzy's feet, and he is about to secure Izzy to his bed for a sacrifice.
Izzy doesn’t want to ruin things. He doesn’t want to break this moment, this mood that has been so carefully cultivated for months. He doesn’t want Lucius and Pete to think that he doesn’t trust them.
But when Lucius goes to tie his feet to the bed, it does not matter that it is with his old neckerchief, soft to the touch, easily tearable. It does not matter that there is a teasing glint in his eye. It does not matter that this is Lucius, who Izzy trusts with his life and his heart as much as he does Pete.
It matters that Lucius the sea god has his hand on Izzy's remaining foot, his palm coming too close, far too close, to the toes that Izzy once gave to a god who demanded them.
-aletterinthenameofsanity, all my love and terror balanced there between those eyes
So, I'm an asexual lesbian. I very much should be the last person interested in reading the M-rated fic about the gay polyamorous triad. I even hesitated on reading it initially, thinking that it wouldn't be something I'm interested in.
And YET. I found myself captivated by this one. The actual sex of the fic is mostly implied (though the few explicit lines are well-written) and the fic focuses far more on the process of safewording and how the characters handle that, the level of trust between them, and how aftercare is necessary for all parties involved. It is a really good exploration of how trauma can affect intimacy and how healthy Pete, Izzy, and Lucius are in addressing and working with issues/triggers when they arise. Also, it's tender. I know I use that word a lot in these descriptors, but it's true. The love and tenderness really bleeds through so much of this series (it might be why I like it so much).
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Izzy laughs, a hollow, wretched sound thanks to his dehydrated throat. "You picked the wrong people to torture. I don't know who's feeding you your information, but Blackbeard's not my captain anymore. He's not anyone's."
The Spanish sailor rears back, teeth bared, to break another of Izzy's knuckles, to punish him for the way he misled them. Izzy doesn't close his eyes. He doesn't flinch. He looks the man dead in his eyes, taking this one small victory-
Then a blade sprouts through the sailor's guts, and he gasps in shock. Izzy smirks despite the pain boiling his knuckles, an agony never forgotten despite the limb the toes were attached to being long gone as the sailor tips over to the side, blood spouting from his mouth.
Izzy's smirk instantly shifts into a tired but genuine smile when he sees the hero behind the blade. Pete has never been the most gifted swordsman, but it doesn't take a master to plunge a sword into the back of a man. It only takes someone with enough dedication, enough bravery, enough stubbornness to agree to infiltrate a vessel of the Spanish navy. (And also someone, apparently, who has black grease paint smeared around his eyes like the strangest racoon Izzy has ever seen.)
And all of that contributes to the most devastatingly lovely sight that Izzy has ever seen.
Izzy is woozy, but the words that have been floating in his head rise naturally to his lips. "I love you," he says, and it's as easy as breathing.
-aletterinthenameofsanity, i'm a dead man walking here (but that's the least of all my fears)
Listen, was I expecting to love these two so much? No, no I wasn't. Was I so absolutely glad to see the way the two of them ended up having one of the most solid, supportive, affectionate dynamics in the entire crew? Hell yeah! The fact that their relationship begins with Pete whittling Izzy his new leg? And the fact that he does it again after Izzy's leg is stolen from him when Izzy and Archie are taken by the Spanish? THE FACT THAT IT IS USED AS A METAPHOR FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP? Dead. Gorgeous. 10/10. This scene, where Pete is the first one in to rescue Izzy during the Santa Joana situation, gave me everything I ever could have wanted. The two of them and Lucius really flesh each other out well, and I'm crossing my fingers that the promised Gravy Basket fic involves one of the three of them.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
What if when he sees me, I like him and he knows it?
What if he opens up a door and I can't close it?
What happens then?
If when he holds me my heart is set in motion
I'm not prepared for that
I'm scared of breaking open
But still I can't help from hoping
To find someone to talk to, who likes the way I am
Someone who when he sees me wants to again
-Sara Bareilles, When He Sees Me
Though being drawn and watched is incredibly erotic, there is something almost more terrifying sitting in this room, this sense that Izzy is one step away from giving away something he doesn't know how to take back. Though he wants it more than anything, he cannot figure out how to welcome it in. There is a bubble in Izzy’s chest that is bound to pop at any moment, spilling all of these impossible emotions within him.
Pete seems just as attracted to the idea as Izzy is. "Oh, screw this," Pete says, drops his knife, leans in, and kisses Izzy.
"Just don't mess up my sightlines, babe," Lucius reminds, and Pete nods.
The first kiss is sensual but sweet, hungry but not demanding. Izzy is more than willing to lean up into it, into Pete's hand cupping his cheek. There's tongue involved, yes, but it's still nothing deeper than they've done before.
It's the second kiss, though, that pierces the bubble. Pete leans down, mouthing at Izzy's neck, and the tension breaks. Something shatters inside of him.
“Don’t worry, babe,” Pete says, sweet as can be, scary as Blackbeard, “We’ll keep our hands above the waist.”
But Izzy is shirtless, and Pete is kissing his neck, and Lucius is sketching him, and this is not a situation that feels safe, not anymore.
-aletterinthenameofsanity, swear this time around I'm gonna stay (love me if you choose to)
And here we have everyone's favorite: Izzy Hands. God, what is there to say about him that others haven't? Izzy in this series gets the arc he deserves regarding his recovery from trauma and abuse, gets to have a rather complex but fulfilling journey regarding intimacy (both emotional and physical), and gets to find himself not only as a First Mate to someone who values him (go Captain Oluwande!), but as person who is loved not just by his two boyfriends but by his crew and family. Also religious metaphors. God, Izzy's relationship with faith, sacrifice, and offering in his relationships with others is possibly the most compelling thing in this series and that is SAYING SOMETHING.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
So this fic is an interesting case: I actually have two playlists to convey the different POVs of the characters. Unlike the Jim amnesia fic, the Izzy amnesia fic is told from the POVs of Izzy, Pete, and Lucius, and thus I listened to a variety of songs for both of them. Writing this fic was quite the trip- as the last OFMD fic I wrote, my hyperfixation was slipping, but I was determined to do justice to everyone's character arcs. This ended up becoming the longest one-shot I've ever written, clocking in at almost 24k, and that's because I really wanted to show every side of this relationship and the ways that the characters push and pull at each other, how Izzy goes from angry and judgmental Season 1 Izzy to willing to take a bolt to save Jim and open himself up to the husbands he only remembers as the lazy, useless pirates he knew only yesterday as well as Lucius going from fighting to get Izzy to understand to realizing that Izzy deserves to make decisions to himself, plus Pete as a stabilizing force that Izzy finds completely shocking. (Plus the relationship of Izzy to the rest of the crew, from Jim to Captain Olu to Mel to Frenchie and the like.) Also heavy Edizzy exploration as well, albeit in the unrequited, angsty form!
First up we have Izzy:
Then we have Pete and Lucius' playlist:
Link to the fic here as well:
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Since "show the excerpt" won by a wide margin, this is getting posted. But since a portion of you didn't want it, I'll put the actual excerpt under a "read more" banner.
Note: this is from about I'd say a third of the way into the fic? So this is definitely not guaranteeing an angsty ending. Just that there is going to be some Shit That Goes Down on the way. (Also, that there is a lead up to this. It doesn't just come out of nowhere.)
With that being said, I'm warning you now that this excerpt is going to end on an absolutely gut wrenching note. And yes, I am extremely pleased by that.
---
the blessing only comes with bitterness (all that you believe in can survive this one)
Title is from "December '04" by the Oh Hellos, one of the main songs on my playlists for this fic. (And yes, I made TWO playlists for this fic. I'm at 15k and it's still got at least a few thousand left and it spiralled. Whoops. At least I'm posting this excerpt, for better or worse.)
---
“I forgot how absolutely bitter and repressed you were. You can't handle the thought that someone else could turn Blackbeard's eye, or hell, your own,” Lucius says, furious tears in his eyes, and the words cut across Izzy's ribs like Hornigold’s whip. “How would you feel if I told you that you're married, now? And to someone that isn't Blackbeard? Doesn't that make you want to shrivel up into a tiny ball, the idea that someone loves you so much that they would vow their life to you, and that it isn't the man who created you? Doesn't that just terrify you to death?"
Izzy has his sword out, the sharp side of the blade against Lucius’ throat, but Lucius’ vicious smirk doesn't slip even a millimeter. He knows which nerves of Izzy's are the rawest. He knows what strings hurt the most to be plucked. He knows how to dig his claws into the softest parts of Izzy's heart that he thought long ago calloused over. He knows about parts of Izzy that he has never shared with anyone, even Edward himself.
(Pete has his own sword out, but it is held by his side as he glances frantically between them, clearly uneasy about letting his blade join the conversation.)
“Where is this man or woman you claim I decided to turn against my Captain to marry?”
Lucius and Pete exchange a glance and some acidic mix of insecurity and rage crunches Izzy's stomach. He's been struggling since he woke up, head in agony, and whoever this fucking spouse didn't care enough to help him, to ground him, to care for him when he was laid up with a fever and woke missing years of memory.
Izzy snarls. "They're clearly not here, so they must be a fucking coward. Better dead than alive if they can't even be relied upon to stay by my side when I have a fever, much less years of missing memories-"
“Don't you dare fucking talk about my husband like that,” Pete seethes, fingers tightening around the hilt of his sword.
A stone drops into Izzy's stomach. "Your husband? I thought we were talking about my witless spouse?”
“They're standing right in front of you, you impertinent jackass,” Lucius says, tone vicious as he pulls back the neckline of his tunic to yank out a wooden ring on a leather strap. His wooden finger jerks to the side to point at the wooden ring on Pete’s hand. “Surprise. You're stuck with us.”
Izzy has to be hallucinating. He must have gotten an infection. All of this must be the product of a fevered mind.
There is no way that the scribe who humiliated him in front of the crew and the guy he slapped the head of and called a “useless fucking fucker” a few days ago could possibly have decided to marry him.
All Izzy knows is violence and control. All he knows is Edward and the sea. He does not know softness and weakness and the sort of gormless sentiment that would let himself be tied to the idiot twins.
This can't be real. He's hallucinating, that's it.
Ed is still here. Stede Bonnet's ragtag group of idiots are going to fail at their attempt at a fuckery tomorrow and Ed is going to kill Stede Bonnet and this scribe and his boyfriend will be nothing but the guys who Izzy caught fucking in the storage hold and all of this will have been a horrible, terrible nightmare-
“You’re lying,” Izzy snaps. “You absolute-”
“Twats?” Lucius offers with a horrible, gut-wrenching, fond smirk, and if Izzy ever decided to marry this man, he’d be a fucking fool.
---
But also, because I can't leave you on such a downer, and because I'm nice, here's one of my favorite lines from later in the fic when things are on the upswing:
Lucius Spriggs is a rotten bastard, an absolute bitch, and also one of the kindest people Izzy has ever met.
Salt burns in my eyes, none of these streets feel right tonight
I wanna swim, swim deep into the dark night
I wanna melt you down into the stars
I wanna crumble, tumble like a landslide
I wanna live, die wherever you are
Just you and I
-Barns Courtney, You And I
"That's my little norseman," Spanish Jackie practically coos, and while she's distracted, Pete tugs on Izzy's sleeve, trying to pull him back from his suicidal actions. Izzy goes easier than Pete expected, as if made pliant by the knowledge that Lucius is alive.
Huh. Pete knew that Izzy cared about Lucius- of course he did, if Lucius was being honest when he told Pete about everything Izzy did when Blackbeard was in charge- but this is a depth that Pete hadn't realized was already there.
And as Izzy glances back at Pete, as if checking him, Pete realizes that maybe, that depth of care might extend to him, too. That Izzy might have listened to Pete's touch because he believes in him, too.
Lucius has believed in Pete for ages, has listened and laughed and enjoyed all of Pete's stories about Blackbeard long before the man himself entered their lives. But Izzy is a different story. Izzy, who is rough and grizzled and experienced in ways that Pete has always wished to be, was always an impossibility to convince.
Pete has Lucius' life, and Izzy's belief, and aren't those quite powerful things to hold?
-aletterinthenameofsanity, and my head told my heart (let love grow)
Y'all. Y'all! Pete is one of my favorite characters on the show but it is so hard to find fic that focuses on him, especially in the Izzy/Lucius/Pete dynamic. So I was so excited to find fic that kept him integral to his own relationships, as well as fleshing out his friendships and providing layers to his characterization with a trans lens. He is allowed to be the beautiful, supportive, loyal, complicated, open, fun character he is. (Also this is my second favorite fic in the entire series, I can't believe it took me so long to use a quote from it in one of these moodboards!)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
